The Summer of Scarecrow
by SpyVsTailor
Summary: Set three months after the events in Week of the Cat. For some people, Gotham never changes. For others, it's become barely recognizable. Third in the Twelve Days of Riddler series.
1. Claw & Scythe

**Because I like you kids (but still, get off my lawn!)...here's an early Christmas present to the followers of my Twelve Days of Riddler series. The third and final part!  
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** Oh boy, let's see if I can do this quickly. Here's a list of the following reviewers whom I wish to thank who have reviewed my last story Week of the Cat after I had a chance to do so publicly: Esmeralda Smith, TanithSeh1011, S.F. Sienna, Metal Avenged, thewolfinthelookingglass, ThievingUndeadOutlaw, Dante'sRaven1993, The Lord of War and Pinkqueen. I am grateful you took the time to read and review my previous work. You are all very cool people. (I don't think I did, but if I missed anyone, I apologize!)  
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**Robot521 and Violeta27, you are loyal as all hell and I very much love and respect you both. If real life were like Fallout, you'd both be Boone and I'd be some random dead sucker already strung up around Vault 3.  
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**Also, I just want to say here and now that I'm in love with Sweden and if she'll have me, I'll treat her right and have her home by midnight. For reals. I won't even cop a feel or nothin'!**

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><p><strong>Scarecrow's Moon<strong>

**Chapter One: Claw & Scythe**

**Day One**

****Selina****

_**A mysterious rash of break-in**__**'s in the Gotham area has GCPD baffled. The break-in's - ten in total since the late spring - occur at random -**_

She flipped the television off, heading out the door to her apartment, keys in hand.

Gotham hadn't changed at all since Eddie's death. It just went on. New villains, new threats, same old shitpile.

Outside the late spring had birthed a warm, temperate summer and she hurried through the streets, heading for the lower East side of Gotham.

The underworld had been rocked by the return of the Joker. People either stayed out of his way or just simply went into hiding, not even the villains dared make any move with the Clown Prince of Crime back in town.

Harley had left Crane the instant she heard the news and the Scarecrow wisely made himself scarce. No one had heard anything of Jonathan Crane and some even suspected he was already sunk in the bay with a none-to-happy grin on his face.

Even Ozzie knew nothing about anything, it seemed. The Penguin decided to just keep quiet for a while, mind his own business and leave the underworld to the Joker.

Ivy, busy with her son, couldn't care either way about anything and so Selina had found herself even more alone than ever.

She had never realized how little friends she had until Eddie died. No one bothered with her anymore and while that had at one time been ideal for her, it now seemed to add up to a bleak future for the Catwoman.

Fingering the keys in her pocket, she halted near an alleyway at the sound of a raucous scuffle.

"You uncouth troglodytes have no clue who you're dealing with!"

_Speak of the devil. _She thought with a wicked smirk.

There was no mistaking that pretentious, well educated tone.

"What's in the bag, asshole?" Someone demanded.

Peering around the corner, she found the dark alley made it hard to really make out anything. There were a group of beings, but that was about it.

"Touch me and I'll feed you to the crows, you little brats!"

Cupping her hands to her mouth, she pulled away from the corner and yelled in her manliest voice, "freeze, this is the police!"

The gang scrambled and ran, fleeing deeper into the alley, leaving it empty when she rounded the corner.

Crane, a career criminal, knew better than to join the running crowd, opting instead to hide in the shadows of a doorway for the police to chase the runners and miss him in the excitement. He emerged when he saw it was her. Kneeling to collect the remains of his paper bag in his arms.

"You know, I was just thinking of you, Jon." She greeted.

He glared up at her. "You never saw me." Stuffing what he could into the pockets of his raggedy coat, he marched off in the same direction the kids had fled.

Selina kept pace with him stubbornly. "Rumour has it that the Joker killed you."

"I'm down but not out, child." He growled. "And I'd like it to stay that way."

The meaning was very clear to her. "I'm a vault." Touching a hand to the sleeve of his coat, she pulled him in to a stop.

In the backlight of a restaurant door, she found him gaunt and sickly looking. A couple of days worth of stubble shadowed his frail looking jaw, making him look much older than he was. Bruises and cuts from his altercation with the gang left him looking absolutely rotten.

Crane was always raggedy, but his personal hygiene was always very top notch, he was never this wretched looking.

"You're bleeding." She said, touching a finger to a cut on his bottom lip.

He leaned out of her reach. "I'll be fine. Let me go."

"Don't be such an ass," she growled. "Come on, my apartment is a few blocks away. I can patch that in five seconds."

He shook his head. "I won't die."

"No, but you might attract sharks." She teased.

"Oh, is Warren out on parole?"

"Don't be stubborn, Jon."

Crane blinked and changed the subject. He was infamous for his ability to twist the subject of a conversation. "Do you miss him?"

There was no question who he was talking about. Selina stuck her hands in the pockets of her jeans.

"Who? The Great White Shark?" She asked.

Tilting his head, studying her like one would study a foreign object, Crane tucked more of his belongings into his pockets. "Don't play dumb with me, Selina, we're both too intelligent for that. You may have fooled everyone else, but I was trained to analyze people." He fell silent for a moment, before speaking again. "You must find his loss devastating. I'd imagine a woman like you who finds it hard to allow someone close to her, would find a death disheartening and earth shattering."

She wasn't sure just what to say to that.

Grasping hold of her upper arm, Crane sighed. "Come on. I would be remiss as his friend to neglect you now. But only because of my loyalty to Edward."

She wasn't sure why she allowed him to lead her to the wharf, where he took her out on a shaky skiff towards a handful of old rusting boats that were docked in the middle of the bay, but she did and when they landed on an old ship called The Lady Elliott, she thought perhaps she had lost her mind. After all, wasn't she the one who had originally tried to take care of him? How had the tables turned so rapidly?

Deep in the rotting guts of the ship, she found he had made himself a fairly liveable little home. How he lugged the wing-back chair and bookcases in the hull was a whole other topic of conversation she stowed away for later.

Eyeing a table full of bubbling concoctions, she smiled to herself. Trust Crane to always be perfecting his craft.

Across the room from her, he splayed out the items from his pockets on another table and went through them.

"I'm sorry to hear about Harley." She said.

Removing his raggedy suit jacket, Crane tossed it onto the wing-back chair carelessly, still studying the items before him. "Harleen was a warm body in a cold bed." He replied simply, unbuttoning his shirt at the cuffs.

Selina approached him. "You don't mean that."

At her side he was silent for a moment, before speaking. "My feelings for her never went beyond sexual, Selina. I miss her about as much as I would miss a masturbatory aid."

"I find that hard to believe."

He began unbuttoning his yellowed shirt.

It was then that she noticed a patch of rusty dried blood on the front of it.

"Why?" He demanded. "Because affectionate love has become something of a fad? It's merely a natural imperative that we seek out sexual companionship, I was with her because she was available and willing."

Helping him with his shirt, Selina frowned. "I think you're in self preservation mode, Crane." She replied. "Harley burned you and you've drawn back your scorched hand to your chest in response. You're a wounded animal trying to hide it from the world."

As he removed his shirt, she found the wound to his stomach was nasty and infected looking.

"Or maybe not. Jesus!" She said. "Where'd you get that?"

"Piece of scrap metal down in the hold."

"It looks infected."

"It is." He motioned to the items on the table. "I managed to find an all night chemists for the purpose of aiding my plight."

Angling her head to hide her smile, she made a small sound in her throat. "I bet it was open to all comers."

"As long as they didn't mind breaking a few laws," he replied. "Don't mind my state of undress, child."

She held up her hands. "Not at all. I may even toss you a few bills."

"Your remark isn't without it's charm, however I find you're avoiding the reason we're here in my home."

"Because you're trying to seduce me?" She teased.

"I may have several mental health problems, my child, but even I know it's a low brow move to seduce a dead friend's lover." He hopped up to perch on the table, sorting through his medical supplies.

She moved over to stand before him. "Need a hand?"

"Actually yes, I need you to stick me." He handed her over a syringe and a small bottle of something. "I'm going to clean the wound and then you need to inject me."

"I think I can handle that."

"Good," he said. "Don't pass out. I'm not going to catch you."

Saluting him rigidly, she flicked the safety cap off the needle expertly. It wasn't her first time with a needle, in her line of work injuries happened frequently. "How much?"

"Five hundred milligrams." He muttered, dabbing gently at his wound with a piece of gauze and some anti-septic.

Jabbing the point into the rubber top of the bottle, she carefully drew the needed amount.

"You handle that like a pro." He remarked. "Something the Cat keeps hidden from the rest of us?"

"Yeah, I'm a serious heroin addict." She replied. "It's why I never sleep."

"I can tell you're lying right there." He said. "Users on heroin actually get sluggish, you're thinking of crack cocaine."

"You know entirely too much about recreational drugs, Doc."

"Hn."

Noticing a fine sheen of sweat on his brow, Selina angled her head to the right. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Infection." He explained. "I'm running a fever. It's the entire reason why I was forced out onto the streets of Gotham in search of medical supplies. If it gets any worse I'll pass out, my brains will literally boil inside my skull and I'll die."

"Ever the life of the party." She muttered, sticking the needle into him gently.

Crane studied her as she administered her care, pale blue eyes on her every move. "You seem lacking this evening."

She withdrew the needle and recapped it, pushing a hand through her hair, before tossing the dead syringe onto the tabletop near his hip.

"I had no idea you cared that much for Edward. My assumptions were merely that he was a form to keep your bed warm at night as well and that while you may have held some form of affection for him, it was superficial at best." He went on, bandaging his wound with the clinical precision of a trained first year med student. Which given his doctorate in Psychology, he had probably been at one point in time. "Of course even the most trained professional can sometimes be misled by the masks we wear. Yours, of course, has always been cold indifference."

His words stung, wounded her a little inside. Just because she guarded herself, people assumed she didn't care for anything beyond her cats. It was the same kind of hurt that she felt when Edward accused her of staying at his apartment for a week because she was hiding from someone. Selina wasn't heartless, she wasn't cold.

"Then again I'm bordering on a death fever, I could just be talking out of my ass." Crane mumbled, slipping down off the table.

Selina watched as he moved across the rusted grating towards his chair.

Curling up, Crane drew his long legs to his chest and draped his coat over his form.

"Get the lights on your way out." He ordered. "There's an old rowboat on the starboard side you can use to get back to shore, leave it under the docks."

Nodding as though she expected this sort of dismissal from the Scarecrow, she turned and headed back the way she came.

* * *

><p><strong>Day Two<strong>

****Selina****

The Iceberg was dead the next afternoon when Selina eased up to the bar and ordered a martini.

She wanted it that way. Less people to have to deal with, forcing polite niceties and idle chit-chat.

Behind the bar Ozzie popped up almost from out of thin air, smiling at her.

"My dear, your grace and beauty alone give this hellhole atmosphere." He greeted. "Do you think I could hire you to just sit there day and night?"

"Do you think you afford me, Ozzie?" She inquired.

Leaning against the bar, the short man puffed on his cigarette. "You have no idea the vast distances my wealth stretches, pussycat."

"So, no, then?"

Removing his cigarette, the Penguin held it in a gloved hand. "How are you, my lovely?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I always ask."

"No you don't."

Sighing, the man eyed the club around them. "It's been awful quiet around here these days. Everyone's laying low because of the Joker. There's no point pissing off the Bat when he's already distracted. It's eerie, in creating chaos, that madman actually brings peace to Gotham."

Playing with her skewered olive, Selina nodded. The soft jazz the band onstage was playing somehow grated her nerves, suddenly a headache began to flare up behind her eyes. A migraine was on it's way.

Downing her martini, she slid off the stool and walked off.

* * *

><p>On her way home she stopped at a thrift store on the corner, bought a blanket and an old suit, before pausing at the grocers for some fresh vegetables and a small roast, some men's toiletries and canned goods.<p>

These things kept her mind occupied, kept her from feeling aimless.

Standing at the check out counter, she waited for the yellow smocked girl to finish with the man in front of her. A cute, little old man who chatted amiably with the girl.

It was the sort of chatting a lonely old person would do, someone whose wife had perhaps passed on a few years back and who had no children to listen.

Behind the girl the radio played a breaking news story.

_**With this newest pharmacy break in, GCPD Commissioner James Gordon has issued the following statement, **__**'the Gotham City Police Department is certain that while the suspect has never physically injured a proprietor of these pharmacies, we still urge the people of Gotham to be cautious when approaching anyone caught loitering suspiciously outside of a store, to call the police hotline with any suspicious information regarding the street sale of the following drugs'-**_

"Miss?"

Selina broke her concentration on the radio, to step forward in line with her purchases.

* * *

><p>Later, with a hearty stew simmering away on the stove top in her apartment, she wandered to the window to look out over the city.<p>

The words that had come from Crane's mouth the night before were still stuck in her, piercing her deep inside. She didn't think she was indifferent, but what if she was? What if everything good was taken from her time and time again because she didn't try hard enough or care deeply enough? What if she brought everything on herself?

She couldn't be indifferent. She _could not _be indifferent. There was too much empty space inside her now in Eddie's wake. There was no way an indifferent woman would miss someone so badly.

And she did. She missed Eddie.

Years ago the thought would never cross her mind. But since his presence had dominated her life, since his smiles and his voice and that boyish bounce in his walk, since all of it, she had felt it's absence. It was like she was just waiting for him to walk in the door, to sit on the edge of her bed and wake her up after picking her lock. There were so many things she wanted to tell him, things that she would have only told him, that she had to keep inside because no one other than him would care or understand.

She had gone from being a woman who shared nothing with no one, to a woman who had a tall, red headed Riddler pick the lock that revealed all those things. And he capered jovially amongst those secrets, before locking up behind him, keeping things between them and only them.

"Am I indifferent, Ed?" She asked the city before her, eyes searching the sky for an answer. "Was I cold to you? Apathetic?"

Naturally nothing came back to her. No answer. Nothing to put her mind at ease. Just the wailing of a GCPD cruiser as it lazily zipped under her window, heading for the west side of town.

* * *

><p>Stepping into the large room inside the rusted out old tub of a ship, she looked around expecting Crane to be on edge, prepared to fend off an intruder.<p>

Instead she found him hunched over his bubbling concoctions, scratching in that little notebook of his, back to her.

"I take it I'm not a threat?" She asked.

He didn't even look up. "I saw you paddling your little heart out through the porthole. And no, you're absolutely no threat."

"So you think." She replied, setting down the bag with his goodies at her feet and moving towards him with the hot plastic container of stew.

Looking up and over at her, he adjusted his silver framed glasses.

"How's the wound?" She inquired.

"My fever is breaking." He replied bitterly.

Setting the stew down, she smirked. "I meant the one in your heart."

"Let's not be disgusting now." He objected, poking the container inquisitively.

She handed him a bag of plastic spoons. "Go ahead. I thought you looked gaunt last night, this should fatten you up."

"Did you cook this?" He asked, prying open the container and inhaling deeply.

"I did."

Crane set it down quickly. "I choose life."

Hopping up onto the table beside his work, she preened. "I'm insulted. Are you implying that I can't cook?"

"I'm inferring that you can't cook. Beautiful women are usually terrible cooks."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say." She remarked, before adding, "but thank you for the compliment."

"How is it dumb? In my experience I've found that beautiful people tend to have no real talents, they don't feel the need to prove themselves, whereas average looking people tend to seek out things for which they will gain compliments on. If they can't be complimented on their beauty, they'd rather be good at dancing or cooking or god forbid racing cars." He motioned to the container.

"No, it's all yours."

Dipping his spoon into the stew, he shovelled a healthy amount into his mouth after sniffing it tentatively. He sighed almost happily. "I stand corrected. You're beautiful and talented."

"Never forget it."

Taking another spoonful, he chewed it blissfully, before swallowing and pointing a long, thin finger at her. "You're also over compensating."

"For what?"

"I said you wore a 'mask of indifference' last night and here you've brought me stew in an effort to prove you are a caring person. However, you failed to read into the structure of that sentence. I said 'mask' not you yourself came off as indifferent. You see, a person can be kind, warm-hearted, love a good joke, but still wear a stoic's mask. Masks are just crusts over our being. They protect us from hurt. They project onto the world the person you want to appear to be. But they can never alter the person inside the mask."

"How do you not have an entire entourage of pupils learning at your feet?" She teased.

"Easy. There is a file at Arkham that reads 'CRIMINALLY INSANE' in bright red letters across my face, across my doctorate and across my reputation." He eyed an orange tabby cat who leapt up onto his workbench with a delicate furrow to his brow.

The cat had jumped onto the rowboat as she was setting off and despite the fact cat's hated water, the little beast just seemed to enjoy the ride, coming with her onto the ship.

"Those bastards." She gasped, gently removing the cat from the table.

"Just because they said my methods weren't clinical."

"Well…dressing in burlap and wielding a giant scythe isn't really something I'd want to see my psychologist do."

"Kinsey wore a bowtie and had a plethora of wild, sexy times, yet they didn't give him the red letter treatment."

"I think there's a pretty big difference there, Jon. Kinsey was making love, you're making war."

"Poppycock. There is no real difference between the two."

"Oh? Enlighten me."

"When two forces meet, they clash in a passionate struggle that ends with death. This is also true of war."

"Death? Since when does love end in death?"

"When it doesn't end in la petit mort, then it usually just dies a cold, lonely death from neglect." He stated.

Selina frowned ever so. "Your logic is a little screwy, Jon. I think if you really look, you'd find everything ends in death eventually."

* * *

><p>She was draped in his wingback chair, watching his back as he continued his work. Selina wondered if he was even aware that she was still there. They hadn't spoken in nearly two hours, and while she dozed lightly in his chair before the makeshift fireplace in the ship's boiler, he worked furiously.<p>

She wondered if he worked his much when he was with Harley. Did they have great, rambling conversations like she had with Eddie? Did they break the monotony by making love in strange and unusual places? Did they find themselves enjoying the silence as one or the other or both read on a lazy afternoon? Did he miss Harley like she missed Eddie? Was his face merely a mask of indifference as well?

On her lap the orange tabby purred loudly, breaking the silence as she scratched him under his chin.

"Mustard." Crane muttered suddenly.

"What?"

"Cat's love mustard."

"What?"

Turning in his seat, Crane eyed her over the frames of his glasses. "Cat's love mustard." When she continued to gaze blankly at him, he elaborated. "This is small talk."

"Oh."

Turning back to his work, he growled. "You were glaring a hole into the back of my head, I thought it appropriate to distract you."

The cat jumped down from her lap - on the trail of a rat perhaps - and scuttled off into the bowels of the ship.

Selina pushed to her feet. "B-black olives."

"What?" He snapped.

"Cat's also love black olives." She said, rounding the table to peer at him through the maze of the chemical tubes and vials.

His hand stopped scratching in his notebook and he looked up. "Do you enjoy black olives?"

"On my pizza." She replied.

"What do normal people talk about anyways?" He muttered.

Leaning carefully against the table, she sighed. "Um…the last episode of their favourite reality show?"

"Pass."

She scrunched her face up in thought. "Musical preferences?"

"I enjoy The Cure. You?"

Quirking a brow, she angled her head. "You continue to mystify and impress me, Jon."

"Why?"

"One would think a man like you would like opera or classical music."

"Because…?"

"You're well educated."

"Which is the reason I enjoy The Cure, all smart people do. I can't speak for anyone else, but it's harder to say 'I enjoy Giacomo Puccini's La Boheme', than to say I enjoy The Cure."

"So you do listen to opera?"

"I listen to whatever station this tub gets in the radio office. Which is to say static and some weird Russian station…don't ask me how. Currently my new favourite song is, _Tyepyerʲ dlya myetyeorologichyeskogo byollyetyenya_*."

"Sounds beautiful."

"It's followed by three dramatic bongs and then a cheerful bing, very short song. It must be big over there, they play it every three hours on the hour."

She nodded.

Crane frowned ever so. "It's the weather bulletin. I was making a joke."

"Swing and a miss." She replied.

* * *

><p><strong>Day Three<strong>

****Selina****

Her alarm went off, the radio blaring a song that ruffled something in the back of her sandy mind.

"Huh," she muttered once she awoke fully, on her way into the bathroom to get ready for the day, "The Cure."

Before showering, she dressed in her well worn track suit. Since taking it easy on the Catwoman prowling she had taken to jogging to keep limber and fit for a time when things would get heated in Gotham again.

Heading out the door, she pointedly ignored the green and purple striped scarf that hung in her front hall. Since that day in the puddles of springtime, she had taken it home absently and hung it there where it remained.

As soon as her feet hit the pavement outside her apartment, she headed west.

She knew she had been pushing herself too hard lately, but with nothing else to do to pass the time between eating and sleeping, she found jogging was good at accomplishing that.

In the park, she paused at a vendor to buy a bottle of water, eyeing a small group of children near the clearing to her right.

Two of them were wearing capes, one made out of an old bath towel and the other out of a Halloween vampire costume. They were racing around, chasing a young blond haired boy with a painted clown face who laughed at them.

"I touched you!" The boy in the black cape shouted.

The clown faced boy stopped running. "No!"

As the three boys argued, Selina spied a fourth child, a little girl with a dark bob wearing an old St. Patrick's Day bowler, sitting on the bench, swinging her legs idly. Tilted on the bench at her side was a branch with a slightly curved handle.

Taking her bottle of water, Selina moved off from the children, she wondered if there was a skinny boy with messy brown hair somewhere, heading out to join his friends in the park with a spider clasped in his hands to scare them with.

A little girl with long red hair raced towards her, whiskers painted on her face, a black string dangling from the back of her pants as she skipped past Selina, heading for the children already playing.

Following the girl with her eyes, she smiled softly as the other girl in the bowler leapt up at the sight of the cat-girl.

She was probably relieved to have another girl there.

The cat-girl pulled something out of her pocket to show her friend and the girl in the bowler smiled, before pulling the hat off carelessly and leaving it on the bench, heading towards the playground hand in hand with her friend.

Selina eyed the forsaken bowler and branch for a moment, before turning away once more from the children.

* * *

><p>She opted out of going into the Iceberg that evening, heading for the nearest bar to her apartment, a strange little cowboy jukebox bar in the middle of Gotham.<p>

Sitting in the darkest corner of the place, she ordered something she was sure the bartender knew, a whiskey sour, and sipped it slowly. The barflies were still, buzzing quietly in their perches. She had a feeling that they had been there for centuries, buzzing quietly, decaying in their seats.

The twangy singer on the retro jukebox (which wasn't installed in the bar out of an ironic desire to be hip), was singing about what mattered most out of life. Of men and what they wanted, what they needed.

The whiskey sour was like sand, grinding down her throat as she struggled to swallow.

"_Was there ever a time when you wanted what normal men want, Ed?"_

_It was their fourth time sleeping together and as she lay on her side wrapped in his arms, she found she couldn't sleep. His pale, spidery hand lying on the pillow by her cheek distracted her as she traced the veins and sinews that rippled down the back of it. It was Christmas, and while the outside world celebrated like 'normal' people, her and Eddie were curled up in his bed with no festive decorations surrounding them or a multitude of gifts waiting under a tree. It was just her and him, naked, sharing warmth on a cold December night._

_It almost felt like they were the only ones left alive on the planet._

_The truth was, she had always felt that strange sort of feeling on Christmas night. It wasn't out of a religious state of mind, or a warm, familial sense of togetherness. But Christmas night always seemed sacred. Like the air was filled with a tender, gentle vibration and the snow that fell always seemed to be touched with liquid gold, so that it shimmered in a softer light._

_Eddie's laugh ruffled her hair as he absorbed her question._

"_What? You mean the nine to five, go nowhere, middle management job? Or the house in the suburbs that looks like all the others?"_

"_That," she purred, running a finger over his knuckles. The most curious thing about them was that they were slightly knobby, like he had one too many fistfights in his days on earth. She wondered if he was good in a fistfight. She had seen him fight, but it was always with a weapon of some sort. Never just him and another being, with nothing but their hands. "But also the whole package. The wife, the children, the dog named Sparky." She added._

_He flipped his hand over so that she could trace the lines of his palm. __"Well, I'm not sure…I suppose a moment after puberty there was an instance when I pondered it. After all, it's evolutionary imperative that we seek to continue the bloodline. Of course I'd never own a dog, they're just too demanding of my affection and attention."_

"Can I get you another?" The bartender asked, breaking her thoughts.

She shook her head. "No, thank you." Paying, she left the bar, stepping out into the warm summer evening.

* * *

><p>The scent of rain clung to the air around Gotham, swathing it in a thick, sweet scent, obliterating the usual stink of the city.<p>

Ducking into the small Italian restaurant down the street, she picked up her order and paid. She didn't feel much like cooking that night, and there was at least one person in Gotham who could use a hot meal.

He was dressed in his full Scarecrow costume when she arrived, bringing with her another hot meal and another cat.

Crane's horrible burlap mask angled towards her and he stood there for a full minute before tugging the mask off.

"Again?" He asked.

She set the food on the table. "I have nothing better to do."

Eyeing the food as she opened take out boxes and set them out, Crane set his scythe on his lap as he took a seat in his wing backed chair. He fixed the handle quietly, before speaking. "You don't prowl much anymore, do you?"

"I don't do a lot of things anymore." She replied. Handing him a carton of food and a plastic fork, she settled on the rickety wooden chair across from him and dug into her own portion. "What's with the costume? Going out?"

"Preparing for war." He said.

She nodded.

Crane looked up at her from under mussed bangs, watching her steadily for a moment.

"So tell me," she said, swallowing a bite of food politely before speaking. "Did you ever have a moment with Harley where you thought you'd never have to be alone again?"

"I don't know, did you ever have a moment of regret when you watched them lower the small bits of Eddie that they found into the ground?" He snapped.

She glared at him.

Ignoring her look, Crane set the food she had given him aside, untouched and went back to repairing his scythe. "I was across his grave from you in another tree at his funeral, watching you, watching them bury my friend."

With her appetite waning, she too set her carton of food aside. "I didn't think it was right for them to bury Eddie without anyone there."

Crane nodded. "It's a tragedy to have no one but a priest standing over you as you're lowered in the ground. It's far sadder to be placed in a grave marked by a number, because no one's laid claim to your body."

"What did you expect?" She growled. "You could have claimed his body."

"I'm a wanted criminal."

She tightened her fist around the plastic fork. "So am I."

"But you're also the woman who loved him, weren't you?" He inquired.

The truth stung an already festering wound. She had regretted not doing something when Eddie's remains were sitting at the morgue, waiting to be claimed. But she was still in denial over his death. Claiming those remains believed to have belonged to him would be admitting he was really gone.

Quietly she set the fork down by her forgotten food and stood up.

Crane's eyed were burning holes into her back as she left him.

* * *

><p>*Now for the weather report.<p> 


	2. Wounded Animals & The Meaning of Flowers

_**Wow, so many kind reviews...let's get started giving credit where credit is due:**_

_**Violeta27 - See? The mere fact that you'd save me from the raiders at Vault 3 means you'd be a good Boone. The best wingman of the bunch!**_

_**Pinkqueen - You're too astute for your own good...I'mma have to keep my eye on you...**_

_**hulloguvnah - I'm glad you're back for round three! (love your screen name)  
><strong>_

**_FredGeorgeWazlib - I always thought if Crane had a polar opposite in his field, it'd be Kinsey. And I'm really glad you're getting turned on to this pairing...the ship needs a lot more support. (p.s. - Go Big Red!)  
><em>**

**_Esmeralda Smith - Yeah, this is the last one. But the thing is, the story would get boring if it went on indefinitely. Besides, I might go back and re-work a few of my other Riddler/Catwoman stories and get them polished enough to post. So...I'll try not to let the pairing die..._**

**_TanithSeh1011 - Thanks. I was super worried about the beginning of this being a little darker than usual, but once it sets the tone and gets all that gooey stuff cleared away, I'm hoping for more light-hearted romps through the Batverse._**

**_Dante'sRaven1993 - I'm really glad you checked those comics out! ^_^ I feel like a comic book pusher... Also, put faith in a girl who has Catwoman kissing the Riddler for an avatar..._**

**_Robot521 - Better late to the party than show up and vomit on the host. Also, your comment about mourning my death made me laugh hard. It's good to know that my death would be mourned in a video game world where raiders just string you up by your sternum from the ceiling.  
><em>**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Two: Wounded Animals &amp; The Meaning of Flowers<strong>

**Day Three**

****Crane****

Patience was something Jonathan had always been good at.

He could climb high into a corner and wait in his web for the perfect time to strike like a little spider. Watchful eyes sharp, ready for anything.

But as the months wore on, all the training and preparations. All the little palm sized gas bombs he constructed, all the work he did changed, shifted, transformed him into an obsessed creature who yearned to slake his hunger for revenge.

He wanted to hurt her. Make her regret being so flighty with him.

It wasn't that often that he gave himself over to a woman's charms, but she had wormed her way into his bed and he had deluded himself into thinking she actually wanted to be there.

He really should have known better.

Proved how intelligent he really was, if he couldn't learn from past mistakes.

It could be so easy.

Killing the Joker, killing Harley.

Even if it meant his own death, he would take the bullets or the wounds, if it meant he could slog closer to his targets, if it meant taking them with him into the mouth of the maelstrom.

He felt like Kurtz. Out of his element, but so goddamned comfortable in his new role. Madness always lingered just behind the curtain of civility for him, now he was prepared to throw that curtain back and show Gotham just how goddamned mad a madman could be.

Crane was wearing his costume, forcing himself not to jump the gun and rush into things, but assuaging his desire for revenge by acting like he was about to make his move, when Selina returned.

The woman had no spark left in her. He knew that from first sight, even in that dark alley where they reunited.

He had to be careful. There would be no one who could get past his defences now. Not a single living creature could touch him anymore.

Still, she handed him warm food and brought with her the scent of jasmine.

It had almost made him weep, but he sought to wound her, to chase her off before he fell for his human desire to be a part of a friendship, he had to cut off all ties to warmth and kindness.

So he seized upon the opportunity to wound her, snap at her like a cornered beast, to hold a mirror to her face and place within her doubt and shame and being the master at emotional manipulation it had worked.

She had felt that sting and had left.

Crane wasted no time in taking the food she had brought and throwing it across the room. He wouldn't be pitied, because he would kill the last bit of humanity that dwelt inside him.

"_Ya understand, dontcha? He's my puddin' and I just can't help myself!" She squealed._

"_No, I don't understand. The man's an unrefined animal."_

"_I know!" She gushed. "Ain't he the best?"_

"_Hardly."_

_Bouncing up, she kissed him on the cheek. __"Well, toodle-pips, Professa! I'll drop ya a line!"_

Something was rubbing against his ankle and Crane looked down to find an orange tabby there, purring away merrily, pushing his arched back against his leg.

Tilting his head, the Scarecrow dropped his hand down and set it on the cat's back.

"You're bold, ginger." He growled, stroking the cat.

It pushed hard against his palm, purring louder.

Well, he decided, the humans of Gotham could merrily burn and die, but perhaps the cats would get his mercy. Scooping the cat up, Crane eyed it, nose to nose, before setting it in his lap.

He'd sleep in his chair as he did for three months, but at least he'd have something to keep him warm.

* * *

><p><strong>Day Four<strong>

****Selina****

The flower shop smelled faintly of potting soil.

Selina always loved the smell. It was probably why she spent so much time at Ivy's greenhouse, just wandering the rows of plants, enjoying the scent of growth and patience.

At the counter Maggie beamed.

"Selina!" She greeted, skirting the counter to wrap her arms around her sister. "How have you been?"

"Great, I just came in for some flowers."

Maggie's blue-grey eyes dimmed. "Oh, for Mr. Nygma's grave?"

"No," she lied. "I thought I'd make my apartment look good for a while."

"Oh, well, what kind would you like?"

"I don't know."

Maggie took her sister's hand gently. "Well, um, what kind of mood are you in?"

"Oh, I don't know." She said, forcing a smile. "Cautiously optimistic?"

Her sister quirked a brow, but lead her across the store. "Why don't you get a potted plant? We just got a shipment of beautiful azalea bonsais in, and there's one that could use some TLC. It got a little jostled in the trip." She picked up a delicate little bonsai with sumptuous pink flowers bursting out among the leaves, making it look almost like a cherry tree. It was a little more ragged than the others on the shelf. "See? Isn't it beautiful? If my boss sees it in this shape, she might make me throw it out. It's pretty wasteful, but it's company policy. I always feel so sorry for the plants."

Selina accepted the plant as it was gently pushed into her hands.

Her sister wrapped her own hands around hers around the base of the bonsai. "A gift from me to you."

"Thank you, Mags."

"You're welcome."

"Maybe I'll get a bouquet too, though. Freshen up another room, hn?"

Maggie nodded. "Of course. How about some purple hyacinth?"

"Sounds good."

As Maggie set her up with her flowers and rang the bouquet through, she smiled. "Why don't you come over to my place tomorrow night for dinner? I'll cook a turkey, it'll be just like thanksgiving!"

Selina chuckled at her sister's bright-eyed enthusiasm and gave in. "Alright."

* * *

><p>As she approached Eddie's grave, winding through the non-descript grave markers in the John Doe section of the cemetery, she spotted a flash of red and slowed her pace. Ahead, Ivy stood over Eddie's unmarked grave, long red hair blowing on the breeze, swirling across her slightly green features.<p>

Selina was about to turn and walk off, when the red head looked up and met her gaze.

Slowly she forced herself over.

Tucking her hair behind her ear, Ivy studied the other woman.

"Dancing on his grave?" Selina teased. There was no point in lying, they both knew whose grave they were standing at.

The woman smirked. "I was going to, but it seems pointless to kick him when he's six feet down."

Beside Ivy, Victor squirmed in his stroller, protected from the sun by a large floppy green hat.

"How have you been?" Selina asked.

The woman handed her son a little toy, he grasped it with wet, gooey hands and slammed it against the tray. "Good, better than I've ever been."

"I'm glad."

"The hyacinths for Ed?"

Hefting the bouquet uneasily, she nodded. "Yeah, thought his grave could use something." Kneeling, she set the flowers down, resting them against the stone marker for plot 2372-81B. As she rose, she felt Ivy's eyes on her and pressed her palms against each other agitatedly.

Without a word, Ivy knelt as well and set her hand against the ground. A thick patch of purple clover sprung up, blanketing the brave in green and purple. She stood up and setting her hands firmly on the handle to the stroller, left the grave behind without any further words.

Selina watched the woman stroll off until she disappeared among the graves, before turning back to Eddie's marker. She smiled a little at the thought that if Eddie were around, he would never let Ivy live that one act of kindness down. She could imagine what he'd say.

In his egocentric way, he'd beamed widely and exclaim, 'well, she was bound to have a bit of a soft spot for me. I am, after all, fantastic'.

* * *

><p><strong>**Pam**<strong>

Gripping her hand hard around the joker playing card clutched between the pushbar handle of her sons stroller and her palm, she stormed through the graveyard, pushing her son quickly through the gravestones, thankful that she had found the card before Selina could see it.

It was one thing for the Joker to go around gloating about killing the Riddler, but it was another thing to mark his kill proudly with a card.

Pam couldn't stand Eddie, but at least she gave him dignity in death.

Purple hyacinths, the flowers of regretful sorrow. There's no way in hell Selina could say that she didn't miss Ed.

The crumpled card got tossed onto the floor of the car, the second she opened the door.

Strapping Victor in, she straightened in time to catch the merest glimpse of a man standing across the street from her vehicle, but he was there and gone so fast that Ivy was sure it was a trick of her eyes.

Still, she ran a hand through her red tresses to push them out of her eyes and took a good long look at the street, both up and down.

* * *

><p><strong>Day Five<strong>

****Selina****

Maggie had asked her over for dinner and she was already well over the time limit to claim fashion as an excuse.

After Eddie's death, she had his ugly assed Buick's ownership transferred over to her alias name and had taken to driving it to get to Maggie's. It sucked driving in the city, but beat taking the bus out to Little Gotham.

Easing into the front seat, she put the key in the ignition and started it.

"I remember this Buick." A voice purred from the backseat.

Tensing, she turned around in her seat to find Jonathan Crane slumped in the back passenger seat, head against the window.

"Crane," she greeted. "What are you doing here?"

"Reminiscing. Why are you driving around in Edward's car, child?" He inquired.

"Is this Eddie's?" She played dumb.

Leaning forward suddenly, Crane dangled his long arms over the bench seat. "Cute. Don't lie to me, my dear, I've been trained to read a person."

"Have you?"

Crawling over the seat, Crane reminded her of a spider with his long limbs. "You didn't come to see me last night." He said, with mock concern. "I got worried."

"It was made clear to me that you really didn't want me around." She said.

Noticing her fiery look, he smirked ever so, the same ghostly smirk he always had. "Ah," he gasped softly, "you were insulted by my insinuation that you didn't care for him."

"I was insulted by your insinuation that I did." She retorted.

Crane, ever stoic, blessed her with his only true facial expression other than cool disinterest, a tiny, barely there smirk. "Every time you lie a child learns there is no Santa Claus." He teased. "Don't treat me like I'm stupid and I'll grant you the same courtesy."

"Get out of my damned car, Jon." She stated.

Crane adjusted his lanky form in the seat, trying to fit his long legs comfortably in the space provided. Giving up, he reached for the lever to adjust the seat, speaking as he struggled. "Did anyone ever tell you about a beautiful young woman named Jessica Duchamp?"

"Jessica Duchamp?"

"Hm, she was gorgeous. Absolute angel of a girl. Strawberry blonde hair, shining blue eyes, a body like a Botticelli."

"Sounds like a real princess."

"Oh, she was a daddy's girl from what I hear. But after Edward stewed and tormented himself over her, he realized that his fascination wasn't with her, but with the riddle of why she rejected him."

"Why should I care?" She growled.

"Oh, you shouldn't really, I suppose. I'm merely making small talk."

Selina, knowing Crane to be a manipulative bastard when he wanted, tightened her grip on the steering wheel, as the Scarecrow went about adjusting his seat.

"Of course, once the riddle of Miss Duchamp was solved it all ended in tragedy." He chuckled like the heartless animal he was. "Poor Edward, he just can't help himself when he's off his meds. His obsessions were constantly the source of his failures. If he could have only laid off those goddamned riddles, he would have been the greatest of us all. He certainly had the intelligence..."

"Stop fucking with the seat and get out, Crane." Selina insisted.

He continued tinkering with it. "Ah, now, Selina dear, don't be upset. I'm sure had Edward lived, he would have married you and the two of you would have lived happily ever after in obscurity." Finally finding the seat to his liking, the Scarecrow stretched his legs.

She quirked a brow and made a move to open his door and physically kick him out, but he stopped her with a strong hand on her wrist.

"Touch me, child, and I'll leave you in a cornfield." His voice was flat and even as always.

"Fine, I can play this game as long as you want." She replied, pulling the car into gear with a fury. "But I'm not going to let your bullshit make me later than I am."

Beside her Crane buckled his seat belt as she pulled the Buick out of it's parking space violently.

* * *

><p>It was awkwardly silent as the green Buick tore through Little Gotham.<p>

On the radio Meatloaf sang about objects in the rear view mirror and at her side Crane eyed the houses they passed with barely contained polite interest.

She wondered what made a man like Crane. Someone who got sick pleasure out of other people's discomfort and grief.

Long ago she had heard a rumour that Crane was just some bullied boy with grew into a tormented man.

But beside her he was calm, cool, not at all tormented. He was _de_mented, but hardly _tor_mented.

"I'm sorry about bringing up Harley all the time," she said once they were an a quiet little residential street. She hoped she could smooth things over with him. It might make life easier.

At her side he was silent for a moment, before speaking. "Hn."

Taking her eyes off the road long enough to gage his reaction, she gripped the wheel a little tighter. "I didn't mean to cause any undue pain."

Crane chuckled dryly. "Pain..."

"Come on, don't tell me you don't miss her even a little." She replied.

"While we're analyzing me, Selina, why don't we take a look at you?" He said. "If you could care less about our deceased friend, then why are you driving around in his car with one of his old ties still in the glove compartment?"

She looked over at him again.

"Yes, I went through the glove compartment." He said. "I have no shame."

"It came with the car." She stated. "Believe me, I don't go back to my apartment and cry myself to sleep over him."

"I'm sure you don't. A strong, capable woman like yourself would feel it belittles her reputation to mourn the loss of someone like the Riddler, considering how much lower he was on the food chain than you are. To you he was a mere toy, you can always find another to replace it."

Having enough of him, she yanked on the wheel, pulling a hard right up and slightly onto the curb. Without so much as a 'how-do-you-do?', she knocked him square in the mouth, feeling the skin of his lip split beneath her knuckles.

Using his shock, she leaned across him and opened the door, then unbuckling his seat belt in the same move and pushed him hard out and onto the sidewalk.

"You can ride in my car when you learn some manners." She purred, peering down at him.

The Scarecrow glared up at her with icy blue eyes, long limbs akimbo.

They both glowered stubbornly at each other for the longest time, before she gave up.

Deciding that perhaps he was suffering just like her at the loss of a companion, she sighed and stuck her hand down to him. She could be the better man.

"Come on, I'll agree not to bring Her up and you can agree not to bring Eddie up…it's a three hour walk back to the bay, Jon."

He continued to glower up at her, blood from his lip running down and over his chin.

She wiggled her offered hand a little. "Come on, I'll take you for a hot turkey dinner."

Reaching up, Crane tentatively wrapped his long, bony hand around hers.

Selina smiled a little in victory, but it died quickly when she found herself being yanked out of the car and on top of the Scarecrow. He reached around her skull and grabbing it, brought it in contact with his forehead hard.

She saw a flash of light, then stars as her head swam from the unexpected head butt.

Crane, satisfied with his retaliation, pushed her off him roughly and rolled over to get to his feet.

Seeing her chance, she grabbed hold of his ankle and swept his leg out from under him.

He buckled to the ground again, where he was immediately straddled and assaulted by the stronger Catwoman. Her small, but powerful fists working his ribs, first the left side, then the right.

They struggled on the ground for a good fifteen minutes, before she finally pinned him properly. Sitting on his chest, with his hands trapped beneath her knees, she smirked in triumph.

"Are you going to be good, this time?" She demanded.

He peered up at her with steady, unwavering eyes.

Slapping him hard on the side of the face, she arched a brow, peering down at him. "I asked you a question, Jonny."

Scowling, he nodded. "Fine."

Giving him a long, hard, studious look, she carefully extracted her limbs from his and stood up.

Crane got to his feet as well, eyeing her warily.

"You're a horrible fighter, Jon." She stated, moving back towards the car. A goddamned headache was on the rise just behind her eyes, she could feel it.

"You fight like a man." He stated.

At her semi-smug smirk, Crane added.

"That wasn't a compliment."

* * *

><p>As she pulled into Maggie's driveway, she turned to her passenger. "Are you going to promise to behave? Because I will slap you down like the hand of God if you insult my sister."<p>

He cocked his head, whether that was a yes or no, Selina accepted it. Crane didn't look like he had too much fight left in him anyways. He looked like she beat the crap out of him, but there was no fight left in those unholy eyes of his.

Stepping out of the car, she wandered up the sidewalk to the door and rang the bell.

Her sister opened the door with a wide grin. "Selina, we were…" she trailed off, eyeing the area over Selina's shoulder. "We were beginning to think you weren't coming."

Following her sister's gaze, she found Crane standing there, hands in the pockets of his raggedy coat.

Crane was taller than Eddie, and since Eddie was taller than Selina by nearly a head, Crane was about two heads taller than both Kyle women and as such absolutely towered over everything before him.

He looked like someone starved Lurch.

Hugging her sister tightly, she pulled away with a kiss to her sister's cheek and stepped inside. "How have you been, Mags?"

"Good, great, actually. Come into the dining room, I was just about to serve dinner."

The two women stepped into the dining room where they found Temple Fugate seated at the table, pocket watch in hand.

"You're late." He growled. "Why is Jonathan Crane standing in the hall?"

Crane moved into the room swiftly, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his coat. "Why is Fugate here?" He hissed at Selina.

"He's seeing Maggie." She replied. It was only then that she forgot she didn't introduce Crane to her sister properly. "Oh, Maggie this is Jonathan Crane. Crane, this is my sister Maggie."

Too busy glowering at the Clock King to care, Crane merely inclined his head ever so in Maggie's direction.

Instantly Selina knew it would be a good night. If she got lucky both men would beat the hell out of one another and she'd be able to go home with her bloodlust satisfied.

* * *

><p>Dinner was awkward, but at least it was delicious.<p>

Beside Selina, Jonathan Crane ate heartily, politely cramming mouthfuls of turkey and mashed potatoes into his mouth.

She wondered if he was eating properly at all in his hideout or if the food she had brought him was the first decent meals he had in three months.

"So, Mister Crane, are you and Selina good friends?" Maggie asked softly.

"Hardly. I don't think we've spent more than…two hundred some collective minutes in each other's presence."

"I see."

"I wasn't even aware she had a sister until fifteen minutes ago."

"O-oh…then why…?"

"I'm here for the hot meal."

"Ah."

Maggie gave her sister a look like she was drowning.

Selina swooped in to save the conversation. "Crane wants to get to know me better." She said. "I think he thinks he has a chance." Leaning towards her sister she whispered, "it's kind of a sad situation."

Beside her Crane froze, before he opened his mouth again to take a calm bite of succulent turkey.

"Everyone thinks you're dead, Crane." Fugate pointed out, daubing at the corners of his mouth with a napkin.

"And?" Crane inquired.

"I'm merely making an observation."

Dabbing at his own mouth politely, Jonathan Crane set aside the napkin and sighed. "No observation is worth it, if it gets you a kick in the teeth at some point down the road."

"Do you have some kind of an issue with me, Doctor Crane?" Fugate demanded.

"No, he doesn't." Selina broke in firmly. "He's been like this lately, trying to pick fights with everyone." She eyed Crane, giving him a silent warning that if he pursued this fight he was after, she'd be the one to give it to him.

His battered mouth twitched ever so in cruel amusement and he went back to eating.

* * *

><p>"Thank you, Maggie. I wish I could stay longer, but I want to get home and get some sleep." She remarked, hugging her sister tightly.<p>

Maggie beamed at her as they pulled away from the embrace. "Here, I'll get you and Doctor Crane some leftovers to take home!"

"It's okay," Selina tried to insist, but her sister was already hopping off into the kitchen.

Standing at her side in the front hall to Maggie's pre-war style home, Jonathan Crane sniffed.

"Your sister is a lot prettier than you." He observed.

Selina pursed her lips at his attempt to pick another fight and inclined her head. "She is, isn't she?" Turning to him, she asked, "is it Doctor or Professor? I've been hearing people call you both."

"It is both," he replied, moving across the hall to adjust a picture on the wall. "I have a doctorate, I am a Doctor. I taught Psychology at Gotham University, I am a Professor."

"Which do you prefer?"

Turning from the painting, he cocked his head at her question. "Doesn't matter. Either one is far better than Jonny or Jon. I did the work, I earned the titles bestowed upon me."

"Hn, seems like some people got killed along the way, Jon."

His blue eyes twinkled eerily. "Some people usually do. You can't have a steak without slaughtering some cattle."

Maggie scurried back into the front hall, loaded down with containers of leftovers, some wrapped with a Martha Stewartesque sense of aesthetics and function in aluminium foil. She turned bright eyes on Crane as he unburdened her.

"Thank you, my child."

She nodded. "I'm glad you liked it."

Selina smiled ever so at her sister. "I'll stop by and visit you sometime, Mags."

"Come over anytime!" She stated. "You're always welcome here. You too Doctor Crane!"

Watching the whole scene in slow motion, Selina found herself unable to intercede as Maggie wrapped her arms around Crane just as she did with her sister.

The tall man tightened his grip on the leftovers and frowned ever so in discomfort over the top of Maggie's head.

* * *

><p>"Your sister has personal boundary issues." Crane griped as they loaded the leftovers in the Buick.<p>

Selina shook her head. "It's called being nice, Jon. She gave me a hug, so she extended the kind gesture to you. Most people aren't giant bastards, you know."

"Was that a shot?" He demanded, standing to his full height.

"You'll know when it's a shot." She replied. "Get in," she waited until he was inside the car to mutter, "you spindly lunatic."

Once in the car, on the way down the quiet suburban streets, she glanced over.

Crane was eyeing the passing houses idly, quietly.

As with Eddie, Selina wondered just what the scholars of men were thinking when they fell into a silence such as the one Crane was in. What his mind was capable of. What dark thoughts lingered there.

Eyeing the street, she pondered Crane. He sought to distance himself from people, yet here he was in the car with her. Did he have an ulterior motive? Was he using her somehow? For something?

"Edward always hated Little Gotham." Crane remarked simply. "He said it reminded him of his youth."

Selina turned the Buick down a maple lined street, heading for the freeway. "Did he talk a lot about his childhood with you?"

"No."

"How did you get to be such good friends with him?" She asked.

Shifting his long form in the seat, Crane sighed. "Can we have a conversation devoid of him? Perhaps one about you?"

She smirked in the near dark. "What do you want to know?"

"You were an orphan, am I correct?"

"Why do you ask?"

"As an orphan you felt that there wasn't a single place in the world where you really belonged, yes?"

"Crane-"

"When you aged out of the orphanage - I'm guessing it was Catholic - you found yourself unprepared for the darkness that dwelt within the human race. Something happened? You were raped or taken advantaged of, yes?"

Her hands tightened their grip on the steering wheel. He was eerily close.

"You were digging around in my past?"

"No. Your face and your reaction told me. Was it rape?"

"Let's talk about you." She said firmly. "Were you really bullied as a boy?"

"Brutally. I can't foresee it being actual rape…were you molested? Assaulted?"

"Did they beat you?" She asked, ignoring his question.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Did they beat you?"

"Mercilessly. Who did it? Assaulted you? Did you eventually kill them?"

She fell silent, taking the cloverleaf onto the freeway.

At her side Crane was quiet as well, his pale eyes like cold headlights, peering at her in the dark, breaking through the shadows of the Buick's interior.

Thankfully, after a few miles of silent driving, he turned back to the window.

"Do you do ever do normal things, Selina?" He asked after a while. "Do you ever try and fit in with the masses?"

"Sometimes I go on dates with men."

"Since Edward died?"

She pursed her lips. "No. What about you?"

"I try to do so-called 'normal' things. But I'm awkward no matter what I do." He replied.

"Maybe it's those long limbs of yours?" She suggested playfully.

In the dark she couldn't tell if he was smirking or wincing and was about to apologize when he spoke in a voice that was mild, to non-threatening, a refreshing change coming from him.

"They do make fitting in hard to do." He said.

She laughed softly, it was more of an exhale. "Have you always been this lanky?"

"Actually I was quite small for a boy."

"Was that why you were bullied?"

He fell silent, head bowed to his lap. "Not entirely."


	3. Warnings & Water

**_Violeta27 - What can I say? Crane is a sentimental killer._**

**_The Sacred and Profane - Yikes, I would try, but the only problem is I dislike alternate universe storylines...so I kind of avoid those comics. But perhaps some day, to try something different I'll take a whack at it. I mean, I enjoy a challenge! (And a good whacking! ...that sounded a lot dirtier than it was meant to be...)  
><em>**

**_Robot521 - Yeah, Crane and Lina have a little thing going on that I did not nurture in any way, shape or form, they just put themselves there. Like Magic! O_O WITCHCRAFT! *grabs a torch*_**

**_NURSE J0Y - I'm glad to see you're caught up! ^_^ Thanks for the reviews, you have some good insights.  
><em>**

**_Oh, snap! Here comes Sweden, everybody act cool! Don't embarrass me!_**

**_Spy [leans against locker]: Oh...hey baby...ah...is that a mirror in your pocket, cuz I wanna sex you up. Wait that's not right. Dammit!  
><em>**

**_The courtship continues...  
><em>**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Three: Warnings &amp; Water<strong>

**Day Six**

****Fries****

In his arms, protected by the thick barrier of his suit, his son squirmed.

Victor Fries, proud as any father, carted the boy around with him across the lawns of the weathered Victorian house that he had occupied, heading for the greenhouse where Victor Junior's mother was puttering around with her other children.

Securing his boy with another strong arm, Fries smiled as the child slapped an uncoordinated little hand against his chest with glee.

Using his foot to gently nudge open the greenhouse door, he pressed on.

Because of his plant aided gestation, Victor didn't take poorly to the heat and humidity like a normal child would, but seemed to actually perk up in the climate of the greenhouse, cooing and garbling loudly to all the plants he passed like someone saying 'hello' to old friends.

"Pam?" Fries called out politely, giving the woman her space and privacy as much as a man could do for a woman living in a glasshouse.

Turning the corner onto the main aisle, he caught a glimpse of the red head, seated at her workbench, calmly chatting away with his beloved Nora in her chamber.

Fries smiled. He loved that Pam acknowledged Nora, that she spoke with his wife as though she were still capable of holding a normal two-side conversation.

"Pam?" He interrupted.

The woman glanced over her shoulder, pushing her glasses up into her fiery hair. "I thought you'd never bring him back." She said, holding her arms out for her son.

With a soft chuckle, Fries handed the boy off to his mother.

"I hope Nora isn't boring you with that fish story of hers," he said.

Pam beamed, cradling her baby to her chest. "Actually I think I was boring her with a weird story of my own. You know I went to the cemetery a few days ago," she began.

That alone had Fries' attention and he quirked his head. "Cemetery?"

"Ozzie told me where they had buried Eddie, so I went to gloat a little."

Quirking a non-existent eyebrow, Fries scolded her ever so.

"I know," she said, "not my finest hour…"

"So, you danced on the poor man's grave…"

"No." She sighed. "I couldn't do it. I hate the guy, but…damn my sense of good morals."

Fries chuckled. "Of course."

"I swear there was a man following me at the cemetery."

With a wrinkled brow, Victor Fries moved in closer to the woman. "Someone was following you?"

"Well…maybe, they were there and then gone. Maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me."

"Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?"

Pam shrugged. "It's no big deal, Victor. I don't think it was anything serious. Probably a shadow." She laughed then, it was dark and seductive. "I was just telling Nora that I thought at first maybe I was losing my mind completely."

"Pam, if you think you saw someone, you very well could have." He stated.

She smirked at him over VJ's head. "Calm down, Victor. It was nothing. You're just going into defence mode."

Eyeing the woman, Fries was reluctant to merely brush the thought of someone stalking her off as casually as she did, still he gave her a single nod and with a farewell to his son and his wife, turned on his heel, heading back for the house.

* * *

><p><strong>**Crane**<strong>

He was injecting a batch of fear gas into the little grenades that he kept them in, when a cat leapt up onto the table he was at and sniffed around.

Furrowing his brow at it, Crane blew a puff of air in it's face, causing the feline to draw back in annoyance.

When the cat refused to budge from the tabletop, Crane flailed a bony hand at it.

It drew back further, but hesitated at the edge, eyeing him with cold, yellow eyes.

Curling his middle finger up under the pad of his thumb, he directed his finger weapon at a projectile made from a spare trigger button that lay on the worn wood and let fly with all the power contained in his hand.

The button struck the cat in the neck and it leapt down with only a subtle 'fuck you' in it's gaze.

Crane smirked proudly to himself and continued with his work. He had another week before his self-appointed revenge date and he wanted to be laden down with enough gas to put the Joker into a complete and utter mental shutdown state. It wouldn't be as satisfying as taking down a fully aware man, but then again it was sheer lunacy to take on the Joker without an edge.

Sensing doom approaching (and quite possibly hearing the boots on the metal grating of the ships bowels), Crane glanced up and over at the door, waiting.

Eventually she poked her head in, cat ears creating a very familiar silhouette against the lights from the hall.

He smirked ever so and bowed his head back to his work.

For the longest time she didn't say anything, just slunk to stand across the table from him, easing into the shadows and blending in.

He could have sworn her purple eyes were so sharp, so bright that they blazed through the darkness and shone at him.

"You're dressed up tonight," he remarked. "Plans of world domination?"

"Working."

He quirked a brow. "Good for you."

"Here," she said, emerging from the dark to place a soft looking pillow on the table beside his work. "I noticed you don't have a pillow to sleep with. So I brought you one."

Poking at it with a long finger, Crane sniffed. "Really, Selina, you make this place any homier and I may begin to actually hate it."

She returned to her darkness quietly.

"You seem off tonight." He stated. "Have you returned to a life of sin with faceless men or do you just have your 'game face' on?"

Sharp eyes were the first warning he got from her. "I'm just tired, Crane."

"Then you should be at home in bed." He said.

"I thought maybe I'd come over here and sleep in your chair. It looked ever so comfy."

"Sarcasm is the sign of a weak mind." He replied.

She flashed her claws in the light and studied them. "Goodnight, Jon."

Watching the woman as she wandered back across the room and out into the hall, gave Jonathan the distinct feeling that she had finally stepped into the sixth stage of grief. Depression. He may not have held any care for the woman or her species, but he was curious.

Pushing up from his table, he moved off after her.

Catching her as she crawled into the small boat, he hopped in after her, perching on the wooden plank and tilting his head down to peer at her.

She ignored his presence, shoving off from the ship and rowing.

Crane, for the most part, studied her critically.

It was hard to do when one was wearing a mask, but he found it even harder in the near dark.

"So are you planning on sitting in your little boat until you decay, Gilligan?" She asked.

He gazed out over the water, watching the blue and orange of Gotham's lights leaping and rippling over the reflective surface of the water. "Of course not."

"When will you be ready to kill the Joker?"

The question caught his attention and he looked at her carefully. "Why do you care?"

"Because I'm going to kill him tonight." She said. "So you'd better get off your ass if you want a shot."

Crane smirked ever so. It was anger, was it? He could handle anger. "You won't kill the Joker, Selina dear. You're not that kind of personality type."

"I've killed." She argued.

"Not like that, I would imagine."

"It'd be doing Gotham a favour to kill that asshole." She said.

"I could care less about Gotham and so could you." He pointed out, observing her clenched jaw and the way she held herself. Like a coiled spring waiting to be sprung. "Leave the killing to one who has no moral restrictions, like myself."

"No offence, Doc, but I don't exactly trust your fighting abilities."

"And I don't exactly trust your mental state to make such a decision at this point in time."

Leaving the rowboat to drift aimlessly, Selina rest the oars across her lap and glowered at him. "I'm going to murder him, Crane."

"No you won't."

"Don't presume to know me, Jon."

Without a word, he leaned forward and gripped her upper arms hard, using her shock to his advantage, he half dragged, half threw her into the water, she didn't go peacefully, grabbing hold of his forearm with a sharp claw and dragging it down the length of his arm.

Blood bubbled up from the sliced flesh like an artisan well.

Floundering in the water, she seemed unable to swim properly, gripping the side of the boat desperately, threatening to tip it. Her claws left long gouges in the wood of the rowboat as she panicked in the waters.

Crane eyed her studiously, as though watching a butterfly flit about on flowers.

It was when she began to really panic and her movements became even more erratic and nonsensical that he realized that either she didn't know how to swim, she wasn't a strong swimmer, or perhaps like all cats she just didn't like the water.

Amazed by finding a weakness in her, he grinned wickedly.

As she went under for what seemed like the last time, he finally managed to pull himself from his study and moved to the side with the oar, poking it into the water for her to grab a hold.

When he felt no movement against the wooden paddle, he began to grow just a little worried. Not over her death, but that he had perhaps let his one and only friend down by killing the woman he seemed fond of.

With slight hesitation over the temperature of the water and his dislike over the acidity of the salt in the water drying out his already sensitive skin, he dove over the edge of the rowboat and into the waters in search of the Catwoman.

Mild panic set in when he found no trace of her in the dark, blurry waters, so when his lungs began to burn, he returned to the surface where the bottom of the boat was seen thanks to the lights of Gotham.

Emerging near it, he had set one hand on the edge of the rowboat, when an oar came out of nowhere. It was the last thing he saw before his vision faded to black.

* * *

><p><strong>**Selina**<strong>

Growling to herself, she dragged the long, thin carcass of Jonathan Crane down the rusty grating, towards his lair.

She was cold and wet and the salt water burned her eyes like a bitch. There was nothing she hated more than swimming. Beaches and boats were for lounging on in a tiny bikini soaking up sun, not for swimming.

The crazy son of a bitch had caught her off guard and she knew she had made an ass of herself in the waters of Gotham Bay.

She didn't even really care if the oar he took to the head killed him or not. He had it coming.

Dropping his corpse unceremoniously in the middle of his lair, she left him in search of some dry clothes to change into. If she had to wear his, all the better, because really fuck Crane!

Yanking off her mask, she dropped it heavily on his work table and went about digging through his things. It wasn't until she had found an old pair of well worn brown tweed trousers and a white dress shirt and changed into them, that she even worried herself with Jonathan Crane.

She approached his body to find his thin chest rising a falling and scowled. Hooking her hands under his arms, she hauled his body off the cold metal floor and propped it against a bulkhead.

The best way to get back at him for being a bastard would be to undress him and tuck him under his blanket, if only to enrage him over the invasion of his personal space, but she decided against it.

Instead she opted to leave him.

However, at the door she turned and looked back at his body. The water stuck his white dress shirt to his body and through it she could see the bandages covering the wound on his impossibly thin stomach. She bowed her head indecisively, before turning back and walking towards him.

Kneeling, she carefully began unbuttoning his shirt, hoping to God he didn't wake. It would only make things worse.

Professionally, she undressed him.

He was so thin. It was hard to imagine that he was even able to hold his scythe in battle, when she found only the barest trace of muscle on his frame. It was as though he were literally nothing but pale skin stretched over narrow bones.

Of course she had notice he was thinner now that he was in hiding then before when he was with Harley.

Struggling to get him into the only other dry outfit she could find, his Scarecrow costume, she hauled his ass over to his chair and put him in it, off the cold floor.

Realizing he might be concussed, she grabbed his medical kit and eased onto the arm of his chair to poke carefully at his head wound, cleaning it with what she could find, before bandaging it up properly.

She then tended to the wound on his arm, wrapping it up like Christmas in the gauze provided, before carefully touching his undamaged arm and shaking.

"Crane?" She whispered. When she got no response, she shook him a little harder. "Hey, Jonny-boy, up and at 'em!"

He was still.

"I hope to God you're not in a coma, it'd ruin this magical night for me." She remarked darkly, eyeing him for a strategic spot to pinch. But since man was all skin and bones, there was no excess anything to grip.

Finally she settled on setting a hand on the side of his face.

"Crane? If you don't wake up, I'm going to throw you overboard." She smirked to herself as she slapped his face gently.

Thankfully he began to stir ever so, his eyes fluttering under thin, grey lids. After a few more taps, his brow furrowed and he opened both eyes ever so. "Don't touch me." He mumbled.

She quirked a brow, but didn't stop.

A thin hand came up and weakly fought her off.

"Stop that," he complained.

"Do you feel concussed?" She asked, removing her hand.

"I feel like you whacked me upside the cranium with an oar," he shot back, eyes opening wide, peering at her with all the venom of an asp.

"Don't you dare try and tell me that you didn't deserve it." She said. "Maybe a good scrambling of your brains might work out for you in the end…"

With a slight scowl he shoved her off the chair arm.

Selina landed hard on her ass, but ignored the pain, she was just thankful that Crane wasn't dead.

Touching a hand to his wounded head, the Scarecrow sat up. "Why would you hit a man upside the head, you nasty little thing?"

She stood up at well. "Why would you push someone overboard, you gigantic ass?"

A cold, cruel smile twisted the man's features. "You're afraid of water."

"I think that oar knocked you stupid." She stated.

Wincing, Crane's smile died on his lips and he touched his hand to his head again.

Selina carefully approached him, knowing his propensity for sudden retaliation. "Do you feel like you're going to throw up?"

"No. I'm not concussed." He snapped.

"Here, I have a penlight among my gear," she said, moving towards her wet costume. "I can check your reaction to the light."

Crane quirked a brow. "Well, aren't you a clever little stray."

Fumbling for the penlight, she motioned for him to sit back in his chair.

Reluctantly he did so, grumbling the entire time as she perched on the arm once more to peer down at him, flashing the light into his eye.

"Your pupil's are reacting appropriately, follow the light." She said.

He did so, pale, crystalline blue eyes moving back and forth with the penlight.

"I think you'll be fine." She stated.

"Of course," he said, "you're the doctor."

Crane dropped his gaze and for a moment Selina could have sworn he was looking at her tits. Only when she followed his gaze that she remembered she was wearing his clothes and that his button up shirt revealed the cat pendant Eddie had given her. She closed the shirt quickly.

He frowned deeply, turning his eyes on his own lap.

"You undressed and redressed me, didn't you?"

"You were soaking wet." She growled, grabbing the blanket she had brought and throwing it over him.

"I would consider that gross invasion of my privacy a sexual assault of sorts." He stated.

"Oh yeah, I get off on seeing sociopaths in the buff."

"You're a filthy creature." He snarled.

"I'm sorry, did you want me to leave you cold and wet on the metal grating?"

"I would prefer that, yes."

"Fine, next time I won't do you any favours."

"Good. Keep your dirty claws to yourself."

"Jesus, you're an asshole." She scoffed, slinking towards the door. "I'll bring your rags back tomorrow."

"Selina!" He called after her.

She turned at the door, her soaking costume in hand. To find him looking at her without any of his previous malice.

"Don't go after the Joker alone." He said. "It'll take two of us to take him out."

Selina hide her victorious smirk behind a curtain of wet hair. "You wouldn't be thinking of using this poor little kitty as bait, would you, Jon?"

"It would make more sense to have you by my side than at my feet as an offering, wouldn't it?" He inquired.

"I would say so."

"Then why would I want to risk angering you when I can have you as back-up?"

"Give me a few days heads up when you decide to move." She replied, already heading down the hall, not giving him a chance to have the last word.

* * *

><p><em>Her hands were travelling over his bare chest, putting into memory every dip and hollow of his lean muscles, memorizing the smooth expanse of his torso idly.<em>

_They were about to make love, or they just had, she wasn't sure. But they were on the sofa in his apartment, Eddie slouched low among the cushions, Selina straddling him._

_Beneath her he chuckled and playfully tugged her hair._

"_Where's my freckle, kitten?" He cooed._

_She bit her bottom lip. "Behave yourself and you might see it again."_

_A gloved hand brushed her long, dark hair off her shoulder, sliding down to cup her breast, a thumb drawing over the sensitive nipple. "You put out so much body heat," he observed, still playing patiently with her breast, experimenting with it, testing her reactions to his touch. "Like a little space heater."_

_Selina felt a deep rumbling coming from her chest, a purr that only Eddie could draw out of her. Since they fell into a comfortable routine, his hands had become steady and patient on her body, moving over her flesh easily, testing new sensations all across her body. It would be a caress here, a sharp pinch there or sometimes he would deny her a touch that forced her to react._

"_Let's play a game." He whispered. "If I can get you to say my name, you show me the freckle."_

"_And if I don't say your name, what do I win?"_

"_What do you want?"_

"_Let me use my claws a little." She said._

_Eddie chuckled. "Alright. It's a deal." With that he bowed his head to her breast and nipped hard at the side of it._

"_Jesus, Eddie!" She gasped in shock. "That's a delicate area!"  
><em>

_He sat up with a sly grin. "That was too easy!"_

_Despite losing, she laughed softly at him, hand still rubbing the spot he assaulted. "You cheated."_

"_I'm sorry, did we lay down specific rules with which to adhere?"_

_She pursed her lips._

"_Where's my prize, kitten?"_

_Sitting up higher on her knees, she hooked a thumb into the right side of the waistband on her underwear and tugged them down, down far enough that she nearly put herself on wicked display for him._

_There, in the tender area between her Pubis Mons and the joint where her thigh and hip met was that one, dark freckle among the sea of her pale, creamy flesh that Eddie had come to adore._

_Touching reverent fingers to the area, Eddie smirked. "You should tattoo a tiny crook over that freckle and make it into a mark worth obsessing over."_

_She quirked a brow at him. "I could, but then if I tattoo a question mark on my body everyone would think I belonged to you."_

_Thin lips created an __'O', as Eddie reacted. "Or they'd think you have a very puzzled patch of flesh."  
><em>

"_Nobody likes a smart ass, Ed." She replied._

Violet eyes opened, heavy lidded with sleep, to the sound of sirens wailing under Selina's open bedroom window. She was dreaming. It was just another night in Gotham and she was dreaming of Eddie. But he was still dead. No dream would ever change that.

* * *

><p><strong>Day Seven<strong>

****Crane****

"You bring vermin like a plague brings death."

Across the room, beating the hell out of an old mattress wrapped around a support beam, Selina Kyle paused to wipe the sweat out of her eyes with the back of a bloodied, bandaged hand.

Crane smirked darkly at his work.

"What?" She demanded.

"The cats, my child." He stated, pointing a pen at the newest one currently offending him by tracking the very pen he was using to point at it with.

She ignored him, bending her toned frame to keep limber while she reached for the bottle of water on the grating at her feet.

Since he wasn't a saint and he was completely human, he found himself eyeing the view without any care of propriety. She knew what she was wearing and she damned well knew which direction her ass was facing when she decided to bend over.

"I didn't put it in the air for your benefit, Jon." She growled, standing up with her water. Glancing over her shoulder, she glared hard at him with sharp purple eyes over her bottle as she drank.

Crane quirked a brow. "I'm surprised your ass is still firm looking, considering you must be at least forty." He remarked, it was an insult that he tossed out, hoping she'd forget he had been looking at her ass to begin with by taking the bait and changing subjects.

Selina calmly set her water bottle down, mindful of the direction she bent when she did so. "You know, Crane, I've seen you in a fight, you might want to stop ogling me and get over here to get in a few practice hits too." She stated.

"A smart fighter should never have to lay a hit," he stated, returning to his chemical theory. He was hoping to have a new version of his fear gas perfected before the upcoming battle.

Selina chuckled. "You know it never works out that way when push comes to shove."

"That's what my scythe is for." He grumbled.

"And when that fails?" She demanded, thrusting her foot at the mattress, whipping around to give it another good kick.

"That's what you're for."

She took one last swing at the poor mattress, before spinning on him. "And if I fail?"

"You won't." He stated.

"You seem to be thinking highly of me today," she said.

"Hn?' He looked up from his work. "I'm sorry, I wasn't really paying attention. What were we talking about?"

"Maybe I should put my ass back in the air, that seemed to get your full attention." She stated.

Crane scowled. "Go back to making your bed."

"Actually, I should probably go home. I want to get some rest tonight." She stated, unwrapping the bandages from around her hands.

"I don't care what you do, just keep your mouth shut while you're doing it."

Dropping the wrappings where she stood, Selina scoffed. "Always charming, Crane."

"Yes, that's the result of a proper education for you."

"See you tomorrow." She said.

He flailed his hand in the direction of her voice.

After he was sure it was safe, he moved across the room to the porthole to watch her shove off in the little rowboat.

As he turned back, out of the corner of his eye, Crane caught a shadow slip out the door.

Worried about it being someone who shouldn't be there, Crane leapt back to his table, grasped his scythe and raced out after his guest.

Up above there was nothing. No sign of anyone.

Still, he gave the ship a once over, stalking what was no doubt just his imagination, but still being cautious.

Back in his lair, Crane secured the heavy steel door behind him to be safe and moved back to his table to finish his work for the night. He needed sleep. That was all. He was seeing things because his mind wasn't working properly.

"I can't say I approve," a clear, well spoken tone broke through the night coming from a dark corner of his home.

Crane's hand went immediately to one of his gas grenades.

"Oh, don't, please. I don't feel much like having a full on fear attack right now."

"Who's there?" He demanded, raising the weapon in his hand.

"I've been dead so long you can't even remember my voice? Now that's salt in the wound, Jonathan."

Then, as though he were only taking a stroll up top and had come back casual as you please, the Riddler emerged from the shadows in all his costumed splendour. Question marks both on the bowler and the tie, domino mask firmly in place.

Crane stood up, on guard and in shock. "Edward…am I hallucinating?" Once (though he never admitted it to anyone) Jonathan had gassed himself while setting a grenade and had a three hour-long session with his own sanity. A dead Riddler returning could be the result of some such incident, couldn't it?

"Yes, Jonathan, I'm the Ghost of Marley and you've been a very wicked boy, Ichabod." The Riddler exclaimed, sweeping his arms out. Strapped to his right arm was a strange device.

Crane scowled. If this wasn't a hallucination, dead Riddler was about to be put right back in the grave, because no one called him Ichabod anymore…

"Don't clench your hands, Jonathan, I'll take it as a challenge. I called you Ichabod so you wouldn't think me a mere copycat." Edward said, resting his hands heavily on the table between them. "How many others in Gotham's underworld know your pet name?"

"Copycat?"

"Who wouldn't want to replace me as the most brilliant of all villains? It has been done before."

Eyeing the shape before him, tall, lean, dressed in a clean, perfect three piece oxford suit, Crane was suddenly quite sure he was facing his old friend. "So you're alive, hn?"

"The devil's greatest trick was convincing the world he didn't exist, the Riddler's greatest trick is convincing Gotham he's dead." Edward replied with a broad grin.

"And so…?"

"And so, you need to do two things for me, Jonathan."

"Sounds an awful lot like a favour."

"Well, one is a favour, the other will be a very real threat." Edward replied casually.

"If it's about-"

"It is about Selina's ass, yes."

Crane smirked ever so. "Is that the threat or the favour."

"The favour is that you discourage her from getting involved in this death wish of yours." The Riddler said, blue eyes flashing from behind his domino mask, cane coming to rest pointedly on the table between them. "The threat is something along the lines - blah, blah, don't look at her ass again, blah."

"Can you blame me, though?" Crane inquired, glancing down at his array of grenades on the table before him.

Touching a hand to his chin, Edward smirked. "No, no I can't."

"So, where have you been keeping yourself, Edward?" Jonathan turned to his friend, only to find him gone.

The room around him was empty and silent.

Turning around, Crane looked about the room. "Edward?"

He was alone again. And once more, he wasn't entirely sure he hadn't been hallucinating the return of the Riddler. That was all. His damned mind conjured up some form of hallucination to deal with the mild guilt it felt over his eyes roaming Selina's rear end. Yes, it wasn't his insane mind or an actual ghost, but his sleepless mind playing tricks on him.


	4. Vibrations & Tensions

**_Violeta27 - I figured they'd all be pretty used to random acts of violence against each other, so they'd get over it easily._**

**_Robot521 - Giggle away, my friend. I'm really enjoying writing the fights between Lina and Jonny. They're both childish, and very, very deadly._**

**_eatingsupernoodles - You're one of the best Batman fanfic reviewers ever! Thanks for the kind words, they'll go straight to my head._**

**_TanithSeh1011 - The beauty of Jonathan Crane is that he is - in fact - a dick! ^_^ But I sincerely love him._**

**_NURSE J0Y - Ah, throwing a little of The Usual Suspects my way...enjoying the reference..._**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Four: Vibrations &amp; Tensions<strong>

**Day Seven**

****Selina****

That night she curled up in her bed, surrounded by her cats and struggled to sleep.

Outside Gotham was alive, but in her apartment nothing seemed to live or thrive, it was time had stopped and the only things moving across the polished wood floors were the cats.

Maybe it was the weather. It had been warm all day and ended with a fog rolling in from the bay.

The wind shifted ever so, sliding in her South facing window and caressing her, spilling fresh air over the bed, over the cats and over her form.

Despite all this, she still twisted in her sheets, struggling to find comfort.

_There was a long, blindingly white hall._

_She supposed she was meant to travel down it, moving for the black door at the end, but Selina ignored it in favour of a plain white door that would have gone unnoticed._

_Through the door the world was monotone. Shades of grey and gritty, like an old movie._

_She didn't know this part of Gotham, but it was Gotham. For some reason she felt that it was home._

_The streets were empty, littered with things that denoted the presence of humans, but devoid of anyone._

_She moved down streets with no name on bare feet, her long dark hair hanging loose._

_Nothing._

_No one._

_The more she travelled, the more confused she became. For some reason she was scared. Where was the life, the thrum of Gotham?_

_Somewhere a mad laughter bubbled up, rising over the empty apartment buildings and forsaken high rises, enveloping the city in the taunting, cruel soundtrack._

_And then the street crumbled at her feet and she found herself crouching on that rooftop overlooking Eddie's burning apartment building, only she could see him inside, hear his flesh sizzle._

_She could save him. If she moved fast enough, she could save him. He__'d be burnt but alive._

_Turning, she took a single step, before her legs went rubbery._

_Her feet refused to work, she couldn't even stand._

_Dragging herself to the edge, she peered over, but the building was gone._

_Gotham was quiet once more._

"_Eddie!" She sobbed.  
><em>

A form eased onto the bed at her hip, but with the summer breeze came a familiar scent. One that brought immediate tears to her eyes with the painful reminder of a man who died.

Selina opened her damp eyes.

In the near dark, the figure was silhouetted by the light from the streetlamp outside, giving him a bluish aura.

A slender hand slid up her jaw to cup her face tenderly, while a gloved thumb slipped over her bottom lip.

"Shh," he whispered. "You were having a nightmare."

"It's still a nightmare, isn't it?" She muttered, leaning into his touch the familiar voice putting her at ease.

"Depends." He remarked. "Do you dream about me often?"

She chuckled, before something struck her as out of place for a dream. Namely everything.

As her head cleared of all the thick, wet-cement sleep, she realized that it wasn't a dream. That it was - in fact - very real.

Gathering the sheets to her bare chest, she pushed into a sitting position.

"Jesus! This isn't a dream, is it?" Reaching out with her free hand, she touched his arm, brushing her fingers over the material of his suit jacket. "Eddie?"

The light caught his impish grin as he beamed at her, blue eyes twinkling through his domino mask. "Hello, kitten. Miss me?"

Retracting her hand from his arm, she curled it before her. This had to be a dream. Eddie was dead.

Without much thought, the hand that she had curled struck out and hit him solidly in the gut, glancing off his ribs to hit his stomach.

He tumbled from the bed onto the floor, holding his assaulted stomach. "That's how Houdini died…" he gasped from his new position on the floor.

Touching her bare feet onto the cool wooden floor, she eyed him. "Are you okay?"

He held out a hand. "Yeah, no, that was a reasonable response…and quite unexpected…"

"Good." She snarled, giving his side a good kick with her bare foot. "You son of a bitch!"

Clambering away from her attack, he laughed, still holding his belly.

Pouncing, she landed on him, straddling his hips and giving him a few more knocks about his head, before grabbing hold of his suit front and yanking him up to address him. "Three months, you ass! You've been alive for three months and I've…"

It wasn't until the reality of it all sunk into her head, that she calmed enough to properly eye him. It was Eddie alright, but with the domino mask, she could only imagine that the Riddler was back. She found she didn't care as much as she thought she would.

Her grip on his suit loosened and she glowered down at him.

"I wanted to wait until things calmed down a bit." He said. "There's a time and place for everything and being a genius I have perfect punctuality when it comes to such things."

She surrounded herself in his voice, savouring it. It didn't matter if what he said was boastful or arrogant, all that mattered was that he still had a voice, that his heart still beat, that he still had a breath of air in his lungs.

Studying a strange device strapped to his right arm, she scowled. "What is this?"

"I don't know, but I can play Tetris on it."

"Looks like something out of a science fiction show." She replied.

"You changed you hair product." He stated, sniffing a strand of her hair gingerly.

"No."

He took another tentative whiff. "You smell different...like...straw and madness."

"You've been following me."

Beneath her Eddie beamed. "A little. I checked in on you from time to time. I just so happened to be trailing you when you hopped aboard Crane's little dinghy."

"I'm going to let that slide for now. But we'll definitely discuss your stalker habits later." She replied coolly. After a quiet moment, she ran her hand over his chest and murmured. "The Riddler's back, isn't he?"

"Mm."

Glancing away from him for a moment, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm still on my medication, however." He said. "I like the clarity it affords me."

She nodded. "That makes you even more dangerous."

"Measurably." Reaching up, he tugged the hair she had just tamed free once more puckishly. "I don't care for blowing up city hall, nor do I wish to antagonize the Bat. At least not yet. He and I do have some unfinished business, but it can wait for a while longer." He stated. "I have one goal in mind for now."

"The Joker." She said.

"No." He said. "My goal is to get you to let go of it and just leave the Joker be. People only die when they face off against him."

"He tried to kill you!"

"Just let it go, Selina."

She studied him quietly, the electricity in his gaze, the small smirk at the corners of his mouth. He was up to something.

"If I let it go, will you?" She inquired.

Eddie chuckled. "I'm not willing to make deals yet, my dear. But if you promise to behave, I have a very good deal waiting in the wings for you. For now, let's just enjoy the moment, hm? Tomorrow I'll be gone."

She wasn't sure what to make of that. "Why?"

"Because I need to focus completely on my next move and if you stay out of it and stay away from me for the time being, I can end this once and for all." He smirked then, it was comforting to her. "When it's all over, then you can feel free to do with me what you will."

"I can't stay out of this now, Ed." She growled.

"You will. Whether I have to tie you up and a leave you in a basement somewhere in Little Gotham or not."

"The hell you will." She growled.

"The hell I will, indeed, Selina." He stated firmly. "You can handle yourself, there's no dispute over that fact, but I won't risk having you go after the Joker."

"Eddie, you can't just assume I won't help you."

Pushing up, he pressed his lips to hers, it was quick and decidedly not enough for her, but she allowed it in favour of continuing the fight with him.

"Don't think that will change my mind," she said. "It's not a valid argument and you know it."

With a crooked grin, he settled his hand on her bare bottom, sliding it over the swell of her rear wickedly.

"I'm helping you, Eddie."

"There's nothing to help me with, kitten."

Reaching back, she swatted his hand away and pressed her nose to his. "For now, let's say I'll behave. Just to save the argument for another time."

As they fell silent, she realized that while she didn't want to get emotional, having him there, beneath her was something akin to a miracle. After all, didn't she secretly wish he was still alive somewhere? Didn't she go to his grave on a regular basis hoping to find him perched on it like an imp waiting for her? But then again, she didn't want him to know just how much she missed him. She couldn't put her heart out on the line like she had before. If anything happened to Eddie again, she knew it would hurt harder than ever.

Slowly she pushed herself off him and got to her feet, moving towards her vanity pulling on a silk dressing gown from the back of the chair and easing down before the mirror.

Behind her she heard him scramble to his feet. "Missed me that much, huh?" He teased.

Easing down, she went about preening, her hands shaking.

In the mirror she spied Eddie pick up his cane and give it a twirl, before swaying it idly, tapping the side of his oxford with it.

"I got by." She lied.

The Riddler nodded. "Of course. I knew you would."

Behind her she felt him lean down, resting his hand on the back of her chair and lowering himself enough to brush his nose against her neck.

"I also know you're probably just building those icy defences again." He whispered.

She gripped her brush hard, determined not to break. Breaking meant she was just like all the other women in Gotham. Weak willed. Easily hurt. Look at how people reacted to her when they thought Eddie's death would weigh on her? They treated her like a fragile thing. Someone who needed special treatment.

Eddie tossed his cane aside so that he could wrap his other arm around her waist, leaning in closer to her and stroking her hair further back from her face. "I think I can chip away at them once more. Should be fun."

She angled her face towards his, but he was already pushing back to his feet from where he had knelt.

Picking up a bottle of her perfume, he pulled the cap off it and took a tentative whiff, before setting it back and fiddling with some of her other assorted items.

Selina returned to brushing her hair.

Resting his hip against her vanity, Eddie half sat on it, his hands folding on his bent knee.

She knew he was watching her, but she kept brushing her hair. All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him, but she was afraid that if she did, she'd be betraying herself. It would be admitting that he was more than just a bed warmer. After all, she was already acting stupid for him and it just seemed unprofessional. Wasn't she supposed to just be enjoying his company in bed?

Glancing over, she found him smiling at her gently and despite her resolve not to, she found herself smiling a little.

After a few minutes of her struggling to find something to do at her vanity to occupy herself, he stood up.

"Well, I should go."

Leaning over her, he allowed his head to tilt and his lips to rest a mere inch from hers.

He was giving her the choice to kiss him goodbye or not and Selina was indecisive. It was just a goddamned kiss, but if she did kiss him she would probably never want to stop. And for some reason that scared her.

_Goddammit, Lina. Eddie__'s alive and you're being your noncommittal self?_

This was a moment where any normal woman would be showing her gratitude and she couldn't even move. She just studied his soft, pink, thin lips and his three day stubble.

_Move, Lina._

He shifted in his spot, before his blue eyes popped open. Eddie made a small sound in the back of his throat. "Well, goodbye, Selina."

Touching the brim of his bowler, he turned from her, scooping up his cane on his way out.

_Move._

His shoes moved across her carpeted bedroom and hit the wood floor of her hall. The sound of his even steps jolted her.

_Move._

She could hear him at the end of the hall, turning towards the door.

"Eddie? Wait!" She called, turning in her chair.

He was already out of sight, around the corner.

_Did the door close? Was he gone again?_

His lean form took a step back into sight and he turned to face her from the other end of the hall.

_Fuck it. _She thought, pushing to her feet.

He waited expectantly at the end of her hall as she raced towards him.

They nearly toppled when she clashed into his frame, but he managed to strike out his arms and grab the wall, cane clattering against the soft, eggshell paint as Selina's arms snaked around his neck and she pulled him downwards.

Eddie held her tightly as they kissed, like a man who actually wanted to keep her right where she was.

He was never the kind of man who wanted her as a trophy, perfect and pristine, he always just wanted _her_. And she could tell that just from the way he kissed her. It wasn't rushed, it wasn't obscene or lewd, it was a gentle, patient kiss.

As they pulled apart for air, she let her head rest just under his chin.

"I did miss you," she confessed softly.

Pressing his face into her hair, she could feel him smile broadly. "I know."

Once she would have taken this declaration as an act of his extreme arrogance, but she knew now that it was just him pointing out the obvious. Eddie knew she missed him before even she did, because Eddie had a freaky sixth sense when it came to her.

Selina looked down Eddie's body and quirked a brow.

"Well," he cleared his throat. "What did you expect, kitten? Pressing your body against me like this was bound to get a reaction. And though I will be in absolute pain, I feel I must go." Unwinding himself from her arms, the Riddler smiled broadly. It was almost a lustful, wolfish smile. "I'll see you around, kitten."

With jerky movements,he turned towards the door, but stopped just short of turning the doorknob. "Oh, wait…I have…" he went through his pockets, before pulling out a sealed white envelope and holding it out to her. "If I actually die again, I thought it was the least I could do for you."

She eyed the envelope, but refused to touch it. "What is it?"

"My confession," he replied, dangling the thing at her temptingly. "I killed the Romanov's."

"Eddie."

He chuckled and set the unwanted thing on the side table in her front hall. "Well, it's there should anything happen."

Selina eyed it like it was a bomb, something violent and dangerous.

Pressing one final kiss to her temple, Eddie smirked down at her. "You're quite possibly not going to listen to anything I've said tonight and go headfirst into battle with the Joker. But just remember, if worrying about you distracts me from my own goal, I'll wind up dead for real. Do you understand?"

"Don't distract you." She replied simply. "Got it."

He laughed.

Never had Eddie's laugh made her feel so much better than hearing it after so long of thinking him dead. Reaching out, he pulled her in close to him, holding her fast and tight to his body, arms around her waist.

"There's never been anyone quite like you, kitten." He exclaimed.

"And don't you forget it." She purred using this final embrace to move towards her own goal. Getting Eddie back into her bed, if only for one last night. Pressing her breasts against him, she flashed him a feral grin and slipped her hand in between them, running down the course of his firm stomach wickedly. "Think you could free up two hours for a hungry kitty?"

Eddie winced. "I...well, kitten...oh what the hell. It can wait."

Beaming, she reached up and snatched his mask off, putting it over her own eyes. "Are you sure? I wouldn't want to be a distraction..."

Calmly placing his cane aside, Eddie reached up and removed his bowler, hanging on the peg near the door. "Oh, now you're worried..." Smirking, he flicked his cufflinks out of their little places and set them on the table in front of the envelope.

She took a little, playful step backwards. "Am I supposed to be a little scared right now, Ed?"

Slipping his tie free of it's knot, Eddie continued to eye her with electricity in his eyes. "Scared of me? Hardly." He stated, quirking a brow as he slid his jacket off. It was hung beside his hat.

"Good, because I'm usually not intimidated by elves." She went on, smiling softly.

Pulling off his gloves, he set them by his cufflinks. "Well, that's not very nice..."

Selina lit up at his tone and took another small step backwards.

* * *

><p>Pulling the duvet over them completely, she swam about in the soft fortress, searching for Eddie to settle on top of him. She figured if she lay down on his chest, he wouldn't be able to sneak off and she wouldn't have to worry about waking up to a world without him.<p>

"Ever know an Elf to do that?" He growled as she slid across his torso, draping herself over him almost possessively.

Fingering the scar she gave him, she sighed. "Eddie?"

"Hn?"

"What was that device strapped to your arm?"

"I stole it off the Clock King, he made it for Crane and I figured I could hide out better if I could just go wherever I needed to go without ever risking a chance of being seen. I waited for him to finish it, then I crept into his office and stole it."

"That's how you broke into those pharmacies?"

"I needed refills of my meds and took what I needed to make my own Serolithadril, then stole other random items to confuse the police."

"Clever."

"Well, I am brilliant."

They fell silent again.

"Eddie?"

"Hn?"

"Let's be honest. Can you really fight? I mean, do you think you can physically take on the Joker?" She had noticed that his body was harder, more toned than the last time they had been together, so she knew he was preparing physically, but being fit and being good in a fight were two completely different things.

"I can assure you, kitten. I'm not lying when I say that I'll never lay a hand on the Joker." Kissing the top of her head, Eddie smirked into her hair. "How little faith you put in me, though."

"I just want to know the odds, Ed. In case you do find yourself faced with him."

"Odds are that I know how to fight or I don't." He replied. "I guess we'll know if I ever come up against him."

"You're planning something. Just admit it." She snarled.

"I am planning something." He said. "But it doesn't involve the Joker."

"I'm just worried your arrogance might mask a weakness."

"There's only one weakness I have, kitten. And if she keeps away from the Joker, I won't have to worry."

Moving up his body, she bridged herself over top of him and peered down, nose to nose with him. "I could be a strength, you know."

"You are." He admitted after a moment. "Believe me when I say you are my strength, Lina. I just…I don't want you to get anywhere near Crane when he goes after the Joker. It's going to be a highly explosive scene and I want you miles from it when the fuse is lit."

Inside their little world, she still arched over him like Nut the Ancient Egyptian goddess of the sky, long black hair pooling around his head, secluding them even further from the world outside. She smiled, because their world smelled of Eddie and it comforted her in a way that forced all worry out of her mind for the moment.

"Gee, Eddie, talking like that makes it sound almost like you care."

Both of his elegant eyebrows rose and he looked shocked. "Oh…well, let's see here, I'd better say something nasty then…wouldn't want you to think I care." He mocked deep concentration. "Hmm…throw her off the scent…um, I don't much care for your refusal to knit."

She tried hard not to feed his mockery, but a laugh escaped her and she found she couldn't help herself. "My refusal to knit?"

"Don't start that with me, Miss Kyle. You don't knit and you know it!" He argued playfully.

Getting into the act, she sighed. "Well, what can I say, Ed? Knitting is a fool's game."

"Darn you, Selina Kyle." He growled.

Groaning, she buried her face into his chest and fought not to laugh at his terrible pun.

Eddie's laughter shook her. "My how you missed me!"

"No, I rescind that statement. You're a hopeless geek."

Beneath her Eddie's face shifted from amusement to confusion. He wriggled a little in place, brow furrowing.

She peered back at him curiously.

Twisting his arm up and beneath his the pillow under his head, he withdrew her joy-toy.

He quirked a brow at it, while she flushed deep red.

Flicking it on, Eddie tilted his head like a curious dog and smirked wickedly.

"That…I…" she was flustered. All girls did it and most girls had their little toys, but…well it was weird when someone found it, wasn't it? For some reason, Selina Kyle - a woman unafraid of sexuality- was horribly shocked to have Edward Nygma manhandling her little vibe. Sex with the Riddler was one thing, but having him freely examine her toy was…well it was discomforting. She reached for it, but Eddie was faster than her for once and tugged it away with a laugh.

"Well, this isn't an electric toothbrush…and yet it vibrates." He teased, looking it over. "There must be a place for an attachment…"

Selina fought for the right words, while beneath her the Riddler enjoyed her embarrassment like the cruel bastard he was. Finally she gave up trying and buried her face deep into the bed at his side.

The soft hum of her joy-toy was turned off and she felt her companion squirming around to replace it where he had found it, before strong arms gathered her up almost roughly and pulled her back against him.

"I've never seen you blush before." He snarled in her ear. "It's an intensely arousing sight."

"I liked you better before you were this comfortable with my person." She stated coolly, trying to regain a small shred of her dignity.

* * *

><p><strong>Day Eight<strong>

****Selina****

Outside the early morning air had a bit of a tender bite to it, as the warmth of the growing sun heated the dew and sent up the sweet scent of freshly mowed grass into her apartment from the park just down the way.

Smiling at the sensation of a night well spent, she slid her hand over the sheets towards the side of the bed Eddie usually slept on.

It was devoid of any warmth.

Cracking open an eye, she peered over at the area where the Riddler should have been.

The only things that remained were his mask and the lingering scent of him.

He must have left his mask perched pointedly on the crisp white pillow as a reminder that he wasn't just a figment of her imagination.

Reaching out she took hold of the mask and drew it in close to her, before curling up on her side and going back to sleep.

Later that morning as she stood over her sink sipping on her coffee, she went over the list of things that needed doing. She'd need to figure out just what Eddie was planning and she'd need to figure out just how to help him without getting in his way.

_Are you really going to respect his wishes, kid? _That feral cat she kept locked deep within her asked. _Since when do we do that?_

Sultry eyes flicked to the table where that white envelope rest. She had her reasons. But that didn't mean she couldn't give him some form of back up._ Of course_, the small, evil part of her brain interjected, _you wouldn't have to worry about Eddie if someone killed the Joker first…_

Dumping her coffee into the sink, she set the mug down and hurried to her bedroom to change.

* * *

><p><strong>**Crane**<strong>

Nose to nose with the black cat, Crane scowled.

He was sure this one was new, but where it came from he couldn't safely say. It was just one of many who now inhabited his lair, eating rats and leaving dead birds on his floor.

About to admonish the cat for all the fur that was now clinging to his suit, Crane's words died in the air as Catwoman strolled through the door to his lair as calm as a spring morning, dressed in full Catwoman regalia.

Dropping the cat, he turned on her.

"Well, this is a pleasant change of pace from your usual frumpery." He greeted.

She quirked a dark, well shaped eyebrow at him. "It's a shame your costume can't compete, Jon."

Pocketing his hands, he circled her quietly.

She followed his path.

"What's wrong with you today?" He demanded.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"Same here."

They stared at each other for the longest time, before Selina sighed. "How's the work coming?"

"It's progressing."

"When do you think you'll be ready to move on the Joker?" She asked.

"A week more or less."

"Not good enough."

"Well, it'll have to be." He growled, moving back to his workbench. "If you rush these things you'll always miss one of the more important, finer points."

Smirking, she approached him and leaning over his table, she purred in his ear. "I know you can do better than a week, Jon."

Gazing directly into her eyes, before taking in the amount of flesh her suit revealed, before returning his eyes to hers, Crane blinked. "Thanks for the light show, but you're still going to have to wait a week."

Standing up, she zipped herself back in calmly and nodded. "Then I'll do it myself."

"All the power to you." He growled. "When he kills you, I'll be sure to remember which plot it is they bury you in..."

* * *

><p><strong>**Edward**<strong>

"What we've got here is a failure to communicate."

He got a sick sense of amusement out of appearing out of nowhere, especially when the Master of Fear, jumped a little in mild fright at his friend speaking directly in his ear. He had been lounging around in the shadows of the large room, eavesdropping shamelessly when the little exchange went down.

For three months he had been following Selina here and there, now and then, just to keep an eye on her. It wasn't because he thought she needed someone to watch over her, but that his own obsession with the woman was appeased whenever he was near her.

Jonathan Crane turned on his intruder and Edward leapt back with a smile, holding up his hands.

"Easy now, Professor!" He greeted jovially.

"I thought I hallucinated you last night!" Crane snarled.

Edward tipped his chin down. "Which would explain why you ignored my warning about encouraging Selina's bloodlust and ogling her striking form."

"I make no apologies. She knew exactly what she was showing. Why don't you scold _her _for flashing _me _some flesh?" He growled irritably.

Edward chuckled and wagged his finger at his friend. "Asking Selina Kyle not to be sexual is like asking Killer Croc not to play in the sewers. Asking you to stop peeping at her is much easier."

"Given your obsessive personality," Crane replied, pushing the purple finger out of his face calmly, "I'm not shocked that you're the jealous sort, Edward. I just wish you wouldn't aim your green eyed monster my way."

The Riddler chuckled. "You're a delight!"

"So you're alive and well, what the hell do you want with me?"

Twirling his cane once as though testing the weight of it, Edward made a curious sound. "A partnership?"

Setting down his pencil, Crane turned from his work and eyed his old friend. "Oh? And just what can you offer me? Selina and I have a steady deal made already, so you'd better be bringing something more to the dance than just your cummerbund."

"Fred Astaire." Edward said quickly, it was the tone he used when he was about to sell something big. "The Fred Astaire of all plans!"

Furrowing his brow, Crane pushed to his feet and removed his glasses to clean them. "Ah, another of your ill-fated schemes. No thank you. Between your brain and Selina's brawn, my money is on the kitty who can fight."

Grabbing hold of Crane's thin arm, Edward beamed brilliantly. "Ah, but my plans were always made behind the misty glass of insanity before…not this time."

"Alright, Edward," the Scarecrow said, moving across the room to take a seat in his chair like royalty taking to their throne. "I'm listening."


	5. This Thing Here & Those Whatchamacallits

**_Pinkqueen - I'd give you a medal, but unfortunately you don't win anything for playing...only the antidote...*super villain face*  
><em>**

**_ eatingsupernoodles - o-o I'm not sure how to respond to that. You are a silly person the levels of which only the members of Monty Python have achieved. (That's a compliment in my opinion).  
><em>**

**_Robot521 - Haha, imaginary beard! You're a delight!  
><em>**

**_NURSE J0Y - I just...I just feel like I'm constantly letting you down. V_V  
><em>**

**_Violeta27 - You know what you did...and how it was done. And it wasn't even pre-heated! *intense face*  
><em>**

**_FredGeorgeWazlib - Now _I_ have an image of Killer Croc in water wings and it is an awesome vision! Thank you for that._**

**_Alright, two very important notices! Listen up!_**

_**First and most importantly, for those of you who enjoy a little Eddie/Lina smuttery, there is a wonderful story out there called A GOOD MYSTERY, by the incredibly talented (and I heard almost Nymph-like beauty) Violeta27. You need to read this. I mean, like now. Go and find it. I'll wait.*leans against locker* ...*checks nails*... *scratches*...*Sweden wanders by* Oh, hey...ah...lovely weather, isn't it? Yeah, totally lovely and all...I was just outside, you know working out. Toning the ol' rear, doing some light yoga and shit, you can touch my belly if you want, feel how taut it is...Sweden? Hey? Where're you going? ...I'll get you one of these days, you sweet, sweet country...  
><strong>_

**_Back? Okay! Now, secondly and this is fairly important too. Vi pointed out that I missed a spacing in my last chapter. For this shame, I shall now commit seppuku with a rusty bread knife...here goes...AH IT'S NOT A FUN SERRATED-Y PAIN! FORGET THIS I'LL JUST APOLOGIZE! ...I'm sorry if my errors offend any of you...I need to get to the hospital now..._  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Five: This Thing Here &amp; Those Whatchamacallits<strong>

**Day Nine**

****Edward****

Appearing in her bedroom was always a moment of quiet reflection for him.

Perhaps he was just a little sentimental, but Edward found the small, squeak-like whimpers she made while sleeping comforted him.

He stood in the darkest corner of her room, watching her sleep in the early hours of the morning. But he wasn't really observing her, his mind was on the tactics of the battle that lay before him. Before him, clenched in his hands his cane was still, resting lightly on the floor. His posture was impeccable, he stood straight and neat like a sentinel.

When her squeaks became more urgent whines, he quietly, carefully move out of his shadows towards her bed.

For nearly three months he had perfected the art of watching her sleep, perfected the art of sneaking up on a sleeping Catwoman.

If he hovered his hand just above her forehead long enough, he could slowly set it on her without waking the ever vigilant woman.

At the foot of the bed Miss Kitty didn't even move. She knew that the tall human at her mistresses bedside wasn't a threat. At least not to Selina.

Under his palm, her forehead smoothed, all whimpers died in her throat and she fell back into a peaceful sleep.

"Eddie?" She muttered.

He stilled. Often, when he came to her at night, she would mumble his name in her sleep.

Her chest still rose and fell deeply.

She was only dreaming of him.

Smirking arrogantly, Edward carefully removed his hand and stepped back from her side.

Looking about her room, at the clothes dropped near her bathroom door, at the shoes piled up haphazardly in the bottom of her closet, spilling out ever so, at the vanity with things that he was sure would remain a mystery to men, but be ever useful to a woman, at the cat sleeping on the chair in the corner near the window, or the one draped half on and half off the bench at the end of the bed. He eyed the beautiful (no doubt stolen and no doubt original) art on her wall, the picture of him as a boy that he had given her, which was framed and set on her dresser, at his mask left on her night table.

He loved that he had a presence in her home, even when he wasn't there. The egotist in him loved the fact that he had marked a small part of her territory with reminders of him. It may have been something she enjoyed as well, as he could recall his home before the fire. Where little things of hers had been peppered throughout it. Not just the cluster of kitties she had brought and left, but a perfume bottle and toothbrush near his bathroom sink, a bottle of shampoo that smelled of jasmine in his bathtub and likewise the conditioner that sat beside it, PVC gloves with those deadly diamond tipped claws left on his dresser beside his cufflink bowl, even the package of feminine things she had stashed under his bathroom sink was endearing (if not a little unsettling for the man not used to living with women since the days of living with a mother).

Slowly, he picked up his cane from where it hung on his forearm and set it down against the wall near her bed.

Edward smiled, proud to have left one more sign of his presence and moved back to his shadowy corner to go back to working through his thoughts, to go back to watching over her.

He was sure she wouldn't care if he slid into the bed with her, but for some reason Edward didn't want to interrupt her sleep. He just wanted to observe her at her most vulnerable for the time being. In four hours he would set in motion the tides which would bring about the Joker's ruination, but for now all Edward wanted to do was calm himself with Selina Kyle's breathing.

* * *

><p><strong>**Selina**<strong>

When her radio alarm came on, she found herself blinking back the sun that decided to shine directly in her window like the fiery asshole that it was and all but stumbling out of her bed.

It was perhaps the worst way she had woken in a long while, her head felt thick, like she had slept too long or too deeply and her muscles felt weak.

She lay in an undignified heap on the floor for a moment, allowing herself to get used to the sun and the morning, before she chanced getting to her feet.

Getting over the undignified act of waking up like some old, alcoholic, she managed to move across her room with all the dignity and grace of a Queen, pulling on her silk robe on her way by the vanity, heading for her bathroom.

Her hand was just reaching out to push the door open, when she realized that the door had been all but closed with only a small gap remaining. She never kept her bathroom door closed like that…and the light was always off if she wasn't using the room.

Cautiously she pushed the door open.

Inside a tall, pale, half-naked God of a man stood at her sink, shaving as casually as if it were his own bathroom.

Crossing her arms, she leaned in the doorway, hoping to mask how excited she actually was to see him again by looking calm. "Your hair is getting long again." She mused.

Eddie smirked at himself in the mirror. "I suppose it is." Turning away from his task he eyed her with soft robin's egg blue eyes. "I hope you don't mind, kitten. It's hard shaving with the shard of mirror I have back at the lair."

She shook her head and joined him at the sink. Leaping up, she sat on the countertop at his side and watched him as he went about with his task. There was something she found sexy about a man shaving, but she could never place the exact reason for this fetish of hers.

"Why are you looking at me like I'm a newfound species, my dear?" He inquired.

Selina touched a hand to her bare knee, tracing a scar there. "I don't know…I guess," she took a quick glance at him, ensuring he was too busy shaving to really pay her any attention, "I guess I'm just glad you're alive."

Clear, perceptive eyes turned on her. They had changed from a soft robin's egg to a hard, electric teal in a mere matter of seconds. Eddie smirked, however, and she knew it wasn't his angry look, but his hard, studying look she was being scrutinized with. With a bit of shaving cream on his finger, he touched the tip of her nose, painting it white playfully.

"Don't get sentimental on me, kitten. I might actually begin to think you care." He said, beaming widely at her.

Rubbing the shaving cream off with the back of her hand, she hesitated. Anyone who knew anything about Gotham's underground knew just how dangerous it was to admit that you actually cared for someone or something. But then again, how often did a woman get a man she could stand back from the grave?

She dug her nails into her knee when the urge to put her foot in her mouth arose. _Just shut up, Lina._

"You ever pretend to be dead on me again and I'll kill you myself." She stated firmly, hopping off the counter and moving towards her shower.

"Lina?"

She wrenched the knobs in the bathtub, turning the hot on with a vengeance, trying to hide the sudden well of emotions that had bubbled up in her chest.

A strong, elegant hand settled on her shoulder lightly. "Kitten? I understand."

She knew exactly what he meant, and she knew it wasn't that he understood her threat, but that he understood how she felt, because the fucking Riddler knew her too well.

By the time she composed herself enough to dare a glance at him, he was already back at the sink, wiping the remaining shaving cream off his face with a towel.

Selina turned the cold water on and felt the water's temperature.

"I do care," she whispered under the rush of the water if only to appease herself, but out loud she spat, "you don't know everything."

He chuckled and ambled across the bathroom, taking those graceful, jovial steps of his that oozed arrogance. Half-naked as he was, his movements oozed much more than arrogance - if Selina was honest - the man was full of a shocking amount of sex appeal without ever trying. It was the casual act of stalking her, coupled with the way his taut, toned muscles rippled under pale, smooth flesh. He wasn't as broad or as bronzed as Bruce, and yet Selina found him to be the sexiest thing she had ever seen. Of course she'd never tell him that, his head would never fit through a door again.

"Ah," Eddie purred, approaching her, "but I know much."

She smirked at him. "But not everything, Eddie. In fact, I think you know about as much as Jonathan Crane."

Stopping short, just a mere arm's length from her, he pocketed his hands, lips forming an 'O', eyebrows shooting up towards his hairline. "Well," he began slowly, wickedly, "there is one important thing I know of, which I'm sure Crane will never know."

"Oh?"

Dropping to one knee, he knelt before her as she perched on the edge of the tub. "Of course, the day he finds out about the freckle is the day I no longer have to worry about a rivalry with him ever again."

She pushed him backwards with her foot and stood up. "My water's getting cold."

Laughing from the floor, he propped himself up on his elbows. "Well, I'll take that as an open invitation to join you, shall I?"

* * *

><p><strong>**Crane**<strong>

"What do you want?" He snapped.

Catwoman broke her stride long enough to snort at his greeting. "Nice. With all your upbringing, you'd think you'd have learned some manners."

"What do you want, _madam_." He snarled.

She set a Styrofoam container on the table before him, ignoring the fact he used 'madam' instead of 'miss' just to piss her off. "Just brought you something warm to eat."

He studied the container without even opening it. "Well, don't expect gratitude, Cat."

"You're in a foul mood tonight. Even fouler than usual." She remarked.

Pointing at his chemical layout, he spat. "This last batch is a dud. I can't get the damned chemical balance right without fine tuning the formula." He quirked a brow at her. "I need a test subject."

Catwoman scowled delicately. "You gas me, Crane, and it'll be the last thing you do."

"Child, you'd be furthering the scientific community by aiding me in my tests." He said.

"I don't often use this kind of language, Jon. But fuck no."

"Come on, Lina," he said, pushing to his feet and approaching her slowly, a grenade of fear gas in hand. "As my partner in crime it's your duty to be my test subject."

"I'll hurt you." She growled, pulling out her whip and letting it fall at her side.

Crane chuckled. "You know, when Harley let me test on her, she was never more appreciative of my presence during the trial. We fucked like rabbits when she was high on the fear toxin." Knowing her circle of terror, he stopped just short of it and tilted his head. "Of course if you won't help me, then I guess this ends our short and tenuous partnership. I can't trust someone who won't trust me."

Catwoman eyed him carefully for the longest time in intense silence. "I'll come back when you're in a saner mood."

Chuckling as the woman left his lair, Crane sighed almost happily to himself. He was never more content then when he was making people uncomfortable.

"What a clever way to break off the engagement, Jonathan." The Riddler said from his side where he had suddenly appeared.

Quirking a brow, the Scarecrow angled his head towards his friend. "Hn? Oh right, your thing…" he moved back to his work table.

"You…you weren't really going to gas her. Were you?"

Looking about for his pencil, Crane snarled mildly to himself. "It's was just here…"

"Crane?"

Picking up some papers, he tossed them aside. "Now where the hell…?"

"Crane?"

"Hn?" He looked over and up at his friend. "Oh…no, of course not." He returned to his search, finding his pencil under an old candy wrapper. "Ah-ha!" He held the pencil up high and wiggled it ever so. "Well, now, shall we get down to business."

Pocketing his hands, the Riddler smiled. "Of course."

"You know," Crane mused, easing back into his chair, "I wasn't lying about needing a test subject…"

* * *

><p><strong>Day Ten<strong>

****Edward****

The first thing he noticed was that his mouth was drier than crackers in the Sahara.

Edward coughed, expecting a cloud of dust to puff out from his lungs.

That was when he noticed he was strapped to a table very tightly.

Above him Jonathan Crane's severe features peered down curiously.

"How do you feel, Edward?"

"Well, there's a murderous rage boiling deep down inside me, my throat's dry and I think I'm laying on a fork or something." He growled. "Other than that, I'm just really, really disappointed in you."

Crane smirked, that cold, little, cruel smirk of his and scribbled in his notebook. "Good, good, and your appetite?"

"Could you un-strap me, please?"

"In time. Let's check your blood pressure first."

"Oh, I can assure you, it's through the roof." Edward replied, wriggling his wrists where they had been bound to the table top with a long, itchy strand of hemp rope not unlike the kind Crane used for the noose on his costume. "Why do I continue to trust you?"

"Oh, I don't really know, Edward. But thank you for providing me with a guinea pig. These test results are phenomenal."

Coughing again, the Riddler sighed. "Can I at least get a glass of water or something?"

"Ah, right…" as the Scarecrow hurried off to get water for his lab rat, Edward studied his bindings the best he could. "I'm thinking of calling this batch Scared Silent, because you didn't do anything but sit there with big eyes, trembling in fear at the shadows!" Crane hollered from his kitchen-type corner where he had set up a homemade water purifier.

Hurrying back, the man gazed eerily down at Edward. "Of course, when you did finally move, it was to grab hold of a piece of broken glass to slash your own chest with."

"I was wondering about the chest pains."

Carefully pouring some water into Edward's mouth, his 'friend' smirked proudly. "I'm really happy this batch is successful."

Swallowing his water, the Riddler scowled up at Crane. "I'm glad. Next week when I test out my new cane, I'll give you a call."

"Now, do you remember any of your hallucinations?"

"Sure, I had one, it involved me befriending a stick insect who then went on to crack my skull open and play around in my grey matter."

Scribbling away, Crane nodded. "Ah, good I…" his brow furrowed and he raised his eyes. "That's very cute, Edward. Let's stick to the facts, shall we?"

"Am I wearing a sailor suit?"

"It was the only thing I could find that wasn't covered in blood."

"You're an incredible ass. Now set me loose."

Crane hesitated.

"Look, I want to get up and about, this fork in my kidney is murder." Edward said.

Carefully the Scarecrow undid his restraints, long, nimble fingers tugging the rope loose.

Sitting up carefully, the Riddler winced. "Goddamn, I feel like an elephant sat on my head." Looking down at the damage to his chest, he quirked a brow. "Did you stitch me, Doc?"

"I did."

"Oh, that was nice, thanks."

"Shall we return to the test?"

"Ah, yes. Let's."

Scribbling in his notebook, Crane nodded. "Okay, can you be specific on the symptoms you're experiencing?"

Edward frowned. "Well…I think…yeah, my hand is seizing up."

Pale blue eyes studied the ball that Edward's hand had formed quickly, before returning to his notebook. Crane took a small, cautious step backwards. "Very good, anything else?'

A fist flew at the Scarecrow's mouth, clocking him dead-on and knocking him onto his ass.

"Arm spasms." Edward replied calmly, standing over the form of his friend. Stepping over his body, he moved across the lair towards the pile of his bloody clothes.

Rubbing his mouth, Crane scrambled to his feet. "You took that harder than Selina did when I asked her about her past." He observed. "Emotions really are the downfall of the human race…"

Spinning on his friend with a quirked brow, Edward scowled. "You asked Selina about her past?"

"Well, I postulated that her personality is the result of some trauma she suffered as a young woman, of course she reacted much better when I…" Crane's sentence faded out as he finally took notice of the hard look Edward was giving him.

"Selina's past is not something you can use in your mind games, Jon."

"Has it ever occurred to you, that Selina could use a trained professional to talk to."

"Ah, and suddenly you care about Selina's state of mental health."

"Certainly not." Crane growled. "But you could take a little more interest in her world, _Eddie_."

Unable to comprehend the Scarecrow giving him relationship advice, the Riddler chuckled. "This coming from a man who hates everything and everyone."

"This coming from a man who made his bread and butter in psychology, Edward!" Stoic features shifted, morphed into something almost human as Crane approached his friend. "A woman like her would never openly give anything without a little support and a little prodding. She might beat the hell out of you for some questions you ask her, but deep down she wants more than anything for you to know these things she keeps hidden."

"I do know these things, Jonathan." Edward said. "It's why I said her past is off limits. Now, if you'll pardon my abrupt departure, I'd like to get the hell out of here before you sneak a gas attack on me again."

"You always fall for the 'look a bat' trick." Crane mused. "It's almost unsporting at this point."

* * *

><p><strong>**Selina**<strong>

Someone was in her bathroom crooning away when she returned home from her morning jog.

Curious, she followed the sound and found a very down trodden looking Riddler inside her bathtub fully dressed, long legs akimbo, hands to his bloody chest.

"Gilbert and Sullivan?" She greeted.

He stopped crooning. "Nope, just Edward."

"Cute. What happened there and why are you singing in my bathtub?"

Glancing down at his chest, he pulled a face. "I got into a fight with myself. And your bathroom has the best acoustics in the whole damned place."

Reaching out, she pulled the remnants of his shirt up and off the bloody wounds, wincing at the sight of them. "Ah, Jesus. Why aren't you in the bed or someplace comfier?"

"I didn't want to bleed out on your sheets." He replied.

"I doubt you'll bleed out, Ed. From the looks of it, someone's already stitched them up."

"Haphazardly." He growled, leaning forward, preparing to rise. "Probably with a rusty needle..."

She stopped him with a gentle hand. "Wait…how about taking a request first?"

He eyed her suspiciously. "What do I get if I can honour the request?"

Selina smirked. "My respect."

"Don't I have it already?"

Holding up her hand, palm down, she tilted it back and forth.

"Let's hear it."

Leaning in close, she smiled softly and led him with. "I am the very model of a modern Major-General…"

"Oh, you think I can't sing that one? Tricky minx…"

Laughing, she rest her elbow on the edge of the tub and cupped her chin in her palm.

Inhaling deeply, Eddie eyed her with narrowed eyes. "I am the very model of a modern Major-General," he began slowly.

"You're not keeping the beat." She warned.

"I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical," he picked up a little speed. "From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical; I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse." Finishing, he leaned against the side of the tub she was on and smirked. "That's all you get."

She beamed at him. "That's all I wanted." Leaning in she kissed his temple and grabbed hold of his hand. "Come on, I'll clean your wounds."

Leading him into the bedroom, she helped him ease back onto the bed and hopped off, back into the bathroom for the cream. When she returned, she eased onto the bed beside him and helped him peel his bloody shirt off.

He growled as the dried blood tore away from his stitched wounds.

"Who stitched you up?" She asked.

"I did it myself." He said.

Squeezing a small amount of the white, stinky stuff onto her fingertip, she smirked. "You're lying."

"It's not another woman, if that's what you're thinking."

She smiled softly, carefully daubing at his wound with the cream. "I know. You can barely handle one, I doubt you'd try for two." She teased.

Eddie chuckled, tucking his hand behind his head. "You're looking beautiful today, kitten."

She laughed at him. "I'm a mess, Ed. I'm all sweaty from my jog and I'm still in my jogging clothes."

"You're beautiful, my queen."

They fell into a comfortable silence, Selina working on his wounds, Eddie enjoying the peace of the morning.

"Eddie?" She asked.

He quirked a brow, but remained still. "Hn?"

"Just how did you escape the Joker's fire?"

"Ah, the sixty-four thousand dollar question…" he chuckled. "It wasn't anything miraculous if that's what you're thinking. I didn't pull a Houdini, I just toed the cord, grabbed my kittens and my security box and got the hell out of Dodge."

"You saved the kittens?' She asked, capping the tube of ointment.

"I saved the children." He confirmed proudly.

"But they found remains that went unidentified by anyone, they assumed the remains were yours." She argued.

He shrugged. "That poor bastard. But, hey, it worked out better for me."

Capping the ointment, she pushed back to her feet, but Eddie clamped his hand around her wrist and pulled her back onto the bed with him.

"What do you want out of life, Lina?" He asked.

"Two billion dollars and a yacht." She replied.

"How about something I can actually give you?"

"Let me go for my shower."

"Okay, but I was thinking something a bit more than that."

She smirked at him. "When I know, you'll know."

He released her.

"I'm going for a shower now, Ed."

"But I may pass out," he replied. "I think you'd better stay just in case."

Leaning down she kissed the tip of his nose. "I won't be long."

"I'll just amuse myself with trying to find the new hiding place you found for your vibrating toy while I wait, shall I?" He teased.

* * *

><p><strong>Day Eleven<strong>

****Pam****

The house was quiet when she stepped inside in search of Victor's soother with her son at her hip.

If she knew Fries, he'd be in the study he made for himself, reading or working on the research for his wife's illness.

Whereas most homes the living room was the centre of activity, in Doctor Fries' it was his study. Nearly everything he did, he did there.

Ivy liked to give him his privacy, so she had only been into his home a handful of times. It seemed like a gross invasion of privacy to her, but he never seemed to mind. And if it wasn't for her son bawling his little eyes out for the soother, she wouldn't have made the journey.

Climbing the stairs, she could see a light on in his study and smiled a little. It was some comfort to know he was just there should she need him.

Approaching the room, she heard Fries speaking and slowed.

Did he have a guest?

Carefully, she drew closer to the half opened door.

"I think you're crazy." Fries' deep, calming tone broke over the conversation.

A familiar voice replied swiftly. "Madness is only a state of mind, my friend."

Ivy frowned and pushed open the door in a mild rage, interrupting the conversation. She knew that used car salesman patter anywhere, and it only came from one silver tongued devil in Gotham.

"Doesn't anyone stay dead anymore?" She growled irritably.

Edward Nygma looked over the brim of a fine, bone china tea cup at her with bright, gleaming blue eyes, before replacing the cup on the saucer held in his left hand.

"Well, hello to you too, Pam." The Riddler greeted.

"Pamela, is everything okay?" Victor asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm just looking for Victor's soother. What the hell is he doing here?"

In his chair, the Riddler sipped at his tea, eyeing the boy at her hip.

"Edward was just explaining to me how he escaped the Joker's fire and then he started babbling madness."

"We're all mad here," Edward stated with a smug grin, teacup in hand.

Glowering at the man, Ivy spat. "Somewhere I'm sure Jervis just had a braingasm, Eddie, but just keep your goddamned mouth shut for the moment."

"Your live-in maid is very rude, Doctor," Edward said to Fries.

"Why must you antagonize her, Edward?" Fries asked, searching his desk for his son's soother.

"Because it's hard to antagonize you." He replied.

"What do you want, Ed?" Ivy snarled.

"Do you have two billion dollars and a yacht?" Smirking into his tea, the Riddler took another calm sip. "No? Too bad, I was asking for a friend."

At her hip Victor made a garbled exclamation, a tiny hand swiping out towards the Riddler, who actually flinched a little.

"Couldn't have said it better myself, Princeling," Fries said to his boy, handing the soother over to his mom.

"So what kind of convoluted scheme have you concocted this time, Eddie?" Pam asked. "And how can I get you off this property fast enough?"

Laughing blithely, Edward set his cup and saucer on the desk before him and turned to face her. "I'm glad you ask me about my plans, Pam. Please, take a seat."

Glancing over at Fries who seemed just as cautiously curious as her, she carefully perched on a chair at Edward's side, her son squirming towards the Riddler like a little puppy, eager to meet and greet new people.

"Have your say then get the hell off my property." She said, struggling to keep her son from slipping out of her arms.


	6. Minotaurs & Bipedal Bulls

**_The Sacred and Profane - I think I broke some rules, though. Like the beautiful, intelligent girl always winds up with the good guy. And villains never catch a break. Truthfully I can't stand Batman, the only reason I read Batman comics are for the villains...actually that's the only reason I read any comic book. O_o_**

**_Robot521 - Yeah, Lina is super lucky. Eddie is just too adorkable at times._**

**_TanithSeh1011 - Oh holy hell, if you wrote a Riddler/Catwoman fic I would probably mess myself with excitement! The pairing needs a lot more love._**

**_Violeta27 - Well, Eddie got a little too comfortable with Crane, because they are friends, but yeah getting gassed will definitely cause him to be a little less trusting of his 'friend'._**

**_NURSE J0Y - Thanks for the tip...I think I'll give it a try. See what I can catch in my trap._**

**_Alright, this chapter is short and late, but give me a break. It doesn't need anymore than it has. It's packed full of goodness!_**

**_*puts out vodka and herring*_**

**_*waits*_**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Six: Minotaur's &amp; Bipedal Bulls<strong>

**Day Twelve**

****Selina****

Her whip and gloves were tossed down onto the kitchen table, beside her cup of coffee, drawing her attention from the newspaper's society page.

Looking up, she found Edward standing there, smiling brightly.

"Good boy, now fetch me my slippers." She purred.

He chuckled and leaned over the table. "When was the last time you stole something, kitten?"

"Why do you ask?"

Resting his elbow on the tabletop, he struck an innocent pose, chin in the palm of his hand. "Oh…I just thought you might want to do me a small, tiny, atomic sized favour."

"I don't give the milk away for free, Ed." She shot back.

"I had a feeling you were going to say that. What can I do, to see you in black vinyl tonight?" He asked.

Folding the newspaper, she set it aside. "Hn, let me think…what's the job?"

"I need you to steal the suit off of the wax figure of Batman at the Gotham Wax Works."

Selina laughed. "What?"

"I need the suit. Can you get it for me?"

"A wax museum heist, hm? Should be easy, but what are you going to do for me."

"Whatever you want, kitten." He replied, hands falling to adjust his cufflinks.

"I could be a cold-hearted bitch and demanded something ridiculous," she said, "but the only thing I need at the moment is a sparring partner."

"Me?"

"If not you, then who?"

Eddie beamed. "Kitten," he cooed, "are you still trying to figure out whether I can fight or not?"

"You couldn't have survived this long without knowing some tricks or something…" she muttered, touching a hand to her cheek.

"Pocket sand." He replied swiftly. "A little dash in the eyes gets them every time."

Pushing to her feet, Selina set a hand on his chest. "Cute, dress appropriately and meet me in the abandoned kettle warehouse at seven tonight. Then we'll see about getting you your Batsuit."

"Fine. I'll play punching bag for a few hours, but just know when you're done stealing the suit, I'm blowing the museum to kingdom come."

"Why?"

"Because if there's one thing I've learned from Vincent Price it's that wax museums are unholy breeding grounds for wax fetishists and should be purged of this earth."

Crossing her arms, she leaned her hip against her kitchen counter. "Are you sending me into the museum because you're scared of the dummies?"

"Let's not be silly." He replied, adjusting his tie. "I'm not scared of the _dummies_, I'm wary of the man who makes the dummies. There's a considerable difference."

"Well, I think you're safe. Not much call for a wax dummy of an elf these days."

He sighed. "That's never going to be funny."

"I'm laughing." She pointed out.

"Looking around I can't help but notice that you're the only one, my dear."

"That's all that matters, Ed."

* * *

><p><strong>**Edward**<strong>

It was a shabby, older neighbourhood that he popped up in.

A sort of throwback to the seventies, lined with elms and old, crumbling curbs that had patches of thick green grass growing in between cracks and spreading back towards quaint white picket fences and moderately sized front yards to homes that were retro throwbacks, half in brick and half in siding.

He felt like he was thrown back into his old neighbourhood. Back when Gotham's suburbs looked more like the neighbourhood he was standing in then the cookie cutter perfection of Little Gotham.

Passing by two shiny, well tended motorcycles, he hopped onto the front stoop and adjusted his cufflinks, before pressing the doorbell.

Waiting to be let in, he studied the yard. The grass was a little shabby, but trimmed, the juniper bush in the front corner protected a fat, furry tortoiseshell cat from the slightly overcast skies above.

It peered out at him with yellow eyes curiously, struggling to figure out the man who invaded it's territory.

Edward smiled at it.

Finally the door opened and a brown eye peered out at him, before the door was cast open.

"Holy good goddamned!" Nina exclaimed. "Diedre get out here and see who's standing at our door!"

From out of the house a blonde came flying, attaching herself to Edward with all the fury of a child seeing Santa.

She squealed and kicked her legs, dangling around his neck like a garish tie.

Politely holding on to her, Edward smiled at his former henchwomen. "Hello, girls."

Pulling him into the house with an amazing amount of strength, Diedre Vance pushed him over and onto a floral print couch that fit right in with the blast-from-the-past feel of Hareton Street.

"We knew you weren't dead! Everyone said you were, but you can't keep a genius down!" She exclaimed, settling herself against him like a little girl who missed a beloved father, arms hung loosely around him.

"True genius is immortal, my girl." He replied calmly.

Across from him Nina perched on the coffee table, brown eyes wide. "It's good to see you, boss."

"My dear girls, I have missed you." He lifted the arm on his free side, inviting his other beloved henchwoman to his side.

She moved into place with a little less force than the blonde, smiling at their boss.

"We heard you were knee deep in pussy before you died." Diedre gushed in her none-too-subtle tone.

Nina reached over and slapped her companion. "Shut up."

Edward beamed at his girls, first one and then the other. "I appreciate your brilliant play on words, my dear, but perhaps it's best to leave the crass double entendres to the lower intellect crowds haunting Gotham's skateboard parks."

"But you were, weren't you?" Nina demanded. "Caught up with that thieving cat burglar."

"I was." He stated.

"What's she got that we ain't got?" Diedre demanded.

Looking from one to the other, Edward smirked. "Tact, my dears."

Nina smiled wickedly. "That and bigger tits, right?"

Catching her chin, Edward gave her a scolding look. "Be nice."

"Yeah, Nina, no need for claws." Diedre teased.

Turning, he caught the blonde's chin as well. "Don't instigate." He warned.

Beside him, his two henchwomen beamed as their boss released their chins.

"So…do you still have it?" He asked, getting down to business.

"Maybe," Diedre said.

"And maybe we tossed it into the bay." Nina added.

"If it was in a jealous rage, I wouldn't blame you." He replied. "I am fantastic."

They beamed at him impishly.

"We have it." Nina admitted.

"It's in the basement." Diedre added.

Edward grinned. "Marvellous! I knew you two wouldn't let me down."

* * *

><p>Packing the last of it into the duffle bag the girls had provided, Edward looked about the modest basement.<p>

It was barren except for a few boxes, some of his old Riddler weapons and such, on the far wall hung one of his old, leotard costumes, and a few other things that belonged only to the girls.

He moved towards the costume to reminisce.

"I can't believe how terrible that was to wear," he mused.

Beside him the girls giggled.

"We liked it just fine on you, boss." Nina said.

"Because you could see everything." Diedre added.

Chuckling, he reached out and touched the sleeve of the green Lycra suit. "Ah to be young enough not to worry about dangly bits."

"You still look good to us."

Eyeing his girls, he found a soft fondness in their gazes, something that actually touched him a little. "Thanks, my girls. Mind if I take this?"

"It's yours, boss."

Reaching up, he pulled the costume down from where it hung and, folding it, transparent dry cleaning bag and all, stuffed it into the duffle bag.

Turning about one last time, he surveyed his past laid out in a makeshift shrine in the basement of a home on Hareton and sighed.

Diedre rushed at him, arms weaving around his waist tightly. "We missed you, boss!"

Behind her Nina also approached. "Are you back for good this time?"

"Forever and a day, my girls."

* * *

><p>"I brought you some company, Crane."<p>

In his wing back chair, Jonathan Crane looked up from his book, glasses perched on the tip of his nose.

"Oh holy hell, Edward!" He snarled, eyeing the two women who had come in with his friend and were now nosing around his lair, the blonde slurping on a slush treat. "Why don't you just bring the entire neighbourhood here?"

"You're on a boat in the middle of the bay, Jon, the nearest neighbours you have in this 'hood, include the bum we passed on the way here who was pissing against the shipping manifest offices and a hooker and her john doing something very naughty under the docks. But, I could certainly direct them this way, if you want." He pocketed his hands, allowing his cane to dangle from his forearm. "My girls are trustworthy, Crane. And they're damned good shots."

"Don't make us go home yet, Scarecrow." Diedre pleaded, big blue eyes shining up at the tall man. "We hate living in the seventies."

"We can be very accommodating." Nina added.

Furrowing his brow, Crane eyed the two women. "I'm not sure I fully understand the comment about 'the seventies', but…just stay away from my work table."

They both saluted him languidly and continued to poke about.

Chuckling, Edward approached his friend closer to keep the conversation between them. "You know, with just a few words, they can be _very _accommodating, Jon. So, make sure you steer clear of the right words…or don't, whatever you want. I won't judge."

Pale blue eyes focused on the two women over Edward's head.

"Oh, ah…just a warning, if you do find the right combination of words…they usually like to be together during."

Those unholy eyes met Edward's.

The two men stared at each other for a long, slightly uncomfortable moment.

"Welp,' Edward broke the moment, checking his pocket watch, "I must be off. I have a seven o'clock beat down scheduled." He moved across the room, heading for the door. "Girls, behave yourselves, I'll be back for you. If the Scarecrow needs anything, you help him with it, okay?"

"Roger! Will-co, boss!"

"Good luck!"

* * *

><p>The abandoned kettle factory was a nasty little thing, gutted of all the heavy duty equipment it once housed for machining the shapes of a variety of tea kettles and various pots and pans.<p>

Inside it was a brick and rust theme, just screaming tetanus and death.

Around the empty floor of the factory a shady-looking catwalk ran, criss-crossing here and there heading for floating offices high overhead.

Treading in a place where even angels would hesitate, Edward wandered towards the back of the factory where the loading bays were.

He had no idea where his cat would be, but he knew that if she was there, she'd find him.

Setting down his duffle bag, he checked his pocket watch once more. It was eight after.

"You're late!"

Glancing upwards, towards the source of the sound, he found Lina dropping a rope down through a skylight.

"Come on up."

Eyeing the slightly swaying rope that landed before him, he frowned ever so. "Hello, rope." Edward muttered. "My one, true enemy…" Looking up, he shouted at Catwoman, "I don't suppose you have a ladder or anything up there, hm?"

Resting her forearms on the ledge of the window, she leaned down casually. "What's wrong, Ed? Can't climb a rope?"

He touched the side of his nose.

"Really?" She demanded. "How did you survive this long in Gotham?"

"We discussed the pocket sand, right?"

Grabbing hold of the rope, Selina slid down it with ease, landing beside him.

"You need good strong thighs," she said.

"I'll bet I do." He purred, grinning down devilishly at her.

"For climbing."

"That too." He returned his attention to the rope. "Unfortunately I just wasn't built for scrambling up a piece of…what is that? Nylon? No one makes hemp rope anymore…where does Crane get his then?"

"Grab the rope, Ed." She commanded.

He took hold of it. "You know…heights make me a little nervous…"

"Nothing will happen to you." She assured. "I promise."

Edward quirked a brow, but said nothing.

"It's just like climbing a ladder, one hand goes over the other to pull you up. The strong thighs are just to keep you secure." She instructed.

"Sure the physics are there, but," he glanced up the length of the rope, "I'm afraid there are variables against me."

"Try for me?" She asked.

"No laughing." He warned.

"No promises."

With a scowl, he hopped up, grabbing the rope and dangling from it awkwardly. Legs struggling to grip it with his thighs, gloved hands sliding down the nylon. Slowly, sadly, he slipped back down to earth.

Determined not to be an embarrassment, he tried again with the same result.

Glancing over at Selina, he found her silent staring disheartening and set a hand against the back of his neck and rubbed. "I always just used a rope ladder…"

Smiling softly, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Okay, we'll give the rope a miss for tonight. There's a ladder onto the roof out back, get dressed for the occasion and I'll meet you up there."

* * *

><p><strong>**Selina**<strong>

She was expecting sweats and an old t-shirt.

Of course when one took into account the fact that it was Edward Nygma you were about to spar with, one never pictured him in anything other than a suit.

So when he climbed up the ladder onto the roof wearing a hakama and kote gloves, she was mildly intrigued. Her interest was doubled when he solemnly set down a set of wooden staffs beside the duffle bag. She hadn't noticed those before, but then again she wasn't expecting him to bring toys.

"What is this?" She asked. "Are you making fun of me?"

He eyed her quietly. "No. This is my workout gear."

Despite her resolve not to laugh at him, she did just that. "For what? Don't tell me you studied martial arts?"

Edward tilted his head down, flashing her a coy smile. "Kendo, actually."

She laughed harder. "You studied kendo, but you can't climb a rope?"

"They're two completely different things, my dear. Shall we?" He motioned to the bag. "I brought extra equipment if you need protection."

"We're not fighting with sticks, Ed." She replied. "I was hoping for a street fight."

"Shinai, actually and you didn't set any rules for this sparring match. You can street fight all you want, I'm not letting you kick my ass so easily." He pulled a cotton towel on over his hair, wrapping it around his head, before settling the mask over his features. "Unless you're suddenly afraid of my abilities?"

"Fine." She said. "I enjoy a mixed fight as much as the next girl. But that silly get-up of yours is going to be a detriment to your mobility."

Pushing the mask back off his face, Edward laughed at her. "We'll see soon enough, won't we, kitten?" Leaning down, he picked up a shinai and hefted it's weight, before setting it down in favour of another.

Selina pursed her lips. "Ready?"

Eddie struck a pose. "Ready."

Getting into attack mode, she hunched over ever so, reducing her mass and any points Eddie might see in her defence.

Likewise, he tensed, eyeing her through the silly mask of his.

Seeing an opportunity to attack his right side, she moved, striking out with her wrapped fist. Eddie's shinai came out of nowhere and whacked her good across the forearm.

She moved out of his range, glaring at him.

Even through the mesh of his mask, she could see his eyes twinkling.

Oh, it was going to get bloody.

* * *

><p>"Are we done yet?" Eddie asked proudly, backing away carefully from the Selina's approach on light, graceful feet, his shinai held out before him. "Do you concede defeat?"<p>

She was battered but hardly ready to call it quits, sweat ran down her neck and tickled her spine, but she was far from done. "Shut up and fight me, Ed!"

As she continued her approach, Eddie pattered left, then right quickly, before meeting Selina's arm. It was a mere warning tap, but it still stung a little.

"Want that weapon now, my dear?" He asked.

Stubbornly she ignored him, circling the Riddler like a predator, eyes on fire.

The two struggled back and forth, shinai and arms meeting, clashing like two magnetic forces, sparking power and strength through sheer force. Selina using grand, powerful swipes and Eddie countering with delicate movements. His was mostly a defensive stance, her's offensive as they battled.

"Give up?" He asked.

"Like hell!"

Using her boot, Selina kicked Eddie back with more force than she intended and Eddie hit the brick of a chimney stack, his feet skidding over the pebbles of the rooftop.

He laughed. "Fine, let's end this before I wear you out, kitten! Jogo do pau!" The Riddler exclaimed, trying once more, leaping into the fray with Selina like a dancer, this time more offence than defence.

She staggered back from his attack in shock. His fighting style had changed so rapidly that she was impressed, but she was also forced to memorize these new movements he had undertaken in a span of mere seconds.

He managed to get a few hits in, glancing blows off of her with a ferocity Selina had never seen coming from the Riddler and as she recovered from the shock, she struck back, grabbing hold of his shinai and snapping it in two forcefully, before kneeing him hard in the thigh.

As she got more and more enraged, her blows become stronger and more directly placed and soon a well place blow sent Eddie to the ground, that silly mask of his flying across the rooftop.

The Riddler backed off, eyeing both halves of his weapon with a small scowl, before beaming widely and raising both in tightly clenched fists. "Kali! Why not?"

They clashed once more, Eddie wielding two weapons now instead of one, using one half for defence and the other for offence.

Lina, deciding to end the match, backed away to take a running go at him. She raced full force at him, before leaping and spinning, avoiding his broken shinai to collide against him roughly.

Wrapping her legs around his waist, she pulled him to the ground with her and grabbing of both his wrists, pinned them above his head, using all her strength.

Eddie beamed up at her. "Let's just say you win, my dear. I'm getting tired."

She smirked proudly. "Let's not _say _I won, Ed. Because it doesn't need saying. I did win."

Quirking a brow, Eddie calmly raised himself up ever so. "I really could have countered your last move. I just want to save my remaining strength for the victory party."

She released his arms to lean against his chest. "What makes you think there'll be a victory party?"

"Two people can't fight this much without it ending in sex or death. And since we didn't end up killing each other…"

She chuckled.

"Sorry I clipped you," he said, brushing a finger near the wound to her head, half hidden by her hair.

"All's fair in love and war, Eddie." She purred. "But how the hell do you know how to fight like that?"

"A man can't go into battle with only a gun and a cane and not know how to use the cane." He replied smugly.

"But when did you find the time to learn?"

"When did you find the time to learn your moves?"

"Point taken."

"Would you grab my duffle, dear? I can find us a bed in two seconds flat." He replied calmly.

"Oh? We need a bed?"

"I'm not feeling the pebbles, if you know what I mean." He said.

Smirking, she pushed to her feet to get his duffle. Her hand had settled on the handle of it as a pair of strong arms wrapped around her tightly.

With a small popping in her ears, she found herself suddenly standing in her bedroom.

"I'm not impressed," she growled. "And I need a shower."

Behind her Eddie laughed, shedding his gear. "I love when we share things…"

* * *

><p><strong>**Edward**<strong>

A furry bluish-grey cat had wedged itself in between them and was rumbling away happily.

Stroking it, Edward smiled as the thing nudged itself deeper in the warmth between him and Selina's sleeping form.

He couldn't sleep. Not after a fight like theirs. Even the after party wasn't enough to drop him.

So while Lina slept, he remained wide awake, petting the cat who had invaded their bed seeking warmth.

He often wondered about the strays Selina kept. What sort of life they had? Where they had come from? How many brothers or sisters of theirs found good homes? What sort of poor luck had befallen the little beasts?

It was sad to him. The state of Selina's strays was sad to him.

He always had a soft spot for cats.

Unlike dogs, they were harder to gain loyalty, but if one took the time to carefully show love and kindness, a cat could be a much worthier companion. They weren't as demanding as dogs, they quietly existed in the wings and while their love wasn't a strong, open force, theirs was a love that was lasting.

It was no wonder Selina stole things, half of her money went into the care of the strays. She had heaping bowls of food in cat dishes all throughout her place, every soft surface had a napping cat and yet she never once complained about them. She never found them to be a nuisance.

Was he a stray?

Could he have been just another poor creature she found in an alley and brought home?

It didn't matter, he supposed. He still found himself wildly devoted to the woman.

How could he not be? She was perfection, body and mind.

He was a fortunate man. To - not only be brilliant - but to have a little corner in the world where he could feel like he belonged. To have a woman who made him feel worth something, who made him smile for no reason other than she was there.

He was lucky to be where he was. And Edward Nygma was not normally a lucky man.

The urge sprung up in him, pushing back all his neurosis and fear and he knew that she should at least know. She deserved to know. In the most basic and timeless way, Selina Kyle needed to know just how he felt about her, about the situation they were in.

Mindful of the cat between them, he leaned towards her, brushing long, dark hair off her face.

"Selina?" He whispered.

"Hm?"

"Kitten, wake up."

Edward watched her long lashes flutter against her pale skin as she woke up.

"What's wrong?"

Edward's hand shook as it tucked her hair behind her ear. "Nothing."

"Then don't wake me." She growled.

"I love you." He whispered.

The room was still.

Somewhere in Gotham a police siren whined.

The cat's purring between them seemed loud, like heavy machines at a dig site.

He watched what little he could make out of her face in the darkness, searching for some form of response.

A tiny, almost content smile tugged at the corner of her mouth and suddenly Edward understood why J.M. Barrie referred to it as a hidden kiss, it was intangible love written on their face. Something so broad and grand, summed up with only the faintest twitches of a muscle. It was the secret world of a woman's heart plastered on an inch by inch section of a woman's face.

Selina wouldn't say anything. He knew she wouldn't. But he didn't need her to say it, because it was there in the corner of her mouth.

She loved him too.

Leaning down, he kissed her softly, near her mouth, before slipping back to his original spot, distanced from her by a loud, warm cat.

And he wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

><p><strong>**Crane**<strong>

"And that's essentially why people stopped taking Memento Mori photographs en masse."

Before Jonathan Crane the two women sat in rapt attention, eyes wide.

"Have you ever seen a memento mori?" The brunette asked.

"I have."

"Are the dead guys all gross and stuff?" The blonde demanded.

"No, a lot of them were posed as though living. In fact a really good memento mori photograph is hard to find, because half the time you're not even aware that the subject is deceased. It's little things that will give one away, such as an awkward tilt of the head or limbs, or a vacant stare in the eyes."

"That's pretty cool." The blonde said.

"It's very telling of how we as a human beings used to view mortality in Victorian through to Edwardian times and even a little into the mid twentieth century depending on your location. It didn't die out in the south until at least the nineteen fifties." Crane went on. "The tradition of memento mori is a long and very interesting one."

"Were there ever any taken where the stiff is obviously dead?"

Crane smirked. "It's interesting you ask that, my dear…"


	7. Castaways & Medical Oddities

**_Violeta27 - Yeah, never really realized how saucy that last chapter was. _O-O**

**_Robot521 - I agree. In the comics he is sometimes shown as being a martial arts master, but I could never see him kicking ass with his bare hands, so I always liked to envision him as being proficient at something like kendo, because of the cane. Also, goddamn is a rope hard to climb without the right muscles and training...seriously. Don't tell me it's just because I'm soft and lazy..._**

**_FredGeorgeWazlib - Thanks. It was always my favourite part of Peter Pan too._**

**_eatingsupernoodles - I know! Secret bad ass Eddie is kind of a lovely thing to envision._**

**_TanithSeh1011 - Cane fighting is the best! If you ever have some spare time, you should check out some of those fighting styles Eddie used on youtube. They're some bad ass looking fighting styles._**

**_*checks trap*_**

**_*finds it empty*  
><em>**

**_I can wait forever, Sweden...I have the patience of a monk. (And the ass of a twenty-year-old. Go ahead, bounce that dime off it! I dare you!)  
><em>**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seven: Castaways &amp; Medical Oddities<br>**

**Day Thirteen**

****Selina****

They stood in the middle of the Gotham Wax Works foyer, eyeing the people coming and going.

"How can people be so easily entertained?" Eddie demanded, adjusting the glasses he wore over a fake nose.

Lina, dressed as an older woman to match his old man disguise, smiled. "Because it's getting out of the house, sweetie."

She knew Eddie liked to get into the roles he played, but she didn't know he'd take it this far. Still, a small part inside her liked the idea of being someone else. Hobbling along like an old woman actually proved to be fun.

They stepped up to the woman at the till.

Eddie beamed at her. "Two seniors, please."

The young woman smiled back brightly. "Certainly, six dollars for the both of you."

Pulling out some money, he paid with a quite convincing trembling hand.

"Thank you." The girl chirped. "Have fun!"

Hiking up her camera, Selina took a picture of the girl, but more importantly the security panel just to the left, behind the young woman.

She smiled. "Thank you, we will."

As they walked away, Eddie chuckled. "We saved four whole dollars. Can I take you for the early bird special later?"

Selina hummed softly. "Sounds lovely."

As they toddled into their first stop, Politicians and Dissenters, Eddie chuckled and offered her his arm. "Wouldn't want you to slip and fall, my dear." He warbled.

Stopping before Jean-Paul Marat sitting in his bath, Selina leaned in.

"Don't you think it's a little morbid to have him immortalized mere seconds before his death? I think he'd probably want to be remembered for something other than dying in his bath." She whispered. "I mean, I would imagine the wax figure they have of Catherine the Great isn't on the toilet."

"Or maybe Marat would get a kick out of people viewing his naughty bits through resin water. He could have been into that, you know."

Curious, she craned her neck in an attempt to see said bits.

Beside her Eddie chuckled. "You can't see them, my dear. That was a bit of a joke."

"Is it wrong that I'm a little disappointed?" She asked as the moved on.

They both hobbled and shook their way down the lane of politicians, eyeing the statues, keeping tabs on the security cameras and alarm sensors. No one around suspecting the elderly couple of mischief and mayhem.

Turning down a path that wove through the dioramas and wax figures, Selina beamed and pointed ahead.

"Looks like someone posthumously made the Gallery of Gotham Villains." She teased.

Puffing out his chest, Eddie eyed his waxen clone.

"Looks nothing like me." He snarled. "How dare they create an inaccurate effigy of my likeness and they used the leotard costume, I'm so embarrassed! He looks more like-"

"Gary Cooper." She purred.

"I'm going to enjoy blowing dump sky high." He growled, turning on her. His face fell from annoyance into mild amusement as he looked beyond her to the other side of the path. "Well, if I'm Gary Cooper then you're Betty Page," he teased, motioning with his cane for her to turn around.

Turning she found herself, crouched low, all breasts and hips.

Selina frowned. "The bastards."

Chuckling, Eddie eyed the Catwoman before them. "I think they took a few liberties."

"That waist isn't even humanly possible." She snarled. "She's like an alien. And I resent being in the villain section. I may be a bit of an anarchist, but I'm hardly a villain."

"Well, I don't think they have an 'On-The-Fence-Good-Some-Days-Bad-The-Other's' wing, kitten."

A family sauntered near, eyeing the wax figures quietly and Eddie and Selina slipped into their doddering old couple routine, quietly eyeing themselves with wagging heads, half an act of age and half in disbelief.

As they left the villains behind, Selina slipped her arm into the crook of his. "I can't believe they turned me into a sex kitten..."

"Well, actually-"

"Don't finish that."

Wandering through the Philosopher's and Scientist's Wing, they were silent, business-like.

"Eddie?" She asked as they left the wing behind for Heroes and Royals section.

"Hn?'

"Who's the most beautiful woman you can think of?"

He quirked a brow, under all the make up it was hard to read his reaction. "Is that a trick question?"

"No. I'm not fishing."

"So, I'm safe?"

"You're safe."

"Louise Brooks."

She fell silent.

He stooped ever so to meet her eyes. "Am I still safe?"

"You're still safe." She replied. "I can see the appeal. Pixyish, waif of a woman with a sexual edge."

"When I was a little boy there was an old theatre about six blocks from my home that showed really old silent films on Sundays. The first woman I ever fell in love with was Lulu in The Canary Murder Case. You never get over that first attraction."

She smiled.

"And you? Surely you had a first attraction?"

"Of course." She replied.

When she said nothing further on the subject, Eddie prodded her gently. "Who?"

"Gary Cooper."

He frowned. "That's a bald-faced lie."

"Oh?"

"Who was it? One of The Monkees? Was it Peter Tork?"

Laughing, she shook her head.

"Hm…you don't strike me as a Davy Jones type of girl…was it Mike or Mickey?"

"Promise you won't laugh?"

"I make no promises."

After a moment studying his worth, she confessed. "It was Gregory Peck in To Kill A Mockingbird."

"Oh? Curious." He said. "Was it Atticus' lawyer status or father status that attracted you?"

"As a kid? I liked his height. As a woman? I appreciate his moral standing."

"This coming from a woman featured in the Gotham Gallery of Villains wing."

She ignored his taunt. "I like the humanity he displayed. How he wasn't overbearing as a father, but he made himself available to his children. He was the last American hero. A gentleman who protected the weak to the best of his abilities."

"Except for the Bat and his little clan of heroes, right?" Eddie pointed out.

"They're different kinds of heroes, Eddie." She said. "When I was a child, Atticus Finch was everything I wanted. Security, and love, and strength. He was my hero."

Eddie's arm slipped around her waist and he drew her near. "You know Atticus Finch ranked number one on the American Film Institutes list of heroes."

"Really?"

"Hn."

"Where do get these statistics?" She demanded.

His eyes twinkled. "I read a lot. Ah, here we are."

They stopped before the impressive figure of Batman. Standing on a dais, it seemed the hero stood bigger than life, towering over the Riddler and Catwoman in their hunched disguises.

"What a pompous jerk." Eddie scoffed.

Selina purred. "I'm sure he had nothing to do with this diorama. Just be grateful they didn't pose him standing over your battered body."

"Just be grateful they didn't have you worshipping at his feet." He replied dryly.

Selina hefted a warning brow at his words, but paid her no attention, his eyes on the Batman before them.

"What do you think? Same size?" He asked.

"Well, you're a little leaner, but height-wise, yeah."

"Good. Did you notice the sensors?"

"Of course."

"Do we need to linger here?"

"No."

"Fantastic. Let's leave."

As they wove their way through the rest of the museum, Selina found herself more and more often slipping her arm through his, enjoying their false normalcy.

On their way out the perky girl at the front chirped. "Sign our guestbook?"

Eddie smirked and hobbled over. "Gladly." He croaked.

At his side, Selina watched as he scrawled in the book: _Gotta get back to the island! Thurston and Lovey Howell._

She didn't find it funny at all.

"Did I mention you make an adorable old lady, my dear?" Eddie asked as they cleared the doors of the museum.

* * *

><p><strong>**Crane**<strong>

He was in the middle of stitching a pocket on one of his suit jackets, when the sound of boots on the grating outside his lair alerted him to an invasion.

Setting down his mending, he grabbed a handful of gas bombs and his scythe and slipped into the shadows by the door.

Two forms stepped in casually and in the light from the hall he made out twin pairs of bountiful breasts.

"What brings you two back here?" He snarled from the shadows.

The Riddler's henchwomen spun in shock.

"Geez, Professor, you can't do that to us!" Nina exclaimed.

"We came back because you said you'd tell us about medical oddities some other time," Diedre said. "And…well it's some other time right now."

Setting his scythe down, Crane moved across the lair to put his gas bombs away. "What makes you think I have time to dally about with you two?' He demanded. "Go bother your own boss!"

Turning from his table he found the blonde clasping her hands. "Please?"

Nina stepped forward, holding out a framed photograph to him. "We knocked over an antique store and got you a present."

Crane eyed the offering cynically. "Why?"

The brunette shrugged. "You tell interesting stories about stuff. We like that."

"Plus when we were here before, Nina and I noticed you seemed lonely. We thought we could cheer you up." The blonde said.

"So you thought buttering me up with gifts would, what? Impress me?" He growled.

Nina shook the offered photograph. "Well, could you at least tell us if this is a memento mori? There was, like, a billion in the drawer and we had to look through them all to find it."

Snatching the photo out of her hands, he flicked on the desk lamp at his work table and eyed it in the light. Finding it hard to see without his glasses, he turned around to get them off his bookshelf, when he found the blonde already holding them out to him.

Crane took them with a nod of thanks and turned back to the photograph.

"I think…it could very well be." He muttered. "See how the woman to the right of her is slightly blurred."

"Because pictures took forever to take, right?" Diedre asked. "So if a person moved slightly, they would blur."

"Exactly. But the woman in the middle is perfectly clear. She could very well be deceased. Also, note the unnatural position of her hand. It's claw-like, seems almost arthritic. In death, at times, when rigor mortis sets in a person may curl in on themselves. All tendons retract and it becomes impossible to move the form."

Crane found himself suddenly accosted by the two young women, he was grabbed and pushed back into his chair, where they eagerly clamoured onto his lap, one on each knee.

"Tell us about the medical oddities." Diedre pleaded.

"We love the way you talk!" Nina added.

Flustered, Crane regained his sense and adjusted his glasses. "Well…um…very well. There was a story about a man during the civil war…"

* * *

><p><strong>Day Fourteen<strong>

****Edward****

He was standing against a street light, across the street from the Gotham Wax Works, dressed to the nines as a member of the GCPD.

Earlier he had popped into the 43rd Precinct and borrowed the uniform, because he knew that no one would call the cops on a loitering cop. For all anyone knew he was walking the beat.

Selina had slipped into the museum nearly a half an hour earlier.

Not only did he employ her to get the suit to get her back to doing what she loved, but he had realized with one of his botched pharmacy robberies that his little device could get him into a place, but not past any motion sensors. For that he needed a pro and Lina was the best of the best.

Besides, he enjoyed seeing her parade around in her tight catsuit. She didn't do it as often as he liked.

Yawning, he raised his coffee cup to his bottom lip and held it there until he was finished, before taking a sip.

From out of the darkness a slinky Catwoman scuttled proudly, a satchel on her back, no doubt filled with the faux Batsuit.

"Officer, I want to turn myself in."

Edward chuckled and tossed his coffee in a nearby bin. "How'd it go?"

"Press that little detonator of yours and find out." She replied.

Pulling the small, pen-like device out of his pocket, Edward uncapped it and waiting until Catwoman was safely behind him, pressed the button.

For a moment Gotham was silent. Nothing happened.

"Some genius." She taunted.

Edward reached behind him and took hold of her wrist. The museum disappeared in a hell-storm of fire and debris, blasting pieces of the building their way with a heavy force of air. Before any of the shrapnel could hit them, the street was gone and they were standing in Selina's bedroom.

"Hm, a girl could have fun with a device like that." She purred, pulling the satchel off and tossing it onto the bed. "Now be a good boy and promise me you're not going to use that Batsuit for evil."

"Well, define evil." He replied.

Smirking wickedly, Selina placed a clawed hand on her hip and settled the other on the pull at her throat. "Want to see something?"

"If it means you're going to pull that zipper down, then yes, very much so." He replied.

Leaning down she undid her boots, pulling them off, before returning her hand to the zipper on her suit.

It made a soft buzzing sound as it slid down, what it revealed wasn't Selina's pale flesh, but something green and peppered with black question marks.

He took a step back, adjusting the black tie. of his uniform

With that saucy grin of hers, Selina slipped out of her catsuit and stood before him in the Riddler leotard from the wax effigy of himself.

"Well," he replied. "That's a good argument in favour of the leotard."

Spinning around, she threw her arms over her head and wrapped them around his neck, draping from him backwards. "What do you think?" She cooed. "I could be the Riddler."

Pressing his hands against her hips, he moved in as close as he could. "Ah, but then who would I be?"

"You could be my slave."

"You mean henchman, right?"

Turning back to face him, she brought her hips in close to his, crushing all that made him a man roughly between their bodies. "I meant what I said."

"I'm almost tempted," he growled.

"I'm a little turned on by the cop uniform, Ed." She whispered, running her hands over the various items in his belt. "It does wonders for your hips."

"I figured it might do something for you, kitten." He replied. "Which is why I brought along the hand-"

A clicking sound alerted him to the fact that there was now a cold metal bracelet wrapped around his left wrist. He raised it up to study the situation.

"Cuffs." With a little dread in his voice, he muttered, "oh, this night's going to be different…"

* * *

><p><strong>**Selina**<strong>

The smell of pancakes and coffee woke her.

Outside Gotham was quiet and she languished in bed for a few blissful minutes, inhaling the smell of breakfast and the lingering scent of Eddie on the pillow beside her.

She was only a little sore from the night before. Eddie had taken the brunt of it, but then again she knew he could take it.

After she woke properly, she slipped her legs out of the cool duvet and onto the sun warmed floor.

Pulling on her robe on her way out of the room, she padded down her hall into the kitchen where Eddie was sliding a pancake out of the pan and onto a plate. He was wearing his usual suit, tie askew a bit, jacket hung on the back of a nearby chair, sleeves rolled up.

With his waistcoat on, his hips had an even more boyish look than usual and it made her smile ever so.

He smiled softly at her. "Good morning, kitten."

"Good morning." She greeted quietly. "You're still here."

Quirking a brow at the batter he was pouring onto the pan, he smirked. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, I'm just shocked. Usually you get up earlier than me and you're off before I even wake." She kissed his cheek on her way by, heading for the cupboard where she kept her mugs.

"I was up early," he said. "I hopped out to the market, stole some ingrediants and came back." Shrugging, he pocketed his free hand, the other holding the utensil in his other. "I don't have anything on the schedule today, thought it'd be nice."

"Hm, how domestic of you." She said, pouring them both coffee. Knowing Eddie hated plain black coffee in the morning, she added cream and sugar to his. Three spoons of sugar, because he liked it sweet in the morning. "I can't help but notice you're making blueberry pancakes."

"You like blueberry pancakes," he replied.

"Don't be smug," she warned.

He chuckled and accepted the mug of coffee from her, flipping the pancake over with his other hand.

"So…you cook?"

"Cooking is just like chemistry, kitten. Add this and that and set the tempurature correctly. Viola, food or fear toxin."

"Hopefully you didn't get the recipe's mixed up," she remarked. "Or we'll be having one hell of a breakfast."

"Says the woman who put the fear of God in me last night." He stated.

She shrugged. "You're the one who brought the handcuffs to the part, Eddie."

"Yes, but you're the one who pulled out the whip."

Selina set down her mug when a knock came at the door.

Eddie frowned in the direction of her front door.

"You'd better scram."

"You'd better put away the second place setting." He said, reaching over to turn the burner on the stove off.

Hurrying to hide the evidence of a second person, Selina checked that she wasn't popping out of her silk robe, before opening the door.

On the other side Bruce Wayne stood, all expensive cologne and charming smile.

"Bruce, good morning."

"You're a hard woman to track down, Selina." He returned brightly. "I hope I didn't wake you?"

"No. I was just making breakfast." She said. "Come in."

Stepping into her apartment, Bruce looked about. "This one's bigger than the last one."

"You know me, never in the same place twice."

"Hm."

"Would you like some coffee or…?"

"No," he replied. "I, um, I came to ask a favour."

"A favour?"

Rubbing his jaw nervously, Bruce laughed. "Well, there's this rich to-do at the opera tonight. It's kind of a fundraiser for the children's hospital…"

"Um-hm?" She crossed her arms, knowing just where he was heading. He did it often. Selina Kyle, the emergency eye-candy.

"Well, I thought…you like _Die Fledermaus_, right?"

"No."

He turned on the charm. "Come on, Selina. For me?"

She laughed. "I hate opera."

"I'd owe you big." He said. "Name it and it'd be yours."

"A man like Bruce Wayne can't get any woman to dredge through an opera with? What happened to that blonde of yours?"

"Cindy?"

"I thought it was Toni. You know, with an 'I'?"

Taking a gentle hold of her wrist, Bruce purred, "look, Selina, I know you've been having some rough times lately. I heard about Edward Nygma. I thought getting out like old times would be nice for you. You know? Get you some pretty baubles and silk? I know you love silk."

"Amazingly," she replied, "baubles and silk can't buy me anymore, Bruce."

"Alright, after the opera I'll take you to that Japanese place you love for some mochi."

"You're not going to let up, are you?"

"I always get my man." He replied.

"I think you're a little too southerly to be using that phrase." She shot back.

At his angelic smile, she relented.

"Fine. Opera, then mochi, then you leave me alone. Okay?"

"You're a real peach, Selina. You know?"

"I know."

"I set up an account at Harmony for you to get a gown and baubles," he said. "On me. The pass phrase is _Die Fledermaus_."

"Yeah."

"I'll be by tomorrow night at six for you."

"Sure, Bruce."

"Hey, it's good to see you." He said, all charm and pretentious suavity dropped. "I miss you."

"Yeah, it's nice seeing you again, Bruce." She said, walking him to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Lina."

The door had been closed for all of a second, when Eddie appeared at her side.

"What an unmitigated pompous prince." He snarled.

Touching a hand to his chest, she moved past him for the kitchen. "Well, he thinks you're dead and he has a chance. And, Bruce isn't that bad, Ed. He's a nice guy."

"He's a sexual predator, is what he is." Eddie replied sharply. "No man acts that charming unless he's looking for something under the skirt."

"I'll go out with him tomorrow night and let him down gently."

Slumping heavily in a chair at the table, Eddie brooded.

Feeling the chill, Selina placed her hands on her hips. "Look, I don't like jealous men, Ed. So if you're going to start acting like a child over this, there's the door."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you, Lina? For me to leave, give you clear access to Bruce Wayne. And he'll show you interest for…how long this time? A few weeks? A month tops? He's unreliable and you know it!"

"Yes! I do know it, Ed! Thanks for spelling it out for dumb little me! I would have never saw it if the great Riddler hadn't thrown it in my face!" She growled. "But if you'd stop being a jealous asshole, you'd see that I have no interest in him…he's an old friend and I'm doing him a favour. If you think I'm going to suck his dick at the end of the night, then you obviously have no trust in me!"

Eddie winced as though she had physically hit him. "Well, I wish you hadn't said _that_."

She sighed.

"Okay, let's calm down and think rationally." He said, templing his fingers and pressing them to his chin. "I do trust you. I just don't like him. Any other man in Gotham, but something about Bruce Wayne just…irks me."

Selina smiled ever so. "I know you hate Bruce, Ed. You've kidnapped him, like, twenty times."

Eddie smiled, it was a crooked, but proud smile. "Twenty-three."

Crossing the room, she tentatively seated herself on his lap and leaned against him. "Can we eat breakfast now? I'm starved."

He pulled a face. "I…I can't…there's a image in my head of you bobbing and…it's not pretty."

She chuckled softly. "Sorry, it was in the heat of battle."

"Well, it's stuck there now…all sounds and…urg…words can't describe the horrors that now dwell within my mind."

Someone was knocking on her door again and she frowned.

"Selina? It's Bruce! Can I come in and wait for the tow truck? My car's gone flat on all fours!"

"I may have let the air of his tires." Eddie mumbled.

"All those I.Q. points become fuel for the inner child when you get jealous, don't they?" She asked.

"Well, you'll thank me when you realize that I dumbed it down from murder."


	8. Die! Fledermaus! Die!

**_TanithSeh1011 - You're a stone cold bad ass. Seriously, that's pretty cool._**

**_Renny777 - Haha, you caught the King of the Hill reference, also thanks a whole heap for creating an account just to review my story. I don't have anon reviews turned on because that's just asking for jerks to flame you for no reason other than they feel they're protected by anonymity. If someone wants to hate on me, they better have the guts to have a profile and an avatar, you know?_**

**_Esmeralda Smith - Just because you got super excited over finding a grammatical error, I placed in the following chapter exactly 48 more, for your reading pleasure. Please enjoy!_**

**_NURSE J0Y - Yes, I actually wanted to mirror Eddie in her catsuit with Lina in his leotard. I thought it would be cute._**

**_Violeta27 - Old Riddler and Catwoman are super cute. Check out Kingdom Come._**

**_Robot521 - Your reviews make me happy! ^_^ I'm really grateful for your loyalty!_**

**_*checks trap*_**

**_*the vodka and herring is gone*  
><em>**

**_Hmm...Gothenburg tracks...Sweden WAS here...but they found a way to outwit my clever trap...touche Sweden, touche._**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eight: Die! Fledermaus! Die!<strong>

**Day Fifteen**

****Doctor Fries****

In her solution, she was never more beautiful.

An angel underwater, a temptress suspended, forever young, forever at rest.

Life was cruel.

How his beloved became like a nymph in a snow globe and he became a monster among men.

Pocketing his thickly gloved hands in the overcoat he wore to conceal his suit, he hung his head and exhaled.

"Is it better to live one thousand years and never utter a word, or live eighty and speak nothing but untruths and lies?"

Beside him the Riddler stood, a soft, brown teddy bear in hand, eyeing Nora politely.

Fries scowled. "I didn't hear you come in."

"I didn't use a door." He replied.

Turning to his guest, Fries sighed. "Can I offer you a cup of tea?"

"I'd like that." Edward said. He held up the bear and shook it lightly. "Oh, I brought a peace offering for the little man. Don't tell Ivy it came from me or she'll throw it out."

"I think the little Riddler costume the bear is wearing might be a tip off."

Touching noses with the bear, Edward chuckled. "You like it? I found him at a souvenier place on Weston and Eighth."

"I don't think people are taking Gotham's rogues as seriously as they should anymore." Fries replied calmly, leading them through the greenhouse.

"Oh, I made the costume. Thought it would give the bear an air of dignity."

"You're just hoping that Victor will associate his loveable new stuffed bear with you and won't harm you the next time you pay us a visit." Fries pointed out.

"Can you blame me? Your son has some real abilities. Nearly throttled me last time, if you recall."

"I remember. You insulted his mother."

Edward nodded. "Ivy and I never really got along." He admitted.

Pushing open the door into the world outside, Fries allowed the Riddler to precede him into the early evening, before closing the door tightly behind them.

"I never understood your rivalry."

The Riddler pressed a finger to his chin. "Well, it's…it's like we're two opposing forces. I suppose. She has her agenda and I have mine and never the two shall meet."

"So what brings you around this evening, Edward?" He asked.

"I thought it'd be nice to hold a conversation with someone who doesn't have an agenda."

Fries paused and turned to the man at his side. "No one ever just pays a visit for the conversation in Gotham."

Edward nodded. "I know. Most of us like it that way."

"Most."

They were walking again.

"Where is Ivy tonight?"

"She waited for them to close for the day, then took Victor to the botanical gardens."

"Ah."

The continued on towards the house.

"So how'd it come to pass that Ivy chose you for spawning?" Edward asked suddenly.

"That's an interesting story," Fries said, with no intentions of expanding his words.

They reached the house and he opened the door for the Riddler, holding it politely.

Ascending the stairs in silent, Fries was grateful when the Riddler spoke again. He was never good at small talk. Lectures, explanations, but never small talk. It was a small reason why he loved Nora as much as he did. She talked. She used to fill the void with little anecdotes and tales, and while most men would be annoyed by such a chatterbox, Fries was happy to hear her talk. She had a lovely voice and could chirp away until sunrise for all he cared.

"You know I never understood children." Edward admitted. "Not even when I _was_ a child."

Entering Fries' study, the good doctor moved across the room to his hot plate and set his kettle boiling. It wasn't that he was lazy, but he found it easier to make early morning tea in his study while working, then to go downstairs and interrupt his work.

"Have a seat." He offered, flailing his hand in the direction of the chair.

Quietly, Edward eased into the chair and set the bear on the desk along with his hat and cane.

"Of course I never fully understand anyone, but that's my cross to bear." The Riddler went on.

Fries smiled and sat in the chair across from him.

"Do you wonder if it may be because you have a higher intelligence than the average Gothamite?" Fries asked.

"No, it's not that." Edward said. "It's humanity on a whole. I can't understand why they do what they do. Sometimes I get the urge to just break humanity open and poke around inside to see what makes it tick."

"It would take an awful lot of time and energy to crack humanity, Edward."

Slipping down in his chair, the Riddler thrust a hand through his hair and sat almost sullenly in thought.

"I think Louis Armstrong and Sam Cooke were wrong." Edward growled. "It's not a goddamned wonderful world."

"Sounds like you need something stronger than tea," Fries said.

"Yeah, a .308 and a clear line of shot at Bruce Wayne." He mumbled.

At Fries' curious look, the Riddler waved his hand as a silent gesture for him to disregard the comment.

"How about some brandy?" Fries suggested.

"No, thank you, I need my wits about me tonight."

"Oh? Going to crack open humanity?"

"Not tonight."

Sensing something off about the Riddler, Fries leaned back in his chair. "What's wrong, Edward? You're like a wet puppy tonight."

He chuckled. "I'm just contemplating love."

Fries smiled softly. "Well, when you figure it out, let me in on the formula."

"I just can't understand it."

"No one can."

"My parents never loved anything, me, each other." He muttered. "I never had that visual, that example of what it's supposed to look like."

"Well, it looks different for each of us. That's the thing about love, it's ever changing. It has a million faces and fifty thousand different names." Fries said. "But let me ask you something. If I may?"

The Riddler waved him to go on.

"Are you a sociopath?"

"No."

"Diagnosed psychopath?"

"No, the doctors were very adamant about that." A long, purple finger pointed up. "Obsessive compulsive with a touch of narcissism." After a beat, the Riddler added with a shrug, "a lot of narcissism."

Fries nodded. "And you're trying to figure out if you love Selina Kyle or not, yes?"

When Edward was silent for too long, Fries prodded. "Does she make you happy?"

"Hn."

"Do you make her happy?"

Touching a finger to his bottom lip, the Riddler rubbed it thoughtfully. "I hope so," he said after a moment of contemplation.

"Well, there's your answer right there, Edward. A diagnosed narcissistic personality admitting that he wishes happiness on someone who isn't himself is a good sign, I think."

"Well, that's all well and fine, Doctor Fries, but how does one go from point A to point B with this whole matter?"

"You're looking at it like a mathematician, Edward. It isn't a logic problem. It's never been that predictable. You need to look at it like a sociologist." Leaning over the desk, ignoring the boiling kettle behind him, Fries went on. "Look, you and Selina aren't the suburbanite types. You'll never settle into something typical and mundane, but that doesn't mean you and her can't have a long, lasting relationship. You need to forge your own place with her at your side. I'm not saying you have to conquer the world, but find a place where you and her can be with each other, if that's what you want."

"A place…" Edward frowned. "You're right. I've been looking at this like it has to be something typical. But let's face it, we're not. So why should the round relationship peg be forced into a square hole? You're not as dumb as you look, Fries."

Scowling a little, the good doctor chose to ignore that comment, knowing it was just the Riddler's way.

"I may pay you more social calls in the future!" Edward exclaimed.

"I look forward to each and every one of them." Fries replied dryly.

* * *

><p><strong>**Selina**<strong>

She was applying the last of her make-up, when Eddie appeared in the corner of her room, barely visible in her vanity mirror.

Turning in her chair, she waited for the jealousy to begin.

Instead he sat quietly in her corner chair, hands clasped before him studiously. She watched him quietly as he gazed back at her.

"You look beautiful, kitten." He finally greeted.

She smirked. "Oh? And…?"

"And I'm going to say one thing and one thing only on the subject of this outing."

"Get it over with."

"If he tries anything with you, I will fucking destroy him."

She chuckled softly. "I know you're serious because you never curse."

Her hand hesitated when she reached for the cat necklace hanging in it's place and she glanced at the Riddler in the mirror.

His sharp eyes were watching her every movement, almost as though daring her to do it.

Quietly, she unclasped the pendant and lovingly placed it on her vanity, avoiding his gaze. Picking up a choker that matched her gown better than the pendant, she held up the ribbon ends to her choker and dangled them for him.

Unfolding himself, he pushed out the chair and approached her, taking hold of the ribbon and securing it at the nape of her neck. "I meant every word of that threat, Selina. If you still have any care for Bruce Wayne you'll make sure to avoid indiscretions with the philandering miscreant."

"You know, Ed, all this jealousy is making me want to have an affair with Bruce." She growled. "Just to give you a reason to act like an ass."

Eddie stooped over low enough to enter her vision in the vanity, his eyes were dark and almost a poisonous blue. He obviously didn't like this idea and for some sick reason she enjoyed that fact.

Craning her neck to face him, she frowned. "Do you trust me?"

"On any given day? No."

She smirked. "Probably the best response to that question." Catching his pointed chin in her hand, she gripped it tightly. "Do you trust me to come home to you at the end of the opera?"

"I suppose." He ground between clenched teeth.

"Will you be here when I get back?"

"If you want."

Releasing his chin, she turned back to her vanity. "Good. I have a present for you."

Eddie leaned in, sliding his arm around her waist as he peered over her shoulder. "Really?"

"You'll get it if you behave."

He scowled. "Isn't that how mothers trick children into behaving?"

"Well, you're acting a bit childish, I thought it was fitting." She replied with a small, secretive grin.

"What is it? Maybe it's not even going to be worth it."

Selina chuckled. "I'm not telling you what it is, that defeats the purpose."

"Is it animal, vegetable or mineral?"

"You know, I can't remember."

"Likely story, sister." He snarled.

Standing up, she turned around. "Well, how do I look?"

"Too good. You could probably have frumped up a little." He said sullenly.

Grabbing hold of his tie she yanked on it hard and brought his face close to hers. "How do I look?"

"Beautiful. Like a queen." He croaked.

She smiled and released him. "I know. It's nice to hear it, though."

Adjusting his tie with sharp, efficient movements, he cleared his throat. "Yes, well. Enjoy your opera."

"Um-hm."

As she wandered past him, she felt his hand close on her wrist and he tugged her against him tightly. Before she could push herself away, Eddie's mouth was on hers. It was a searing kiss, the type of kiss he gave her when they were huddled together naked in the bed. Winding her arms around his neck, she returned the kiss, smiling as they broke apart.

"See you later, Ed."

"Kitten."

* * *

><p><strong>**Edward**<strong>

He lasted all of twenty minutes, before he was tempted to go to her vanity.

The cat pendant sparkled on the clean, white surface.

Edward scooped it up and tucked it away in his inner pocket. It was safer there than just lying out in the open like some common trinket.

Fidgeting and wandering about her apartment, he grew increasingly restless until finally he tapped a code into the device on his arm and went back to his lair.

It was a small storage space that he rented and pre-paid for years ago under an assumed alias, but it held all his important gear. His costumes, his Riddler suits, his variety of canes and four slowly growing kittens and their calico mother who came and went through an open vent he left for them.

In his lair he was just as restless, pacing the small space left between the two rows of metal shelves that lined the walls.

If he was honest with himself, it wasn't that he didn't trust Selina, it was just that there was always that slim, miniscule possibility that she could fall for Bruce Wayne's social graces. After all, the man was at ease when sweet talking women. He was a professional when it came to the opposite sex and what was Edward? He was a genius, but unfortunately most genius' had to trade their social skills for knowledge. It wasn't his fault, it came with the condition.

Removing his bowler, he flung it onto his workbench and sighed. Checking his pocket watch, he winced. It had only been thirty minutes, the opera hadn't even started yet.

He needed a distraction.

* * *

><p>She was hunched over her work table as usual, chattering away to Nora Fries or her plants, or both, when Edward popped up at her side.<p>

Vines poised at ready around him, before she registered who the intruder was.

Ivy's pets slithered back into the growth of the greenhouse, while the red head eyed him with narrowed eyes.

"What do you want?" She demanded.

He frowned. "Your manners rival those of a bull moose during mating season." He replied. "Most people would at least give me a 'hello' or 'good evening'."

"I'm not most people and I can't stand your face, so have your say and get the hell out." She snarled.

He clasped his cane before him, leaning on it heavily. "Charming. I almost picture you with a club in one hand and a carcass dragging from the other when you get like this."

Her green eyes flashed danger. "You're one more insult away from getting a vine shoved into every orifice."

"One more, hm? Let's make it a good one then." He shot back.

Drawing herself together with a deep breath, Ivy prepared for war.

"Ah, he who strikes the first blow admits he's lost the argument." Edward explained.

"I'm willing to admit defeat if it gets you throttled by my vines." She replied.

He beamed charmingly at her. "You wouldn't throttle a man who offers you his hand in peace, would you?"

"I'd throttle a man for looking at me wrong. Now, did you come here for a reason or are you just looking for a fight?"

"If I wanted a good argument, don't you think I'd go to someone more like me in brain capacity?"

"Does the Gotham Zoo still have the monkey house?" She inquired.

"This is why I enjoy talking with you, Ivy. Your infantile insults really refresh a tired mind."

"Oh? You like that? Then you'll really love this."

Edward sensed vines weaving their way towards him and pressed a hand to his device, hitting his emergency recall button.

Back in the safety of his lair, he checked his pocket watch. Well, that had wasted some time. But not nearly enough, he was back to pacing within minutes.

* * *

><p><strong>**Crane**<strong>

"Edward." He greeted flatly.

"Hello, Jonathan. I see my girls are making this place into a lair worthy of your habitation."

Looking up from his book, Crane eyed the small, homey touches the girls had put on his lair. The weapon's cache, the training area, a mannequin sporting his costume, it was almost like a real lair. "Yes, they're quite industrious young ladies."

"Aren't they? I wouldn't be seen with henchwomen who slack off."

"What about the Marks?"

"They were pure muscle, that's all. Oxen to pull the wagon of my machinations." Edward replied, tipping Crane's book up and reading the title. The Riddler's graceful eyebrows knit. "The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket?"

"You know a few years after Poe wrote this tale, a real cabin boy named Richard Parker was set upon and eaten when he and his fellow crewmen found themselves adrift at sea?"

Throwing himself into the chair at Crane's side, Edward sighed. "I would imagine with a majority of names being John or Richard back in those days, it was a mere coincidence."

"Possibly, but it's still a lovely story to tell the children." Tucking the book away into the space between the arm of the chair and his hip, the Scarecrow eyed his old friend. "What brings you about tonight?"

"Boredom."

"Great minds never grow bored."

Seated sullenly at his side, Edward Nygma seemed frozen in stone, he was absolutely still. The only thing that betrayed his living state was the well polished oxford that tapped the ground lightly.

Not knowing just what the Riddler expected from him and not really having the patience to find out, Crane returned to his reading.

"Nope, this isn't helping." Edward stated from his side.

Pushing to his feet swiftly, the Riddler touched a hand to his device and slipped out of existence in the ship.

Eyeing the spot where his friend had stood, Crane shook his head.

* * *

><p><strong>**Bruce Wayne**<strong>

He couldn't, for the life of him, remember why he ever let Selina Kyle slip through his fingers.

Aside from everything that drove a great, yawning chasm between them, he found she was the only woman he could ever feel comfortable around. Not even Talia or Zatanna gave him a sense of serenity like Selina did.

He supposed it was because Selina was an absolute vault when it came to things. She had the ability to keep secrets without making things feel weird between them.

She could tease him and hold a conversation with him without the tension of what they really were hindering the moment.

All that and her stunning beauty made for a potent package.

As they left the opera house for the Japanese place, he found himself talking to her like they had done so often, so many years ago.

But there was something different about her, that the detective in Bruce couldn't deny.

She was like a vault, with one more thing hidden inside. Everything looked normal and the same as it ever was, but there was something off about her.

The more he studied her as they passed under the bluish street lights, the more her realized something wasn't right about her.

It tickled his brain, bothered him to no end. What was it?

"You're quiet, Bruce." She mused. "You only get this quiet when you're thinking."

He forced a smile. "Just thinking how nice it is being able to talk to someone like you."

"We weren't talking."

"Just being near you, then." He said.

"I'm not one of your bimbo's, Bruce. You can talk to me without flirting."

"Sorry, I'm so used to it, that I'm hardly ever aware when I do it anymore."

"Can we call it a night?" She asked, watching the street outside her window.

"If you want. Alfred?" He called up front. "Let's drive Miss Kyle home."

"Of course, Master Bruce."

As the car turned off onto forty-seventh, Bruce turned to the woman at his side. "I'm sorry if you didn't have fun tonight." He said. "To tell the truth if it wasn't for charity I wouldn't have gone either."

"It's not you, Bruce." She said. "I just haven't felt much like being social for a while."

"At least you have the choice of staying in," he teased.

She smiled.

"You know, if something's wrong, Selina-"

"There's nothing wrong." She stated firmly. "It's actually the opposite, but I just want to be home tonight."

Her hand went to her throat.

At first Bruce thought she was checking to make sure her choker was in place, when there was a small glimmer of something else that passed over her face when her fingers touched the silver shape and satin ribbon.

She dropped her hand to her lap and sighed softly.

Something wasn't right about Selina Kyle.

* * *

><p><strong>**Edward**<strong>

He was up on the rooftop of Selina Kyle's apartment, when a frivolously luxurious Bentley pulled up.

Grasping hold of his cane, he leaned over the edge to watch as Selina and Bruce exited the vehicle when the driver opened the door for them.

Ducking back as Bruce Wayne glanced up at the night sky, he eased back to the edge and continued his vigil.

From up high he couldn't make out their expressions as they stood almost directly below him, but he did notice Bruce set his hand on Selina's hip.

Edward's own hands clenched around his cane tightly. Inside his inner demon growled for him to go down onto the street and lay the playboy out, but deeper inside his rational monk said to allow Selina the benefit of a doubt and give her a chance to deny Bruce Wayne on her own.

So he planted his feet firmly on the roof and pleased his inner demon by wringing the life out of his cane.

Selina, stepped out of Bruce Wayne's reach and after a brief exchange, turned towards the door into the building, leaving the man standing on the street.

Edward smiled cruelly at the rejected man as he stood there for a few minutes, before turning back towards his expensive car.

"Tough luck, old boy." Edward muttered happily.

* * *

><p>Inside her apartment a mere few seconds later, he smugly strolled into her bedroom to find her on the floor on her hands and knees, searching under her vanity.<p>

"I always wanted a room with a view," he greeted, eyeing her bottom lecherously.

Dropping to his knees, he poked his head under the vanity to join her. "What's wrong?"

She glanced at him, eyes slightly wide. "Nothing."

"Why are we on the floor then?"

She shook her head. "I dropped something."

Taking in the fact that she was still in her gown, but had removed the choker, he put two and two together. "Ah," reaching into his inner pocket he withdrew the cat pendant. "You're looking for this."

Dangling it between them, he laughed when she snatched it away from him.

"What are you doing with it?" She snapped.

"I thought it'd be safer with me than just lying where you dropped it." He replied.

Unclasping it, she glared at him. "I didn't 'just drop' it."

Smirking, he threw his cane aside and removed his gloves. "And…how did the opera go?"

"The baritone was sharp." She replied coolly, pushing to her feet.

Edward remained on the floor at her feet, grinning up at her. "And…was he a gentleman?"

"Of course."

"So, how'd the night end?" He went on.

She glowered at him. "With filthy sex in his car."

"Haha, you little liar." He said, clambering to his feet.

Smirking, she reached for the zipper on her gown. "Oh?"

He beat her to the zipper. "I'd imagine you broke his heart."

Anything she was about to say died on her lips as he pulled her back against him roughly.

"And where's my present for being a good boy?" He growled in her ear.

She smirked. "You're already unwrapping it."

"You cheeky little minx…" he whispered, before adding. "It's just what I've always wanted."


	9. Gummy Hands & Green Gills

**_Robot521 - Well, promising to murder someone is a definite sign of true love for a villain..._**

**_Violeta27 - Bruce Wayne is hard to write, because he has little to no flavour when it comes to his character. At least that's my opinion, there may be people out there who thinks he's as spicy as a Thai noodle dish...*runs off to order Thai for dinner*_**

**_eatingsupernoodles - I always thought that if he wasn't terrorizing people or working on his fear toxins, Jonathan Crane would be a pretty boring guy. He just seems like the type to sit in at night and read or something._**

**_NURSE J0Y - Is it horribly wrong of me that I get a little turned on when Eddie swears or does something outrageously bad ass in the comics? Like what he did to Bonecrusher. I got a little happy chill as he reached for his cane._**

**_Renny777 - Yup. I said it once and I'll proudly say it again. You can't perform a 360 on a character's already well established mental state just because you need it for a plot point. Eddie was never a real cold-blooded killer. He risked lives when it was necessary for his own egotistical gain, but he never just killed to kill._**

**_*checks trap*_**

**_*it's empty again, dusts for fingerprints*_**

**_Hmm, these are definitely a match to Sweden, I have my suspect now. *removes sunglasses intensely* How Swede it is. *cue pumped up music by The Who and sped up, fly-over viewpoint stock footage of Miami...possibly at night or sunset*_**

**_*resets trap*_**

**_*sets rabbit snare by the main trap*_**

**_*puts a large box propped up by a stick over top main trap*_**

**_*hides in bushes dressed as shrubbery*_**

**_That. That last one was just for me._**

**_...what? I can't dress up like shrubbery for no reason? Well, to hell with all of ya'll!  
><em>**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nine: Gummy Hands &amp; Green Gills<strong>

**Day Seventeen**

****Edward****

He was gone before she woke.

Dressing for the day in his lair, he chose his cane wisely, it wouldn't be a mere trap or a trick cane for the day. It felt like a sword was appropriate for the first day of a war.

Crane's lair was his first stop and when he popped up, he found the man seated in his wing back chair reading, long legs stretched out on an old crate before him.

Easing down into the chair at his friends side, Edward smiled. "Good morning."

Crane flipped a page. "Is it?"

"So far so good."

"Said the man falling from a twenty story building."

Touching a hand to his right cufflink, Edward nodded. "I think it's time to make our move on the Joker."

Crane closed his book and turned pale eyes on the man at his side. "Finally."

"Three days."

"I can be ready by then."

"Good. Do you remember your role?"

"I'm there for the fun."

"Exactly. Don't skimp on the fear gas."

Crane chuckled darkly. "I won't."

Nodding, Edward pushed to his feet. "Well, then I'll be back."

"Unless there's a cotillion at my alma mater, I'll be here." Crane muttered, nose buried deep in his book once more.

Edward twirled his cane, his eyes narrowed under a puckered brow as he studied Crane. He opened his mouth, but thought better of it. Giving his cane one finally twirl, he tipped his bowler. "Well, it's a long and winding road and I'm a rolling stone. Fare thee well, Professor."

"You're still talking?"

"You really need to stop being rude to people, Jon. It's bad for your heart."

"I feel healthy as a water buffalo, how's your blood pressure, Ed?"

The Riddler chuckled and disappeared from the lair.

* * *

><p><strong>**Bruce Wayne**<strong>

Sitting in the middle of a board meeting for The Wayne Foundation, his mind was on anything but new heart monitors for the paediatrics wing of Gotham University Hospital. Mostly it was on Selina Kyle's behaviour. She wasn't the perfect social butterfly, but she never passed up an opportunity for a free meal at an expensive place, and never when it was with him.

That and he was sure someone was watching them from her rooftop when he walked her to her door.

It was dark, but he had that eerie feeling of being watched.

His instincts were telling him that something was off and his instincts were hardly ever wrong.

With the Joker back in Gotham, he barely had enough time to keep track of his own comings and goings, but something else was taking place in Gotham. He just had a gut feeling about that.

Something told him that he'd have to keep a closer eye on Selina Kyle. That she might have something to do with whatever was setting his sixth sense off.

* * *

><p><strong>**Edward**<strong>

"What the hell is this?"

Looking from where he studied the vine he dangled from, he found a very enraged red head storming down the aisle towards him, infant at her hip, his little chubby hands gripping the Riddler bear.

Edward had popped up in a very untimely place in Ivy's greenhouse and as such found himself entangled by her guard vines.

Despite all this embarrassment, he still had the nerve to smile down at her. "You're going to have to be specific, Pam." Resting an elbow on a vine, he cupped his chin with his hand and sighed. "There's an awful lot for me to just guess what you're referring to."

Taking the bear from her son's hands, she shook it at him. "This! What the hell is this?"

"Looks like a much beloved stuffed animal." He replied. "Dressed like a much beloved Gotham City rogue. It's actually a fairly cute little thing, isn't it? Sort of...has that stylish touch to it."

Little Victor's eyes welled at the removal of his toy and the boy began a god awful wailing the likes of which would make banshee's proud.

Ivy scowled darkly at the man caught in her vines. "You son of a bitch." She spat, before grudgingly handing the toy back to her son.

The boy immediately tucked an ear of the bear into his wailing gob, silencing his cries and appeasing his little heart.

Edward's upper lip curled at the boys behaviour. "Ugh, isn't he worried about where that ears been? That's got to void the bears warranty…"

With a cool look of disinterest, Ivy turned tail and began back down the aisle.

"How about getting your vines to give me a pass, Pam?"

She glanced over her shoulder. "You're a genius, figure your own way out."

"Well, I have an idea, but you probably won't like it." He pulled the sword out of his cane enough to show her the glinting blade.

Ivy quirked a brow, before reaching out a hand and stroking a part of her vine.

The ground immediately rose to meet the Riddler with a thump and a cloud of dust. For a moment he lay there, coughing out the dirt that had plumed up into his nostrils and down into his lungs, before jumping to his feet. He brushed the dirt and detritus from his suit and followed the woman.

"What brings you here?" She snarled.

"I came to give you a fair warning."

"You're finally ready?"

"Three days."

"Fine. Message received." She said. "Now get the hell out of my greenhouse."

"You're still going to provide aid, yes?" He asked as they approached her work table.

"Yes."

Edward beamed and sidled up beside her. "Aw, see you say you hate me, but I think deep do-awngh!" He leapt out of the path of a slimey little hand that flailed out towards him, coming from the bear chomping thing at her hip.

Ivy tilted her head. "Calm down, Eddie, he's only a baby."

Adjusting his tie to cover his embarrassment, the Riddler scowled. "What the hell does he think he's doing? People don't just _touch _other people like that…it's rude."

"Again, Eddie, he's just a baby. Although I'm beginning to wonder who the real baby is…"

"I wasn't prepared for that." He explained. "I mean a warning is only polite. Hell, even the doctor gives one a fair warning before just...grabbing you."

"Are…are you scared of babies?" She asked.

"Not at all." He stated, mildly insulted. "What's to be scared of? The folds of fat? Their toothless little mouths? Bah. But look at those hands. They're all gummy and YECH! He's sucking on the bear again." Calming, the Riddler twirled his cane. "I mean, do you worry at all about furballs?"

Sighing, Ivy unzipped the baby bag at her feet and pulled out a soother. She slipped it into the baby's mouth, substituting the bear. "Happy?"

"Hardly. Never get your son a pet cat."

"Yes, well, Doctor Fries is in the main house if you want to go and inform him that the plans are still on." She said. Unhitching the boy from her hip, she held him towards the Riddler. "While you're heading in that direction why not take Victor to see his father?" She smiled cruelly. "Unless you're scared to hold him?"

Edward scowled. That sounded like a challenge anyway you sliced it and he would not back down from a challenge from Poison Ivy.

_Still_, he thought, looking at the boy with narrowed eyes.

Those gooey hands flailed wildly, clinging to the bear with all their might, glistening droplets of slobber still plastered to parts of his little hands.

Looking back at Ivy, he found her smirking in triumph.

He would not lose to her. It would ruin his good reputation.

Steeling himself as he had never steeled himself before, he hung his cane from his forearm and stuck his hands out to receive the little chimp. "Fine."

Hanging the boy onto his hands by his underarms, Ivy frowned. "If anything happens to my son between here and the house-"

"Yeah, fine. Orifices and then murder, I know your MO. Put a little faith in my abilities." He replied, eyeing the baby, trying to figure out where to put him. "I know how to care for a child, Ivy." He went on. Ivy had him resting on her hip, but he didn't exactly have the hips that a woman had…so with one last deep breath, he settled the boy against his chest, the forearm that had his cane dangling from it, coming up to rest under the boy's diapered bottom. "It's not theoretical physics." He finished proudly.

"Which is, by the way, something your son will never even begin to comprehend, given his genetic make-up." He stated with a final turn, leaving the woman at her work table.

He would need a very long, hot shower after he was finished. And the suit would more than likely need to be tossed.

Oh, the things he did to keep Ivy from triumphing!

Carefully, he made his way down the aisle of plants in the greenhouse, keeping one eye on the boy and another on the vines the child liked to hang him with.

The baby watched Edward with big blue eyes, no doubt plotting his next move and the Riddler chose to ignore the look, making this interaction as professional as he could with one party drooling all over his favourite silk tie.

"You don't have to vomit or anything, do you?" He asked the boy as they neared the door into the world beyond the greenhouse.

Blue eyes blinked at him.

"I mean before we leave your mom behind." Edward said. "Look, I know you can't talk yet, but you should be able to understand vomit, right? And since your neck isn't being supported, I'm assuming you have developed the neck muscles that enable you to nod or shake your head. So, just give me a firm nod if you intend on expelling any sort of fluid on my person. It's only polite to give a warning."

The baby blinked up at him again.

"Very well, I'll take your silence as a 'no'."

Outside, Edward made his way quickly and carefully towards the house.

"You know," he said to the baby. "I was an infant once, so...we have one thing in common. Of course I was more intelligent than you are, but that's just genes, it's not your fault. You have a better father than mine, so I guess in the long run we both win. I mean, my father was an ass and yours seems fairly intelligent."

They walked on for a beat.

"Your mother, not so much."

* * *

><p><strong>**Crane**<strong>

He looked up from his reading to find a dark head poking into his lair.

Crane smirked and clapped the book shut. "Come into my parlour," he greeted calmly.

Selina Kyle tentatively entered. "You're not still looking to gas me, are you?"

He chuckled darkly and pushed to his feet. "No, I managed to find a test subject on my own."

She held out a take-out container in one hand. "I brought you some food, but I see you're doing well for yourself."

They both looked about his lair. "Yes, it's disgusting, isn't it?" Motioning to the chair at his work table, he said, "come in, please, sit down."

She quirked a brow at the gas bombs he had left scattered across the surface. "I'm fine over here."

Scowling, Crane grabbed hold of his burlap bag and gathered the bombs into it, cinching it closed tightly. "Better?"

She still looked doubtful. "Pass me the mask."

Tsking, Crane did as she asked, throwing his Scarecrow mask her way.

Catching it with a free hand, she set the food down to pull the mask on.

"Wow, this thing's itchy."

"Yes, it's delightful isn't it?"

"Masochist." She replied, handing off the food to him.

Pulling his chair to the table to sit across from her, Crane opened the food. "Would you like some?"

"No, thank you. I'm feeling kind of lousy today."

Shrugging, Crane dipped into it. "Do you have a reason for coming back?" He asked. "Other than the atmosphere."

"I just get the feeling that I'm on a cruise whenever I visit." She replied. "Although today the motion of the ocean is making me a little green around the gills."

"I think if you're looking for a cruise ship, even a garbage barge would be better than this old tub. And when you leave take a handful of cats with you, they've run out of rats and mice to devour and now take to stealing my dinner." He growled.

"The cats go where they want, I have no control over them." She said.

"It's beginning to feel like ancient Egypt around here," Crane snarled. "Can't throw a stone without hitting a cat."

"You don't throw stones at my cats, though. Do you?"

"No." He stated, adding softly, "is the best answer to that question."

"So, who's been helping you fix up this place, anyways?"

"I'm not sure. I woke up on morning and it was like this." He replied.

Pushing the mask up, Selina Kyle frowned at him. "Are you keeping a lady somewhere on board, Captain Hook?"

"The only woman on this ship is that stray queen you brought that had a litter in the hold." He growled.

Pulling the mask off completely, she set it on her lap and fingered the rough burlap.

"When did the fad for hate turn from Batman to the Joker?" She asked.

Crane looked over his glasses at her. "I don't concern myself with the Bat, he's the one who sticks his nose into my business."

"That's because you're usually doing something you shouldn't be doing." She replied.

"Who decided he gets to be judge and jury?" Crane snarled. "The man isn't above the law, he's like the rest of us, only instead of looking out for himself, he conforms to please the general public."

"Jon, you go around gassing people for kicks."

"It's research!" He snarled.

"It stopped being about research five years ago." She stated. "Now it's just for the hell of it! Let's face it, you get a sick sense of pleasure out of making people miserable!"

Crane chose to ignore her, but she kept talking, pushing him back into conflict with her.

"I don't know why you can't just let it go. Forget Batman, forget the Joker and forget Harley and just move on, Jon."

He quirked a brow. "Let's talk about you and something you've never let go, Selina."

"This isn't about me."

"It is now." He said firmly.

She pushed to her feet, but Crane was a bit faster than her, taking hold of her wrist and shoving her back into the chair.

"What was it that made you impenetrable? Caused you to close in on yourself?" He demanded, resting a hand on the table and leaning over her. "Was it rape?"

Selina eyed him coolly, before looking away. "What do you care about what happened to me?"

"I don't. I just to pick people's brains. Were you molested as a girl?"

"Keep me in this chair any longer and you'll find yourself with one less eye."

Crane grabbed a hold of her hair and twisted her head back. "What happened, Selina?"

Her hand shot out and she jabbed him in the eye.

He reeled backwards, holding his eye. "You bitch!"

Selina stood up. "Aw, what happened to our camaraderie, Jonny?"

"I looked into the matter, Lina!" He snarled. "And you know what the consensus on the streets is? Selina Kyle used to be a whore!"

She lunged herself at him, planting both feet and hands on his chest, pushing them both to the floor. "I preferred prostitute, Jon! It sounded more professional!"

He gripped her wrist and twisted it, as they began fighting on the floor like a couple of deadly children.

Slamming her against the table leg, Crane scrambled to his feet, about to plant a boot to her side.

Her own foot struck out and hit him in the knee and he crumbled to the floor at her side. Crawling over him, she wrapped a well manicured hand around his throat and took hold of his testicles with her other. "Your boys or your life, Jon." She spat.

Not willing to let her live, Crane raised his knee and managed to land it hard in her side. Taking the distraction to extract himself from her grip, he took hold of the nearest weapon he could and struck.

* * *

><p><strong>**Selina**<strong>

The first thing thing she saw when she opened her eyes was a pair of big, eerily pale blue ones.

"You probably shouldn't tell Edward about this," he greeted calmly.

She glanced down to find him stitching up her forearm with swift efficient swoops of a needle.

"You hit me in the face with a hard cover book, you prick," she growled. "Why is my arm bleeding?"

"You cut your arm on the way down and I saw fit to repair the damage."

"How's my face?" She asked.

He smirked his barely there smile. "It's looks terrible, but there's no damage."

"Great, not only do I suffer the shame of being defeated by the Scarecrow and Robinson Crusoe, but I also have to wake up to a world where you think you're a stand-up comedian." She growled.

"You have a lovely epidermis." He replied.

"You're just saying that to keep me from tattling." She replied with a smirk.

Jonathan Crane chuckled. "Have you seen Edward when he's mad? Can you blame me?"

"I'm not a tattletale." She said. "Besides, I gave as good as I got." She reached up with her free hand and poked the bruise around his eye.

He flinched. "Keep poking and the needle will slip."

She dropped her hand.

"You know I'm only doing this as a courtesy to Edward. If you were anyone else, you'd probably be overboard by now."

"It's nice to have powerful allies." She stated.

Nudging a bottle of brandy close to her hip, he suggested she take a swig.

Selina shook her head. "Don't need it."

"Well, aren't you the war hardened mercenary."

* * *

><p>Inside her apartment later that evening, she hung her keys on the peg by the door and stepped into her hall, heading for the bathroom to take a nice, long, warm bath. Her tits ached like hell.<p>

As she passed by her dark living room, something caught her attention and brought her to a halt.

Batman stood in front of her window, tall and ominous.

"What do you want, Bats?" She asked.

"Justice."

About to make a smart assed remark, she caught herself in time. Something about Batman's voice and jaw was a little off.

Reaching out she flipped the light switch.

Batman flashed her a very boyish, almost coy grin.

"Eddie?"

"How's the voice, kitten?" He asked, pushing the cowl off his head, letting it hang behind like a hood. "I've been working on it for a few days."

"Not bad. Could fool a stranger I suppose." She replied, moving across the room towards him.

"How's the suit look? I don't look like a fat, sweaty businessman in a dime-a-dozen polyester suit, do I?" He asked.

She ran her hands over the suit. "No, you look good."

"I had to pad the suit at the shoulders and thighs," he said. "Let out the crotch a little, but I think it looks believable."

"Hm, and just what are you going to use it for?"

"Discounts, mostly." He said. "Maybe use it to get out of a few parking tickets…"

"I'll bet." She replied.

Leaning down he confided. "I feel a little ridiculous dressed like a bat."

"You look good, Ed."

"I know I look good, but do I look good in a bat suit?"

"Well, I'd tell you, but your ego doesn't need further stroking."

He chuckled. "Ah, keeping me humble won't keep me from being superior. That comes naturally."

"You know, Eddie, that ego of yours is going to get you into a lot of trouble someday." She purred.

"Who says it hasn't already?" He inquired, then motioned to her bandages. "What happened to your arm?"

"I talked back to a window today, it broke down and we got into an argument." Patting his chest, she sighed. "Okay, it's getting weird now. Go take the bat suit off."

Setting his hands on his hips, he struck a heroic pose. "I don't exactly have the urge to fight crime...but I do feel like lurking on rooftops with my cape billowing in the wind."

"I'm going for a bath." She said.

As she turned to walk away, Eddie proclaimed proudly.

"Pigeon, hand me my bat shark repellant, I have sharks to fight!"

* * *

><p><strong>**Crane**<strong>

Against the fire in the evening sky, Jonathan Crane's tall, thin figure stood, scythe in hand, staring down at the abandoned toy factory where the Joker and his group had set up.

He felt that if he stared hard enough, his eyes could pierce the brick of the building and he could see inside, see her.

But in the dimming light his eyes failed him, so he contented himself with watching the unmoving, unfeeling building.

"_Ya know, if you smiled more often, ya'd be handsome enough to be a model!"_

He wasn't a soft man. There wasn't really room in him for feelings and emotions, but he had to admit when Harley was nearby she somehow brought something human to him. A touch of something alive.

"_Hm. Guess I gotta make ya smile, huh?"_

Of course when she left, she took his humanity with her.

But he wasn't a weak man. If he had to, he'd kill her. There would be - _could _be - no hesitation. Edward could have his revenge on the Joker, but Harley would be his.


	10. Oz & Pancakes

**_TanithSeh1011 - You *know* I did! Haha! It's just a shame that I couldn't work my favourite line into that chapter. 'Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb'. LOL! Nothing but respect for Bat!West!_**

_**eatingsupernoodles - Ooh, the sixty-four thousand dollar question...which Eddie is this Eddie? Well, I think his looks are mostly Eddie from Joker's Asylum II, mixed with the boyish vivaciousness of Hush Eddie. For some reason Eddie in Hush was drawn so well, that I really got the feel for his energetic, almost child-like charm. But really, any Eddie you want to picture is fine by me too. TAS is a good one...oh, but if anyone's envisioning the Riddler from The Batman while reading this fanfic, I hate to burst your dirty bubble, but that isn't the Riddler. It's a horrible mistake.**_

_**Violeta27 - Yeah, I'm feeling the Crane love. He's so damaged and in need of serious love.**_

_**Robot521 - It's hard. I'm not sure even Crane knows what he wants at this point in time.**_

_**NURSE J0Y - You...*sly face*...you pick up on my hidden clues so well!**_

**_Renny777 - Finally someone joins my shrubbery party! It's about damned time! What's my fascination with Sweden? Well, I'll tell you, through the power of song...*tunes guitar* *clears throat* The legend lives on from - *string on the guitar snaps* Welp, that's the song. Thank you and goodnight!_  
><strong>

**_AceMate - Hey, thanks AceMate! The pledge you made to this story will be used to school a gerbil in a small county in England.  
><em>**

_***checks Sweden trap***_

_**HEY! SWEDEN! FINALLY I CAUGHT...Oh...wait...it's Finland.**_

_***sets Finland free***_

_**Get out of here you scamp! You had your turn!  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Ten: Oz &amp; Pancakes<br>**

**Day Eighteen**

****Selina****

All morning he sat quietly in her corner arm chair by the window in her living room, fingers templed, resting against his chin. Miss Kitty was curled up on his lap, purring away contentedly.

The coffee she set down for him went untouched, the waffles too.

She perched on her sofa, flipping through her magazine and watched him over the top of it. Still feeling a little sick from the day before, she decided to remain close to home, which meant co-habituating with a silent, contemplative Riddler. She didn't mind, Eddie had two extreme emotional ranges, light hearted and playful Eddie and quiet, brooding Riddler.

Finally, by noon, as she set a tuna sandwich in the spot where his cold waffles sat, he spoke. Softly, but with an air of importance that gave his hushed words authority.

"How will all end?"

She smirked. "Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice."

"That's not exactly what I meant, but I appreciate the reference."

"What do you mean, Eddie?"

His brow twitched a mere flutter of a furrow. "How will it end? When the day comes, how it will end?"

"Doesn't matter how it'll end, Ed. Inevitably we all die." She sat on the ottoman at his feet. "But I don't think it's about the end. Because, like I said, we all die. It's boring, old, done to death. But the things we do during the time between birth and death are what makes our lives unique. I think you should be asking 'how will it be two seconds from now?'. Now eat your sandwich." She ordered, pushing to her feet to take his waffles to the kitchen.

"You're not eating." He pointed out as she walked away.

"I'm not feeling up to it today." She replied.

When she returned from the kitchen, she found him back in his zen-like position, eyes locked on her.

They were shining, electric, but it wasn't the look he got from lust or passion, it was his studious, scrupulous gaze. The one she always wanted to see looking her way.

By now, he had unlinked his fingers and they pushed up to join the two index digits that steepled at his chin so that all of his fingers touched their mate from his opposite hand.

She faltered under the strength of the look. It was something haunting now that she was the object of the gaze and even her solidly built resolve weakened.

Carefully, she moved back to the sofa and sat down, still under his watch.

For a few, uncomfortable minutes, he continued to stare at her while she fought to find something to take her mind off the fact that she was being analyzed by very critical, very perceptive eyes.

And then, after a few minutes, Eddie picked Miss Kitty up off his lap and gingerly set her on the floor so that he could stand.

She forced her nose deeper into the magazine as he moved across the room to ease down quietly beside her on the sofa.

He was so close she could smell him. That scent of his. That old man's cologne matched to perfection with his own scent of old books and lemons, surrounded her, comforted her with it's familiarity.

She put the magazine down and angled herself to face him.

His eyes were still sharp and they were still focused on her and her alone as he angled himself as well, touching her knees with his.

Selina smiled softly. Those long legs of his, they were the silliest things for her to love about him, but at the moment they were suddenly very endearing.

So many men had come into her life. Some of them good, most of them bad, but none of them had Eddie's ability, that sixth sense that only he possessed, that let him know her deepest sins and secrets.

His gloved hand moved across her body, landing lightly against her ribs.

"Selina," he began quietly, seriously.

Suddenly she was scared, she was terrified and Selina Kyle wasn't the sort of woman who scared easily. But his tone, it was unlike any she had ever heard come out of his mouth. Crane had said that once the mystery was gone, Eddie had lost all interest in that other woman, hadn't he? Did something happen? Was her mystery gone for him?

But no, Eddie was pulling her in close to him, her hip slid in tight against his and his arm slipped around her, touching her back lightly.

"Selina, I don't really care about what'll happen two seconds from now." He said, brow furrowed delicately. "All I really want is for you to be here at my side for those two seconds and the infinite number of seconds that could follow. Do you see? When I asked about the end, I left it up to you. My end is forged by your decision."

"My decision?"

"Will you be here beside me in two seconds and the all the rest that may follow?"

A chill raised bumps on her arms. "Jesus, Ed, most men just propose."

"I'm not most men and you're not like most women. We aren't those people, kitten. Now, how will it end? Will you be here by my side until the last?"

She opened her mouth, but didn't get anything out, because someone knocked on her door.

Selina glanced in the direction of her door.

Eddie never took his eyes off her.

Turning back to the Riddler, she smirked darkly. "I'm very interested in what you'll look like when you're older, Ed." She said softly, ignoring the knocking.

His eyes softened to their robin's egg blue and he smiled. She could almost see the tension slipping off his shoulders.

Leaning in she gave him a rushed peck on the lips. "Now scram."

Taking hold of her, Eddie gave her a proper kiss, before pushing to his feet and with one last grin in her direction, he pressed a button on his device and disappeared from her sight.

Selina smiled to herself. "Well, what do you know, Lina. The elf can be romantic…" Wandering to her door, she opened it.

Not even Bruce Wayne could ruin her mild high, as she leaned against the doorframe casually, arms crossed. "Well, what brings you back for round two, Bruce?" She purred.

He beamed at her and held out a flat jewellery box. "Hello, Selina. I just wanted to thank you for accompanying me to the opera the other night."

She eyed the box. "Jewellery?"

He opened it for her proudly.

Selina reached in and pulled out the pearl necklace, letting it drape elegantly from her fingers. "You know _diamonds _are a girl's best friend, Bruce."

"But you like pearls." He pointed out.

"Hn, thanks for the pearls." She pocketed the necklace in her jeans and closed the door on Bruce Wayne.

Smiling smugly to herself, she locked the door and moved back into her living room. She hated to be such a bitch, but Bruce needed tactless rejection sometimes. After all, she liked the man, but he had an ego that could rival Eddie's at times.

Her rear was hovering over her sofa cushion, about to sit when the ear piercing wail of a car alarm shrieked up at her window from the street.

Curious, she wandered over to the window to peer down.

Bruce raced out onto the sidewalk below to stand beside his Jaguar and the cinderblock that had gone through the window of it.

Selina leapt back from the window as another cinderblock fell past.

Below her window Bruce narrowly leapt out of it's path and looked up.

"Eddie." She mumbled to herself. Who else would it be?

"Act of God." He explained quickly from where he appeared in the corner of her apartment. "But he's a vengeful God." He muttered darkly.

As she watched Bruce try and make sense of his attack, Selina leaned against the wall by the window, close to Eddie's corner, her back to him.

"Eddie?"

"Hm?"

"Do you remember asking me what I wanted? Something you could give me?"

"Of course."

She hesitated. Unsure if it was too big of a demand, that maybe he'd think it was too much.

A hand settled on her hip and circled around to draw her away from the window far enough that he could hold her against him without anyone below seeing. "What can I give you, my queen?"

"It might be asking too much." She confessed.

"If you want it, Lina, then it's yours."

She turned around to face him, inhaling deeply. "How about a home?"

"A home?"

"Not a lair, not an apartment, but an actual house."

Eddie wrapped his arms around her waist and smiled. "It's yours."

"Are you sure it's not too much to ask?"

Leaning down he pressed a kiss to her temple. "Selina, most men may find such a request too difficult to fulfill, but I'm not like most men. I know how fortunate I am and I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy."

"Well, in that case-"

At her wicked look, Eddie pulled away. "A house it is!" He exclaimed, cutting her off before she could make another demand.

* * *

><p><strong>**Doctor Fries**<strong>

The thermostat needed a fine tuning before his device could be ready, but it may have just been his fussy nature. He didn't want it operating at less than ninety percent, even though it was still fully functional at eighty. He didn't want risk anything when it came to the Joker.

Scratching out a record of his work, he didn't notice the two figures who stepped into his basement lab until one of them cleared their throat.

He looked up.

Both the Riddler and the Scarecrow stood by the door, watching him work.

"Come in, gentlemen." He greeted, motioning them close.

The two men approached.

"How are the initial tests, Doctor Fries?" Edward inquired.

"Good, I'm improving them, but they're good." He held up the little device. "Now, you'll only get one shot at each of your targets with this, make sure they get the full dose. It has to hit the artery into the brain, if the solution hit's the heart first it won't work. At best the subject will get a mild numbing discomfort. You need to shut down the brain function first. Understand?"

The two men nodded.

"Once the solution takes effect it'll slow down their bodies to the point of being cryogenically frozen without a tube, at which point you'll have forty minutes to either decide to put them down or let them live."

Taking the device, Crane turned it over in his hands. "What are the long term effects if the solution is administered correctly, but the subject's time runs out and they recover?"

The Riddler furrowed a brow at Crane's question, but said nothing.

Fries smiled ever so. "Ironically enough, they get a sensation likened to a brain freeze, but no long term effects."

"Now, when they're under this they'll be fully aware of their surroundings, correct?" Edward asked.

"Yes. The solution is merely to keep them still, from fighting back, but you said you wanted them to be aware."

"Just the Joker. Harley Quinn is merely a loose end that needs tying." Edward said, eyeing Crane as he spoke.

The Scarecrow handed the device back to Fries. "I'll go check on Ivy's progress…save Edward the trouble."

As the Scarecrow wandered out, Fries wavered his hand at the Riddler questioningly.

"I think he's still undecided. But he won't let me down. He never does." Edward said.

"Do you want Harley Quinn dead?"

The Riddler sighed heavily, resting his hands on his cane. "I want to be able to fly under the radar for a while. If she's going to be a cloudy vein in my diamond then she'll have to be cut from the finished product."

"Just like that?"

"You know how things work around here," he said. "It's dog eat dog. If the Joker has to go, then anyone who'll defend his death will have to go too. Otherwise I'll never get any peace."

"If you want peace, why not leave Gotham behind?"

Chucking, Edward tucked his cane on his forearm and pocketed his hands. "Call me obsessive compulsive - hell all my shrinks have - but I don't like to leave loose ends. I'll be back later tonight for the device. I left the chemicals you wanted as payment in your study."

"Thank you, Edward."

"No, thank you, Doctor Fries. It's always a pleasure working with you."

As the Riddler moved towards the door, Fries called out. "Edward? Don't force Crane to kill her if he doesn't want."

The Riddler smiled. "Everyone assumes I'm a monster of a man." He said. "But no one ever wondered why I asked for you to prepare only one cryogenic tube."

Fries frowned. "I assumed it was a trophy case for the Joker."

"It isn't. It's something that will allow Jonathan more time if he needs it."

* * *

><p><strong>**Ivy**<strong>

When Crane traipsed in, his face was drawn, eyes dark.

Ivy watched him march all the way up the aisle in her greenhouse, before speaking to him.

"You look terrible." She greeted.

"I always look like this." He replied dourly.

She smirked.

At her hip Victor garbled happily and stretched a little arm out to the newcomer. She was seriously going to have to train her son to be less eager to meet and greet new people.

"You know they have cages for babies now, Pam." Crane pointed out. "You don't have to tote him everywhere on your hip like a pioneer woman."

Ivy smiled at her boy. "We were learning the Latin names for all the species of mistletoe, weren't we?" She cooed to her son.

Victor pat a hand on her breast.

"You should teach him the hard way just how poisonous the parasite can be." He said.

Quirking a brow, Ivy chose to ignore his remark. "What do you want, Jon?"

"Edward wants to know if you're ready for tomorrow night."

"Yes. Tell him not to worry about me, it's you that has the shaky trigger finger." She replied.

He scowled darkly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"Never let your son watch The Wizard of Oz." Crane stated suddenly.

Ivy, thrown by his tangent, was almost tempted to follow it out of curiosity over the randomness of the comment. She weighed whether to allow him to change the subject or not. "Why?" She asked, finally giving in.

"You know how many Freudian interpretations of sex experts have found in The Wizard of Oz? Too many. It's a smut film and the book is even worse."

She snorted at the idea, but when she really pondered what Jonathan Crane had just said and too whom he said it and just how random the comment was, she turned her snort into a full on laugh. Ivy laughed so hard she had to hand Victor off to the sullen Scarecrow in order to laugh properly without dropping her boy.

Crane sullenly held the boy, scowling at Ivy's reaction. "That wasn't a joke."

Sighing, she gathered her senses and calmed. "Oh, Jon honey, why don't we spend more time together? You make me laugh."

"I wasn't trying to," he said.

"I know. That's half the reason why it packed such a powerful punch." She replied. Taking her son back from the tall man, she smiled. "Thanks, though. I needed that."

He thrust his hands into his pockets. "I'm going home now."

"Say 'goodnight', Gracie!" She called after him.

"I wasn't being comical!" He shouted back.

Chuckling softly, Ivy turned back to her table with Victor. "Smut film…" She muttered to herself.

* * *

><p><strong>**Edward**<strong>

"Pancakes aren't really a supper dish." He said.

She inhaled the plate of fluffy blueberry pancakes and smiled serenely. "So what? If I want to serve them with a large side of bacon I will."

Across the dinner table from her, the Riddler smiled almost proudly. "It was nice of you to cook. Thank you."

"I know. I expect you to do the dishes in gratitude."

"You have a dishwasher." He pointed out.

She gave him a devilish look. "I didn't mean 'doing the dishes', Ed. I meant,_ doing the dishes_."

"Ah, sex. Well…how lovely." Picking up his fork, he gestured at her politely. "You have your appetite back."

"Mm-hm, sort of. I was craving pancakes." She said, popping a forkful of pancake into her mouth.

He watched her as she chewed blissfully, a small twinkle in his eye.

"You're not eating." She growled, as she finally came back from her moment of pancake-zen.

Edward smiled winningly at her. "I'm enjoying you enjoying your meal, my dear."

Selina gave him a smoky look from under lowered lashes.

It amazed Edward that a simple look from her would go unappreciated by any other man, but that he seemed to know just what she was thinking with a mere glance. It was almost like he had been given a manual that gave him the key to her facial patterns.

For instance the one she had just given him was a slightly scolding, mild warning that she wasn't in the mood for his tormenting.

He chose to ignore it, in favour of pushing her buttons in the hopes of getting her perturbed, mock anger look.

"Maybe it's the romantic overhead pendant lighting bouncing off the golden flapjacks, but you've never looked lovelier, kitten." He said.

There it was, that look of hers, the one he was aiming for.

Edward chuckled softly. "Of course, nothing turns me on more than that ugly sweater of yours."

The corner of her mouth where that 'hidden kiss' lived, quirked ever so and she glanced down at her plate almost shyly. "It's comfy, Ed."

"I wasn't teasing you, love." He said. "I adore that sweater. You were wearing it that day in the park, do you remember?"

"Of course. I don't remember what I was wearing, but…I remember the day." She took another bite of pancake. "We were eating pancakes as well that day."

Edward still hadn't touched his meal, he was too busy watching the drama play that danced across Selina's beautiful features. She was living art, the smallest twitches and finest movements of her facial muscles gave her spirit that he had never seen in another human being before.

Reaching out he lightly brushed her hand with his. "After dinner, kitten, will you sit and read to me?"

She smiled. "Why?"

"I'm not sure. Why don't you read to me and we'll find out why."

That softness her face had disappeared and those muscles tightened as she tensed up. Edward could see her mind working. That well oiled machine that he admired calculating and thinking, and then she spoke again.

"You're going after the Joker soon, aren't you? That's why you've been tying up loose ends here. This morning and…the way you're talking now."

"Kitten," he began, "let's not discuss business at the dinner table."

"Are you thinking you'll die?" She asked.

"No." He stated firmly. "I'm just…I just want to enjoy tonight with you."

"In case you die?" She snarled.

Sighing, Edward poked at his pancakes. "Selina, I might die, but I've taken every precaution to ensure I won't. Since when do you worry so much about me?" He teased.

Once more that poetic face of hers shifted, the smallest shift. Her brow furrowed gently between her perfectly shaped, midnight kohl brows, her mouth pulled straight at the corners.

Edward smiled. Of course he knew what she was saying without her ever uttering a word.

"Okay, kitten, you're going to try and tail me anyways, I may as well let you tag along."

"Gee, thanks." She replied, her features even again.

"But you'll watch from afar, understand?"

She nodded.

"And you'll only step in if it looks like I need your help. Okay?"

"I'm your back-up." She said.

Reaching out, he brushed his knuckles just under her chin lightly. "You're my partner, kitten."


	11. Blemishes & Bugs

**_Okay, first! Before I thank my wonderful reviewer's, I must apologize for being gone. I couldn't help it. Denmark called up and when Denmark calls, you go out and get it started. You know? Anyways, I'm back and I'm sick and it's all my fault for being less awesome then Denmark and not being able to handle the sheer awesome that is Denmark.  
><em>**

**_Hush2.0 - Just because you enjoyed them so much, the following scene is for you!_**

**_NURSE J0Y - Dang it! I just rushed Finland out of my trap, now Norway...*sigh* Alright, all you Scandinavian countries listen up! I love you! I do! But Sweden owns my heart, because...well they...they just make me happy. It's not you, it's me. There was that one summer when they swam by me, they got a cramp and I ran by them, and got their suit damp...*sigh* Summer days, drifting away...  
><em>**

_**Robot521 - Your review made me giggle. Doing doughnuts in the Riddler's bandwagon seems like a good idea, but just know that his bandwagon is a long, steep slope into the shady grey area of postcard collecting. You heard me.**_

_**rockpunk92 - Your review was fan-fucking-tastic! And Conan O'Brien cares about Finland...and not just because he looks like Finnish Prime Minister Tarja Halonen either.**_

_**me-ladie - Mwaahaha, today it's Riddler/Catwoman tomorrow it's the world, Pinky!**_

_**Violeta27 - Seriously. You'd be surprised how many people find sexual symbols and interpretations in The Wizard of Oz...there's a whole site devoted to it.**_

_**bleedy - Hey, thanks a metric ton (that's .98 of a ton in Imperial if you're into that sort of thing)! I really hope these stories invoke some more closet Riddler/Catwoman fans to come out of the woodwork and put up their tasty little stories...that made me sound like a fanfiction vampire didn't it? *shifty eyes* I'm totally not...**_

_**Renny777 - You want Finland, it's yours! You...you have to actually move there and live there for a while to become a Finnish citizen, then run in an election, then be voted into power before you can be Prime Minister, but...well...it's yours after you do all that.**_

**_SavL7 - Thanks, I'm not Eddie or anything, but everyone enjoys having their ego stroked. And a review from the likes of you is a pretty fancy feather in my cap, I'll tell ya!  
><em>**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eleven: Blemishes &amp; Bugs<strong>

**Day Nineteen: Part One**

****Crane****

It was barely seven in the morning and Crane was already prepared for battle.

Before him lay his costume, his satchel of bombs, his scythe, all spread out on the table, arranged for his inspection.

He wouldn't say he got overly excited before battle, but he certainly looked forward to it. Not so much the fighting, but the fear that came from both sides. It always hung thick over a war torn field like smoke from the cannons and he drank it in like a man lost in the desert.

Crane calmed when others trembled and that was all part of his disease. He was a sick man, and he knew it, but he was a happy man when things turned to tragedy.

Running a finger along the side of his scythe, he studied the finely ground edge.

Across the room a blonde head peeked in on him. It drew back and was joined by a dark head.

He crooked a finger at the Riddler's girls inviting them inside.

They entered together, dressed for the day in their costumes, duffle bags in hand.

"Hey there, professor." Query greeted. "The boss told us to meet him here later, do you mind if we wait around?"

"If you're quiet." He replied.

Echo smiled. "We can be quiet, professor."

Crane watched with mild amusement as the girls settled on the floor and pulled a massive amount of guns, ammunition and cleaning equipment out of their bags. As he went back to organizing his own things, they quietly cleaned their guns nearby.

He wondered how much the Riddler would mind if the Scarecrow took control of the girls' contracts? They could be so beautiful as his own.

Then again Edward wasn't much for sharing.

Glancing up, Crane caught them both eyeing him.

They looked back at their work quickly.

Confused, he turned his back on them. It didn't help, he still felt their eyes on him, boring a hole into his back.

"What?" He demanded.

"We were hoping you'd tell us more about medical oddities while we worked." Nina said.

Sighing, he turned on the girls. "Medical oddities? Why would I tell you about medical oddities when I could be telling you about the side effects of radiation poisoning?"

They beamed at each other and scooted closer, uprooting their entire gun cleaning operation to the base of his chair to clean while he talked.

* * *

><p><strong>**Bruce Wayne**<strong>

Ignoring Alfred who stood at the top of the metal stairs with a tray of breakfast, Bruce moved past him, heading for his command centre.

He had been busy all night putting out small fires the Joker had started (literally they were small fires) and had missed his surveillance post. He was very interested to listen in on all the things he had missed and had recorded while out.

For instance he was very interested to hear what the little bug he had planted among a sea of pearls on a string of them, picked up in Selina Kyle's apartment.

"At your age, Master Bruce, do you think it's wise to miss out on the most important meal of day?" Alfred asked dryly.

Bruce slumped at his command console. "In a while, Alfred. I have some surveillance to do first."

Slipping on the headset, he sorted through the time log on the screen before him. He supposed it was low of him to spy on her, but he hated the tickling feeling at the base of his skull that told him something was hinky about the whole situation with Selina Kyle. The near death, the flat tires, someone very dangerous was warning him away and if someone dangerous were at his heels, then that meant that someone dangerous was giving him this eerie feeling.

Pulling up the file, he played it.

There was voices, but the pearls were probably too far to catch them.

Bruce filtered the background noise, using a program to sort out the voices from everything else, then enhancing the audio.

_Of course, nothing turns me on more than that ugly sweater of yours._

Furrowing his brow, Bruce turned up the volume on the audio. That voice was eerily familiar.

_It__'s comfy, Ed._

Quirking a brow, he pulled up a file to match the voice, just to double check the validity of his find.

Pulling up a file marked 'Riddler Audio Riddles #274', Bruce placed it above the track he was currently listening to and continued the playback.

_I wasn__'t teasing you, love. I adore that sweater. You were wearing it that day in the park, do you remember?_

The program worked, noting tones, inflections and matching them together.

_Riddle me this, Bat! _The riddle file played as the two audio files synced up. _I am the world, but you can hold me in your palm. Nothing is greater than I, but so easily am I destroyed._

Eventually the files began to merge, creating something oddly enchanting as disjointed words settled amongst their brethren. As the files matched, the program brought up Edward Nygma's file, the words deceased scrawled across his mugshot.

Bruce removed his headphones. No one stayed dead in Gotham, this was old news to him, but if the Riddler had returned why was he biding his time? By this time the man would already be scattering riddles all around Gotham. So why was he keeping to himself?

Of course, it was the suspicious fire at his apartment. Someone had a hand in the 'death' of Edward Nygma. But who? And what the hell was going on?

Nothing terrified Bruce more than a villain acting out of character. When they were predictable it was easy, but this was…this was something else entirely.

Batman hated the idea of the Riddler returning. No villain had ever gotten as far as Edward Nygma in delving into Batman's identity. And as selfish as it was, Bruce breathed a lot easier when he believed the Riddler to be dead, but now...?

Then again, even deeper down, Bruce Wayne was a little disturbed by the fact that the rumours had been true. That somehow Selina Kyle one of the rare, few people who knew his secret, had gotten herself involved in the one man who was able to manipulate and fool people with the greatest of ease.

The woman wasn't a fool, but something bothered Bruce about the fact that Edward Nygma was hanging around her. That silver tongued madman had always been fond of her, but there had to be something more than what was there? Something the Riddler was doing just for himself.

Disturbed from his thoughts by Alfred pushing a glass of orange juice on him, Bruce smirked as the butler took an interest in the man on the screen before them.

"The Riddler, sir?"

"Not as dead as we thought." He replied. Picking up the headset again, Bruce prepared to eavesdrop on the conversation further. If he could figure something out, he could easily prevent the Riddler from rising and maybe save Selina another broken heart.

* * *

><p><strong>**Selina**<strong>

He was already up by the time she woke.

Sitting in the same chair as the day before, in the same position, his face as even, his fingers steepled to his chin in the very same manner as the Riddler of yesterday.

Moving to perch daintily on the couch, she watched him for almost an hour, before the urge to return to her bed called. She just wanted to curl up and nap all day.

Eddie said nothing as she wandered back into the bedroom for a small cat-nap before the night came, but after a few minutes of her lying on her side, she felt the bed dip as he sat beside her.

"Feeling ill?" He asked.

"Tired." She replied simply.

He pulled off a glove and reached a bare hand out to touch her forehead. "You're a little warm, but a touch is hardly accurate."

"I'm not sick," she insisted.

"I think you are."

Stubbornly, she rolled over and out of his reach.

Patiently he moved around the bed to sit at her side once more. "I can't make you do anything you don't want to do, Selina." He said firmly. "But if you're going to insist on following me tonight, I want to stress the fact that I want you to stay out of it unless you really think I need you in the fray."

She ignored him, feeling that there was really no need for her confirm the fact that she had heard him the first time. If he was going to sound like a broken record then all she could do was ignore it.

"Of course you could always just sit this one out, kitten." He added, his tone slow and almost measured.

"What's it going to take to prove to you that I'm okay?" She growled. "Do you want me to get up and do a little dance for you?"

As she moved to sit up, Eddie chuckled and placing his hand on her forehead, pushed her back onto the bed. "Let's not get angry, my dear." He said. "I'm merely pointing out the fact that you seem ill to me." After a pause, he added. "I'm sure if it was anything serious that I should know about, you'd tell me." Sharp, twinkling blue eyes leveled on her. "Wouldn't you?"

She glared at him. "What are you getting at, Ed?"

With a tiny smile, he pushed to his feet, adjusting his tie as he did so. "Nothing at all, kitten. Just speaking in riddles, I suppose. Now get off your well shaped posterior, my queen, and get showered and dressed. We're going out for the day."

Selina's withering look lasted for a few minutes after the Riddler left her room, before she sighed heavily and got up and out of bed, heading for her shower.

* * *

><p><strong>**Ivy**<strong>

Setting Victor down for his nap was one of the most blissful moments of her day and Ivy loved that it occurred at least three times during a day so that she had three chances to do it.

In sleep her son was so beautiful, almost God-like in his perfection.

He emerged from his pod with slate grey eyes, but they were slowly adopting hues of his father's blue in them. But closed they were just a gorgeous. Long lashes brushing his chubby little cheeks, cheeks that were blushed with a soft pink. His dainty mouth was pursed and smooth as crimson silk. She had wanted a girl, but Ivy had come to accept that she wouldn't trade Victor in for anything, he was hers. A perfect little blossom waiting to bloom into a charming boy, then grow into a dashing young man.

Behind her Victor's father cleared his throat politely.

Ivy straightened and turned.

Victor Senior watched her from behind his sub-zero helmet, before motioning them out into the hall beyond the nursery to talk away from the slumbering infant.

She preceded him into the hall.

"He's going to be a handsome man, isn't he?" She asked.

Fries smiled. "I think so."

"And he's smart too, isn't he?" She went on. It was true, with the exception of Victor's unnatural fondness for his Riddler bear, the boy was a clever baby. He looked about at the world with quick eyes that never missed a thing.

"Pam," Fries broke in politely. "It's not my place to say, but…you don't have to follow through with Edward's plans. You don't have to go out tonight."

Ivy shifted. She was never comfortable with being told she couldn't do things.

"I just feel that stirring up trouble with the Joker now may come back to haunt you later." He went on.

"The Joker is dangerous," she agreed. "But that's why I think it's time to put an end to his reign. He's been flitting around Gotham too long and he's too unpredictable. I won't raise Victor in a world where that bastard clown roams the streets."

"We none of us are saints, Pamela." Fries pointed out in his soft, fatherly way.

She nodded and crossed her arms. "Well, believe what you will, but there's an unspoken way of things in the underworld and you know it."

"Is that the reason or are you after the Joker purely because of Harley Quinn?"

Ivy refused to respond to the question. In fact his audacity was downright grating on her nerves.

Fries went on, still in his gentle, but commanding way. "I believe Edward's hubris may be his downfall."

"Then why are you helping him?" She snapped.

"I'm just a blacksmith who provides the tools, there's a difference. You're putting your own life at risk for the Riddler's plans." He spread his hands out. "What if something happens to you? What would Victor do without a mother?"

"Don't tell me what I'm doing is wrong, Doc." She said. "I'm doing it for all the right reasons."

Bowing his head apologetically, Fries sighed. "Then promise me you'll be careful? Don't take any unnecessary risks."

Ivy smirked ever so. "Sure thing, Doc."

* * *

><p><strong>**Edward**<strong>

They took the bus.

He wasn't sure why the urge to take the bus hit him. Public transportation was one of the things he hated most when it came to Gotham.

But they were in their old couple disguise and it seemed fitting that they ride the bus.

Beside him Selina was quiet and Edward wondered if she was feeling ill again.

Turning his head, he studied her quietly.

Even wrinkled, even with her white immaculately curled wig, even with the painted on liver spots, she was beautiful.

He marvelled at what she would look like as an older woman. Selina Kyle would no doubt age gracefully.

Edward imagined she'd become like some faded movie starlet, still glamorous, but with a touch of grey to her. He almost envisioned Selina as a spitting image of Gloria Swanson as she aged, still beautiful, but accepting of the wear time took on her.

If his father was any indicator as to how Edward would age, he imagined he'd be a skinny, shrivelled old miser who had deep scowl lines and watery, cataract filled eyes.

Thinking of his father only brought up the image of the man's death mask. The fear in his eyes, the helpless tilt of his nasty mouth like a gaping fish out of water.

Looking back, he was sure the old man regretted all the things he did and didn't do to his son as the once frightened little boy popped back into his life as a damaged young man just to hold a pillow over his face. It wasn't a clever or all too brilliant way for Edward to kill the monster that had haunted his youth, but it was definitely a liberating moment.

The old man was going to die anyways, cancer had seen to that, but Edward had no real desire to let the bastard die that way. It had to be at his hand.

He remembered calmly striding out of the hospital room while adjusting his tie and smiling at the pretty nurses after the kill. So young and cocky then, wasn't he?

The breaks on the bus screamed like a rusty gate as it stopped short and Edward's arm immediately wrapped around Selina's midsection protectively.

"What's wrong?' Someone asked the driver.

"What happened?" Others repeated.

The driver, an older, heavily made up, but pretty woman turned around in her seat, her face pale. "I think…just everyone remain calm." She pleaded, opening the doors.

Something was up.

As the driver left, everyone looked amongst themselves, before someone at the front who was standing said. "I think the car in front of us hit a cat or something."

Beside him, Selina was on her feet and out the door before the man barely finished speaking.

Edward followed her down the stairs and out. They raced around the car in front of the bus, where both the bus driver and the driver who must have hit the poor thing knelt around it. Both drivers looked horrified and confused.

Selina fell to her knees.

The poor tuxedo cat was alive, but yowling weakly.

Looking up at him with watery violet eyes Selina pleaded. "Do something, Eddie. He's suffering."

Not really sure what to do, he knelt as well, not caring about his disguise. Scratching his chin, he eyed the mass of fur and blood, before removing his raggedy tweed suit jacket. "Here, let's carefully get him into the jacket." He said.

Around them passengers from the bus gathered as well as onlookers from the street.

Reaching out, without any care about the blood, Eddie helped Selina get under the poor thing, moving it slowly, carefully onto the jacket.

"Get a taxi, Lina." He commanded, as he wrapped the jacket around the cat.

The driver who hit the cat spoke. "I'll drive you. A veterinary hospital, right? Where is the nearest one?"

"Go down this street, turn left, pass two lights, then right and I think it's just around there somewhere." Someone from the bus shouted.

Picking up the lump of cat, Edward hopped into the driver's backseat, Selina sliding into the spot beside him.

The entire way to the veterinary hospital, the driver kept repeating. "I didn't mean to. It just ran out."

Edward, holding the cat to his chest to give it some comfort, eyed Selina at his side.

She was pale and drawn and looked frail under all the make-up, eyes zeroed in on the mass in his arms.

When they reached their destination all three raced into the hospital.

Selina slammed the counter with her hand. "We need help! There's a cat here!"

One of the veterinary assistants came out of the back slowly, curiously.

"It's been hit with a car, please hurry?" She shouted.

The assistant motioned to someone in the room they had just emerged from and an elderly vet emerged.

"What's the damage?" He asked, leading them into a back room.

"We don't really know," Edward provided calmly. "We just picked him up and drove over here straight away."

He eased the jacket onto the table the vet motioned to carefully.

Opening the mass of blood and cloth carefully, the vet took a look at the cat with furrowed brows.

"Okay, you'll have to wait in the waiting room while we assess the damage." He said, motioning them out and the two assistants waiting at the door in.

Edward pulled Selina from her spot eyeing the cat and the blood, out back into the waiting room.

He made sure she sat before he took a seat at her side.

The driver lingered nearby.

She was young, perhaps only just got her license, her eyes were wide and watery, her face just as pale as Selina's.

Eyeing the two, he sighed lightly and waited.

After what seemed like hours the vet emerged, he looked grim.

Edward felt Selina's hands slide around his upper arm and squeeze tightly.

"The damage is pretty severe," the vet began softly. "It'd almost be cheaper to euthanize the poor thing than to-"

"If you can save him then goddamned it save him!" Selina growled. "Money doesn't matter!"

Quirking a brow, the vet eyed Edward who between Selina's rage and the young driver's panicked silence, probably seemed like the more rational thinker in the room.

Edward nodded. "We'll pay for the surgery."

"Okay, no time to argue." The man replied, moving back into the room with the cat.

After a few more minutes of silent waiting, Edward noticed the young driver had seated herself far from them and was sobbing almost hysterically. The shock had passed.

He wasn't sure what to do, so he turned to Selina who was glaring at the door where the operation was taking place, almost willing the doctor to save the cat with her mind.

Clearing his throat, he addressed the young woman. "Shouldn't you be in school?"

She began saying something, but it was lost to her sobs.

Trying to find something in common with a teenaged girl, Edward looked about for something to take her mind off the situation.

Unfortunately all he came up with in a veterinary hospital waiting room was animals and he was sure that wouldn't do the trick.

"How old are you?" Selina broke in quietly.

Edward exhaled almost happily. He dodged a bullet.

"Eighteen," she sobbed.

"You just got your license, hm?" Lina went on.

The girl nodded.

She looked a real mess, the kind of mess fair skinned people became when they cried. All ruddy in all the wrong places, enhanced by the pallor of their skin.

"I remember getting my license. My first picture on my license I had a break out and it was right in the middle of my forehead." Selina said.

The girl eyed her, before smiling ever so.

"Then the first time I was caught speeding the cop who pulled me over was super cute and I was so embarrassed about him seeing the photo I didn't even worry about the ticket."

A tiny, cough like laugh escaped the girl and she rubbed at her eyes with the long sleeves of her sweater. "Are you and your husband heading to a costume party?" She asked.

It was only then that Edward realized they were still in their disguises, but using their own voices.

Selina smiled. "Yeah. My sister's turning thirty, she thought it'd be a hoot if we all dressed up like old people."

"That sounds pretty cool."

"My name is Veronica." Selina said.

"Casey."

When both women turned their eyes on him, Edward smiled politely. "Mark."

"So what's your best subject in school, Casey?" Selina asked, keeping the girl's mind off the cat.

"Drama, I guess."

"Do you want to be an actress when you graduate?"

The girl laughed softly. "A dancer, actually."

"Modern or ballet?"

"Ballet. But I like all kinds of dancing, I guess."

Tuning out the two women, Edward eyed a nearby poster for flea dip. He noticed a spelling mistake in the finer print and scoffed in amusement. His relaxing day spent wit Selina was shot to hell, but he could at least walk away with one amusing blip on an otherwise dreary radar screen.


	12. Chloroform & Keys

_**me-ladie - I think Bruce would be a jealous type. He seems like the sort who wouldn't be able to handle being forgotten. Especially for someone who is a nemesis.**_

_**laal ratty - I love when you find one fanfic that is so great you can read and re-read it time and time again. The feeling is so nice. I'm super honoured you think mine is worthy of that treatment. Thanks so much for the review and the kind words!**_

_**SavL7 - I hope you're not done with this pairing? I love your work! Also, I'm tempted to write an Alfred fic where he's the hero for the day. He needs more fan love. ^_^**_

_**NURSE J0Y - I didn't intend for the homage, but I figured Eddie would think logically about the best way to kill a terminally ill man would be smothering him. If it looks like natural causes and the man was terminally ill, then I doubt there would be an autopsy done. Of course all my knowledge of forensic science comes from CSI so...I could be wrong *removes sunglasses intensely* DEAD wrong. Of course if you want to think I mirrored the death of TE's moms, that's alright by me too.  
><strong>_

_**Violeta27 - I'm going on the fact that Bruce has done some slightly questionable things in the past in an effort to keep Gotham safe. I figured he wouldn't like it, but if bugging Lina was what he needed to do, then he would.**_

_**Robot521 - Aw, thanks for caring about me! ^_^ I am feeling a little better. Here's a thank you dance for being such a long standing, loyal reviewer *does the Charleston while singing 'In My Merry Oldsmobile* I only do that for close personal friends, so feel honoured.  
><strong>_

_**JannaKalderash - My first Bat experience was with Lee Merriweather as Catwoman in the 60's movie. She'll always be my Catwoman because of this (I love the other two, I do! Please no one start the great 'Which Catwoman is the better Catwoman' debate!). But Frank Gorshin deserves a lot more love and respect for his role as the Riddler. Not only did he give him the ultimate Riddler laugh, but if it wasn't for Mr. Gorshin saying 'hey guys, how about giving me a suit so I don't have to run around in these tights for the whole movie' then the Riddler as we know him would never have his slick style. Plus the seeds of my love for the Riddler/Catwoman pairing came about when I watched the movie and noticed that the Riddler (I suppose because Frank Gorshin was a gentleman) wrapped his arms around Catwoman's waist when things went to rot in the Penguin's submarine and held her safely against the periscope as people were being thrashed about. Yes. That started my love of the pairing. No one judge me! Yikes, sorry for writing you a damned book...^_^  
><strong>_

**_Sorry for the long author's note today, kids. But these people took the time to review my work and deserve individual attention for their efforts. But here's the chapter! Enjoy! And, hey, do something nice for a stranger today._**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twelve: Chloroform &amp; Keys<br>**

**Day Nineteen: Part Two**

****Harley****

At first her puddin' wasn't too thrilled with her.

She supposed she had the thrashing coming to her. But as Mister J forgave her and soon forgot about the indiscretion she had with the Professor, things went back to normal. It was just her and him against the rotten world and the stupid ol' Bat bum.

Sitting on a crate in the old toy factory swinging her legs idly, she listened to her baby yell at his goons for something they didn't do right. At her feet her hyena's watched the scene, ears perked, tongues hanging from their mouths, flapping as they panted.

Sometimes she missed Professor Crane's quiet ways. Days when her puddin' was all worked up and in a rage at someone, she missed Crane's seemingly passive manner. Still, her baby was pretty fantastic when it came to other things.

He was a marvellous dancer and she really believed that he'd kill that Batjerk some day.

Yet deep down she had secretly hoped that the rumours weren't true, that her baby didn't kill Crane out of jealousy. She wouldn't want Jonny to die just because she was silly enough to kiss and hold him. It wasn't done with any cruel intentions. She honestly liked spending time with the Professa, she just knew it wasn't a choice between him or her puddin'. When it came down to that, Mistah J always won. He was the 'It' the flappers always talked on about.

And it wasn't just Jonny she missed. Since Mister J came back, Harley wasn't really allowed much time to herself to go and visit with Pam or Lina and she missed that. They had a lot of fun. Plus, Harley sighed heavily, she missed Mister E. She liked his voice, it comforted her like a father's would. And he always knew the right thing to say or what to do. She liked that about him.

_But Mistah J is perfect! _She decided firmly.

Across the room her puddin' jammed a needle of acid into a goon's eye and the man dropped writhing in pain as the acid ate away at the inside of his skull.

It was a shame, Harley thought, that goon always shared his candy with her.

"Oh, Harley?" Her baby sing-songed.

She leapt off the crate and over her pets. "Yeah, Mistah J?"

He looked absolutely pleased with himself as she hustled over and thrust a brightly wrapped gift at her.

"For me?" She asked.

"No, you idiot, it's a bomb. I want you to deliver it to the corner of seventh and McKay."

Harley eyed the gift. "Okay, sure thing."

* * *

><p><strong>**Selina**<strong>

It was nearly six by the time they had got back to her apartment.

The vet said he would call when the surgery was over, but said until then to just go home and get some rest.

She was just glad the poor thing survived the accident, but she still hoped it made it through the surgery. Cats kind of were more than just her calling card, she knew that from a young age. They were so much like her at times, that it was almost as though they were the same species.

Throwing her old lady costume onto the chair in the corner of her bedroom, she changed into her silk robe and headed out into the kitchen to make some tea. Passing by the front hall table where Eddie's letter sat, she paused.

He had returned to his lair to change and prepare for the upcoming war.

The envelope sat innocently on the table like a bill or any other common piece of junk mail.

For some reason the incident with the cat hung over her head. She wasn't superstitious, but for days she had felt that maybe this move against the Joker wasn't going to end well, that the cat was an omen of sorts.

It could just have been the fact that the Clown Prince of Crime always came out on top whenever it came to something like this.

_Don__'t be stupid, Lina._ She thought, picking up the letter.

Throwing it onto the kitchen table, she went about making her tea, hoping a nice, warm cup would sooth her nerves.

Heading towards the door as someone knocked, she opened it without really thinking and came face to face with Bruce, who smiled crookedly at her.

"Hello, Selina." He greeted casually, hands in his pockets.

She smirked. "Bruce. What brings you around? Again."

"Can I come in?"

Worried that Ed might pop back at any second, she blocked the door with her body. "What's up?"

"Let me in and I'll tell you." He replied.

"Tell me and I'll let you in." She replied mischievously.

"Selina, since when are you so cold to me?" He asked with a playful grin. It was that playboy smile of his that fooled all the other bimbo's around town, but it didn't fool her one bit.

"Since you started buzzing around me like a bee to a flower."

He chuckled darkly. "And let me guess, you're beginning to get suspicious."

"Once in a blue moon is a rare thing, but twice before the moon's even waned, is a rather curious occasion for Bruce Wayne to turn up on my doorstep." She said. "A girl begins to wonder."

"And just what sort of flags go up in your head when he comes around?"

Selina brushed a strand of hair off her shoulder. "He? Which he? I have a lot of them."

"But only one lately, isn't it?" Bruce asked, pocketing his hands casually and pushing past her.

She let him into the apartment only because she wasn't sure how to get him out without making him suspicious. Still, she moved him into the kitchen and managed to get Bruce to sit in a chair that faced the corner of her kitchen.

Easing down across from him, she crossed her legs.

"So, you found out, huh?" She asked.

"I wasn't expecting it." He said.

"Well, Ozzie has been after me for a long time and I thought I'd give him a thrill for a while." She said, hoping to razzle dazzle him with a gentle push in the opposite direction.

Shaking his head, Bruce chuckled. "And how does Edward Nygma feel about that?"

"Eddie was fun, I'll admit, but a girl can't go on in life without someone to keep her bed warm…and since he's stone cold and six feet under, I guess I needed a new option."

"Don't play this game, Selina. You and I are both too smart and too old for it."

"How smart do you think I am?" She purred. "After all, if you think I'm so smart, don't you think I'd be smart enough to know what's good for me? You coming here just proves to me that there's no trust left between us anymore. You did come here because you think I'm, what? In cahoots with someone?"

"Can you blame me? Edward Nygma fakes his own death and you're keeping very close company with him from what I've heard. Which makes me worry about your mental state."

"He's dead, Bruce."

"No." He stated firmly. "He isn't. And I'm beginning to wonder why you're protecting him..."

"You bugged me, didn't you?"

"I had to know."

"That's low, even for you."

"You know my reasons." He stated. "All one million of them."

"I think it's time you left." She said.

He furrowed his brow delicately. "I don't want you to make the same mistake you made when you were young. I don't want you falling for the wrong man."

"I'm a big girl, Bruce. And what you forget is that I'm not a perfect beacon of humanity like you, I still use my claws whenever and wherever I feel like. If you want an angel, then go sniff around those society girls because I will never be that girl you want. And coming around here to discredit the men I choose to spend my time with is just a sleazy tactic."

"Selina this isn't about-"

"I think it's time you went, Bruce." She said, getting to her feet.

He followed suit politely, and trailed after her to the door. "He's a master of manipulation! What do you think he's playing at with you, Selina? When has Edward Nygma ever shown any loyalty to anyone?"

"Never. But don't you think I don't know that? Again, how smart do you think I am?" She wrenched the door open for him.

"Selina," he said, pausing at the threshold. "Just…promise me you'll be cautious?"

"Goodbye, Bruce."

Shutting the door on him, she leaned back against it. In a way Bruce was right, in another he was dead wrong. She just wasn't sure which was which about what.

* * *

><p><strong>**Edward**<strong>

After popping up around the city, he eventually found his girls in the Scarecrow's lair, listening to the blowhard as he went on about the Spanish Inquisition.

Not really in the mood to let Crane go on about torture devices and on a bit of a schedule, he interrupted the session by clearing his throat.

His girls leapt to their feet.

"Boss!" Query exclaimed. "Is it time?"

"Soon. Could I speak to you for a minute, girls?"

They both exchanged a glance, before joining him in the corner.

Edward watched as Crane made himself busy conveniently within hearing distance, but ignored it.

"What do you need, boss?" Echo asked.

"There's a little matter I need you girls to handle for me. It's a delicate operation, but a very important one. There can be no foul-ups."

The women beamed at him.

"What do you need, boss?"

* * *

><p><strong>**Selina**<strong>

Sitting at the table in her kitchen, she went through about two years of serious interactions with the Riddler.

She knew it was just torturing herself, but she analyzed every look, every word Eddie had ever said to her. Bruce couldn't be right about Eddie manipulating her. What would he be using her for? There was nothing she really did for him. There were no benefits to having him in her bed.

Still.

His words stuck with her. They couldn't have come at a worse moment.

Running a finger over the envelope he had given her, she wondered if it could possibly hold something important. If it was really something he wanted her to have in the event of his death or if it was just a charming line he had given her to win her trust.

She scoffed, with her luck it was probably another goddamned listening device. After all, it bulged a little in the centre, something was there that wasn't just a note.

Running a sharp nail under the slit, she opened the envelope.

Eddie would be back soon, but she was curious. If what he had given her gave her any clue to his loyalty, if the letter was kind, sweet, perhaps with a touch of Eddie's neurotic charm then he actually cared, but if it was cold, distant instructions on what to do in the event of his death, then she was just some woman he kept around for a later purpose.

If it was nothing at all. Then it was a decoy.

But it wouldn't be. It couldn't be. There was something there.

Pulling out the note inside dragged a key out with it, and it clattered on the tabletop.

Ignoring the key, she flipped the note over.

_Where first and last blood was spilt and the boy reborn, the Princely fortune rests at the feet of Queens. Bring together ten knights of the highest order, five bards to sing our praise and thirty-two Lords and Ladies with which they shall dine, they__'ll meet where the magnolia's never grew, but are championed forever._

She turned the note over hoping there was more on the other side. It wasn't cold, she supposed. It was pure Eddie, but not cold. It was a message of sorts.

Picking up the key, she studied it.

It was small, a lock box key perhaps? Some sort of security box or something like that. Padlock?

Both the note and the key were pocketed as she heard footsteps in her hall.

Eddie was back.

Pushing to her feet, she didn't even get turned around when a rag was placed over her mouth, she felt herself falling backwards, caught by a pair of strong arms before she hit the floor.

* * *

><p><strong>**Harley**<strong>

Proud of herself for successfully delivering the gift, she skipped along towards the toy factory, her babies tugging at their leashes and snarling at the world.

She hummed, happy that her puddin' would be excited to hear about her success.

The hyena's were caught up in some vines before Harley could even react and she spun around to find a figure behind some old crates standing in wait.

"Red? Is that you?" She demanded. "Let my babies go!"

Ivy chuckled and emerged from the crates. "Those mutts are vermin." She purred.

Harley fisted her hands and placed them on her hips. "They are not!" She snapped, before turning sunny again. "Whatcha doin' here?"

Releasing the beasts, Ivy only stepped back a little as they strained on the ends of their leashes for her. "I thought we could go out for dinner or something."

"It's kind of early." Harley argued. "I just had a late lunch." She beamed happily remembering the gelato she bought off a street vendor. "It was delicious!"

"Let's meet somewhere. Say the Iceberg at eight?"

"I can't. Mistah J is gonna have me running circles all night." She said. "How about tomorrow. I think I can skip out for a bit."

"To hell with the Joker, Harls! Don't let him tell you what to do!" Ivy growled.

Harley frowned. "I'll have you know, I'm much more assertive with him now. He doesn't own me anymore!"

"Then leave him. Tonight, now!" Grasping Harley's arm, Ivy tugged her in the direction of the street. "Go and just…never come back. Okay?"

"Red, yer bein' strange."

"I'm not. I'm just sick of him beating you down, Harls."

"Aw, he doesn't beat me down much. Only when I do somethin' stupid. Sometimes I do and I know it. He keeps me from being silly, I need that sometimes."

Harley watched as Poison Ivy frowned, her face looking like it was pained or something worse. "What about Crane?" She suggested. "He never hurt you."

"Yeah, and I almost fell off the top of city hall with him! I was being stupid and almost fell, Mistah J keeps me from doin' things like that." Harley argued. "Geez, Red, yer actin' crazy."

Pam's face smoothed again and she managed a small, cold smile. "You're right. I think…maybe I just miss spending time with you."

Harley beamed widely and leapt at her friend for a hug. "I miss ya too!" She wrapped her arms around Pam tightly and giggled.

"I'm sorry, Harls." Pam whispered. "But you can't go home tonight."

Harley pulled away with a frown, but the world spun and she blinked away the sting of powder as it was blown into her face from Ivy's hand. It was something the woman had concocted, but it was unknown to her.

"Ya cheated, Red." She muttered, before slumping against her friend.

* * *

><p><strong>**Crane**<strong>

Instead of going back to wherever he kept himself, Crane noticed that Edward Nygma sat himself in his wing back chair and brooded.

Checking his watch, it was about four to six. Another few hours until the attack, another few hours until they made the first and hopefully last move on the Joker.

Still, he wasn't sure he liked Edward just moping about behind him. It was too much of a distraction.

Turning away from his work, Crane studied his friend.

The Riddler was slumped in the chair gracefully, a long leg hooked over the arm, the other stuck out diagonally, but straight on the floor. His hands were resting over his tie and his hat was tilted, but he was definitely awake and he was definitely brooding.

"I hope she beats you senseless, when all is said and done." Crane said.

Pushing up his hat, Edward scowled a little. "It had to be done."

"Well, you can explain that to her when she's got your neck in her claws."

Settling back under his hat, Edward growled. "She was determined to tag along."

"And…?"

"Nothing."

Quirking a brow, Crane pushed out of his chair. "Nothing? Now, come on, Edward, you're never so monosyllabic. What else is forcing you to keep her from this raid?"

"Crane, one of these days you're going to pick the wrong brain and you'll end up at the bottom of the bay." Edward stated firmly.

Kneeling at his friend's side, Crane smirked proudly. "What could possibly make you decide to kidnap Selina Kyle to keep her from giving you capable back-up? I don't think you'd keep her out of the game if she was anything but…" he paused, mind working. Then he chuckled darkly, almost cruelly. "Oh…didn't I warn you against getting her in such a way, Eddie?"

The Riddler pushed his bowler up to glare at the man beside him.

"I think you have everything you deserve coming to you." Crane gloated. "After all, that is the risk a man takes when taking up with a woman on the cusp of middle age. They begin to realize, at that age, that soon things will dry up and that all hope for a continuation of the bloodline will be lost." Flashing the Riddler a sick, almost twisted grin, Crane went on. "Did you get the girls to kidnap her so that you could do something about her condition? Forcible termination of an unwanted guest?"

"It's not that." Edward replied simply. "It can't be that. Believe me, measures were taken."

"Ah, but you think it is that. Don't you?"

The Riddler was silent.

"Deep down in that cranium of yours, you just know." Crane dropped the smile. "After all, there must be a reason why you'd deny a good fighter like Selina Kyle the chance to lend one more hand to the death squad. You're too intelligent to let her just sit this one out and you're not a chauvinist like the rest of us. You'd let your own mother fight if she were still alive."

When Edward continued to remain passively silent, Crane chuckled.

"Let me know what it's like in a year, hm? All the gory details…"

The Riddler continued to slumber under his hat.

"I feel pretty good right now." Crane said. "I didn't do anything, but somehow I feel accomplished. Not as accomplished as you, mind."

"I hope you have ten of them." Edward hissed.


	13. BatRiddler & Poison Harley

**_me-ladie - Yeah. Not only should one pay their respects to Frank Gorshin, but I believe Mr. Burgess Meredith deserves a lot of love for his portrayal of the Penguin. I may or may not have had a slight crush on him as a child...yes, the Penguin. You heard me. Don't judge. ^_^ Seriously, don't let me tell you about the man, look him up. He was a pretty cool guy. Also, he was in Grumpy Old Men and Grumpier Old Men, which were pretty good movies...*nerd* *sigh* Also, Rocky...I guess...if I have to include it...*grumbles something about boxing not being as good as a movie about old men who are grumpy*  
><em>**

**_Robot521 - People are much easier to manage when they're out cold. *shifty eyes* I'd imagine. *clears throat*_**

_**NURSE J0Y - Hey, shouldn't you be out writing more awesome Riddler/Catwomen fics instead of reviewing this old turd? LOL!**_

_**laal ratty - I agree. Batman does have very black and white thinking when it comes to things such as villains being redeemed etc. I always found he was pretty set on the whole thing. Plus he's Batman, he can't understand shades of grey. It's why him and Lina would have never worked.**_

_**Violeta27 - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You dolt you missed all the subtle clues... (It's okay she's muh friend!) But seriously Vi, I love ya! Let me try this... *cwtch* Is...is that right? *feels like a dolt as well* Also, I kind of love Harley. She's pretty upbeat for a villain, which is kind of a refreshing change. I just hate that punk she hangs out with...**_

_**JannaKalderash - In response to your PM, I shall share this with the world because it was a good point. Janna pointed out that I said something about Frank Gorshin and the Riddler's suit in regards to the old Batman movie. I can't say if I'm wrong for certain (I usually am), all I can say is this. The movie was in talks before the first season started, but wasn't actually filmed until the point in between the first and second seasons. I can't recall if he actually wore a suit in the pilot because I haven't watched the old show in years or if he brought the subject up during the talks for the film or show, but if it's important to everyone else go and look into it, I'm sick and lazy. Just don't be a know-it-all jerk and neener neener at me in the reviews if I'm mistaken. A gentle correction is always kind. (I swear, with my fever boiled mind if I get one neener neener I will kill the Riddler and all things you love in this story!) *shakes head* Whoa, just blacked out there...what happened? Anyways, thank you Janna for bringing this up. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if something like that had gone un-noted, it is fairly important. If I'm wrong, I apologize for offending anyone. If I'm right? Meh.  
><strong>_

_**rockpunk92 - Your review seriously made me laugh for ten minutes. 'Oh Eddie you sly boy. Dont you know nothing in Gotham is safe? Not even Selina's womb!' That part. Right there. Comic gold.**_

_**bleedy - I'm sorry I write so fast. I can slow it down if you want. Put out a chapter a month or something...^_^ But in all seriousness, the Joker is a jerk. I have no soft spot in my heart for him. Could be because he's the main villain and has been done to death. You kind of get sick of that kind of thing. (Hey, Hollywood, enough Joker, huh?)**_

**_9aza - Embrace the Lina/Eddie pairing...you know you want to. All the cool kids are. With the exception of myself (who'll never be cool no matter how many pairs of sunglasses I put on and take off) and that poor sucker in that country who doesn't love me. (You broke my heart, Sweden.)_  
><strong>

_**I felt like a psycho-killer (qu'est-ce que c'est) looking up how long chloroform takes to wear off and what the side effects are. So enjoy this chapter while the FBI looks into my background...I hope it was worth it...  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Thirteen: BatRiddler &amp; Poison Harley<br>**

**Day Nineteen: Part Three**

****Fries****

"Well, I can't keep my mouth shut this time." He said, watching as Ivy strung the young Harley Quinn up by her vines in the back of the greenhouse.

Ivy ignored him, working feverishly to bind and conceal the young clown.

In his arms his son wiggled and babbled gleefully.

"I mean, really Pamela, this is a bad idea."

"I don't care." She growled.

"You're raiding the Joker's factory in two hours. Don't you think that when the others arrive, they'll find her?"

"That's why I'm hiding her, Fries." She replied. "Unless someone rats me out?"

Victor held his free hand up innocently, the other thickly gloved hand holding his son to his chest.

Commanding her plants to grow in thick around the blonde clown, Ivy moved out of the brush with Fries at her heels.

"Don't you think they'll notice her missing when the dust settles? She is Crane's sole reason for heading into this fracas." He said.

"To hell with Crane!" She snarled, turning on him. "He had his chance to protect her! Now it's my turn and I'll do it by killing that smiling son of a bitch!"

In his arms Victor junior wriggled and began to mewl in discontent at his mother's tone.

Fries wrapped his both of his arms around his boy to calm him.

"Everyone has their reasons, don't they?" He said. "You want the Joker dead and so does Crane, Edward has a wounded pride to repair with revenge and I'm looking out for the best interests of my son. But what about Harley? She's a grown woman. Hasn't anyone ever cared what she really wants?"

"She's sick, she doesn't know what she wants."

"We're all a little sick in the head, Pamela. Why do you think we do what we do?"

"Yeah, and the Joker's the sickest one of us all. He needs to die. You can't go anywhere in Gotham without him blowing it up in your face or shooting wildly at it. We all have our moments, but lately his have been sporadic and ultra-violent. When a dog becomes mad, you put him down."

"And you're putting him down, because he's a threat to the innocence of Gotham or because he's a threat to your love life?"

With a sharp glare, the woman turned and marched off into the leaves of her homegrown jungle. Leaving Doctor Fries to stare after her in monk-like silence.

* * *

><p><strong>**Edward**<strong>

He checked his pocket watch.

It was five minutes past eight. Time to prepare.

All day he had saved his energy. He wasn't so vain that he thought he could take on the Joker as casually as he used to take on the Bat. In his soon-to-be early middle age, he was beginning to feel that a good fight should come after a long nap.

Crane bitched and griped the whole time Edward lounged in his lair, but the Scarecrow be damned, he was resting up in a space that wasn't the size of a Chinese take-out box.

Slipping out of the chair, Edward adjusted his long form as he rose.

Across the lair from him Crane's pale eyes flickered up from his book.

"Is it time?"

"Yes."

With a sick grin, the skinny man rose to his feet as well, long, spidery limbs unfolding from his position on the floor against a bulkhead, the book was placed on a nearby crate.

Pressing the reset button on his handy little stolen device, he sighed. "I'll be back for you once I'm changed."

Crane chuckled cruelly. "I've been waiting all week to see you in a bat-cowl."

Furrowing his brow at his companion's comment, Edward left the ship behind with the use of his little toy.

Arriving in his 'lair' he removed his tie and cautiously went to the garage door. Beside it he opened the regular door and found Query waiting there for him smoking against the building across from his.

He motioned her inside quickly.

Stamping out the cigarette before ducking under his arm as he held the door for her, she beamed.

"It went well?" He asked, removing his jacket.

"Sure did. You popped us in and we nabbed her. Boy, it's sure disorienting being in one place and then another so fast."

Hanging his jacket up on a shelf, he turned to eye her. "You nabbed her gently I hope?"

"Yeah. We gave her the ol' stink rag and she plopped into my arms like a white collar at a team building exercise." She said.

Tugging off his gloves, the Riddler nodded. "I hope that doesn't cause any long term effects..."

"Nah, she'll be fine."

He wasn't really talking about the cat, but anyways. "And where is she now?"

"Tied up in our basement."

Chuckling, he tossed his purple kid gloves onto his workbench and hung his head, still grinning to himself. "She'll love that."

"She's gonna be pissed when she wakes."

"I can't imagine she'd be pleased." He said, setting his cufflinks beside his gloves.

"Uh, boss?"

"Hn?"

"Why'd you have us kidnap her anyways? Does she have information or something?"

Edward unbuttoned his shirt quietly, before muttering. "Something." He noticed the woman still standing beside him and quirked a brow, hand pausing at his fifth button. "You can go now, my dear."

She beamed impishly. "Spoilsport."

"And, Diedre?"

The woman stopped at the door.

"She's not to be harmed under any circumstances. Understood? If that kitty gets hurt, my girls will both be in very big trouble."

She saluted him. "Gotcha. Easy on the kitty."

* * *

><p><strong>**Ivy**<strong>

"I just feel like a damned fool."

Looking up from where she was stroking a blossoming orchid, she found the most wonderful pair wandering down her greenhouse alley.

One was the Scarecrow, nothing different there. He was wearing his burlap and carrying his scythe, but the other was his extreme opposite. Dressed in heavy black moulded armour embossed with a bat symbol, the other man's face was obscured by a bat-cowl, but the frown was very clear on the lower half.

She laughed mockingly. "I think my life is complete. I can die happy now."

"You know," the Bat spoke in a voice very similar to the Riddler's. "I should be treated with a little more dignity from you two. After all, I'm dressing up like an idiot just to bring Gotham a little peace and quiet."

"Oh, Ed. Don't you know by now all you'll get from me is disgust and contempt?" She purred.

"Like you're so great," he snapped, tugging at the high collar on the bat suit. "This thing is restricting."

Tilting his mask, the Scarecrow spoke, his tone was flat as usual, but tainted slightly by something almost akin to amusement. "Do the voice for her."

"No, you can both go to hell." Eddie stated, tugging at the suit in places where the armour was replaced by cloth.

It was only when the Riddler got a bat-glove caught on a piece of bat-armour that Ivy lost control of her dignity and began a deep belly laugh at his struggles to free himself. Deep down the creepiest part of it all was how much he actually could pass for the Bat, if it wasn't for that know-it-all tone of his or the fact that his jaw wasn't as square, she could have imagined it was Batman having suit difficulties.

"Do I have to go over the plan before we get underway?" Edward asked. "One final go over for the cheap seats?"

"Wouldn't hurt. I don't want Crane stepping on my lines." Ivy said.

The Scarecrow's mask angled in her direction. "Afraid I'll upstage you?"

"Nobody upstages me, Jon."

Crane mumbled something under his breath and she glared at his stupid mask.

"What was that?"

The burlap face cocked to the left. "I said 'Selina Kyle can upstage you on her worst day'."

"I agree. Selina and Ivy in a room, Lina wins it every time." Eddie broke in.

"She has that certain je ne sais quoi." Crane added.

Eddie nodded. "It's the eyes, her eyes have it."

"Compared to Selina, Ivy's a north woods lumberjack."

Ivy flashed green eyed fire at the men, and her hand shot out to grab Crane's suit at the throat, yanking him onto the table. "Listen you straw stuffed freak…"

The blade of Crane's scythe pressed against the underside of her chin as the Scarecrow struggled to get free.

She held him cruelly to the table with a smirk, eyeing the Riddler who stood by quietly.

He crossed his arms, unknowingly striking a very Bat-like pose. "If we kill each other, who's going to kill the Joker?" He asked.

"Just give me a few more seconds, I think I can get him to pass out." She replied, still holding the Scarecrow down by his throat.

"I'm tempted to see where this is going, but let's leave it for later." Eddie said. "Right now, business."

Reluctantly releasing the Scarecrow's windpipe, Ivy moved back slowly as he recovered. As she anticipated a scythe was pointed in her direction threateningly.

"Try that again and I'll bring a pestilence of ergot down upon your empire!" He croaked.

Folding her arms, she smiled serenely at him from across the table.

* * *

><p><strong>**Harley**<strong>

It was never a good thing when you woke up bound tightly.

But as she took in the situation, Harley realized that she knew these vines. There was only one person in all of Gotham who had vines like the ones stringing her up and Ivy would never hurt her.

Well, with the exception of drugging and kidnapping her.

Wriggling about in her cradle of plants, she tried to figure out just what she did that made Ivy angry, when she heard voices on the other side of the thick forest of plants.

"She has that certain je ne sais quoi."

Harley's blue eyes widened. That was her Professa, even though it was mumbled, she knew that voice anywhere.

_What the heck is goin' on? More importantly who the heck is he talkin' about? It better not be another woman!_

"It's the eyes, her eyes have it."

Harley frowned. _That sounds like Mistah E, but everyone knows he's dead…although it is Gotham, no one ever stays dead here._

Slumping against her restraints, she sighed into the gag.

"Compared to Selina, Ivy's a north woods lumberjack."

Taking exception to the fact that Crane wasn't even talking about her, Harley scowled at the wall of plants between her and the voices. She heard scuffling, then Ivy's voice.

"Listen you straw stuffed freak…"

There was further sounds of a struggle, then Mistah E spoke. "If we kill each other, who's going to kill the Joker?"

Harley's blue eyes widened and she began thrashing at her bindings. What the Hello, Dolly! was going on?

All she could think of was that cheesy movie with that cheesy line based on a cheesy, boring old play about boring old historical bums. Et tu, Brute? The assassins were plotting and her puddin' was in trouble.

_But Harley_, a rational part of her brain kicked in, _Ivy saved ya from bein' there._

_But she__'s gonna kill Mistah J! They're all plottin'!  
><em>

Another part of her brain, one that hadn't spoken up since her therapy at Arkham spoke up and it spoke very clearly.

_So? The Joker__'s a mook like the rest of them, let him burn._

Harley frowned. This part of her brain hadn't said anything in months.

_But he loves us! Puddin__' keeps us safe!_

_Does he? What was the first thing he did when we went back to him?_

She scowled. Well, he slapped her around a bit. But in his defence she had it coming for cheating on him!

_But why did we cheat on him?_

_Because he__…well he left us. We took the wrap for that gig he pulled and he left town for a while, while we stewed in the clink like a sucker. When we got out, we found the professa sitting dejectedly on a bus bench with a big load of chemicals. Remember? He could barely get his arms around them._

Harley laughed softly at the memory_._ Jonny looked so ridiculous loaded down with those boxes and things._  
><em>

_No_, she stated firmly to that voice. _Puddin' needs us. We have to warn him._

_Don__'t._

_Shut up._

_If we warn him he'll kill all our friends._

_Are they our friends?_

_Ivy is. And Mistah E was never unkind to us. And Crane was a nice guy when we were with him, wasn't he? Remember Christmas with him? All those small gifts he left for us all over the place for us to find? Remember how he complained about all the mistletoe, but never once made any move to take them all down? After all, he was tall enough to do it without a ladder. All he had to do was reach up and tear it down._

Harley stopped struggling. Jonny was a great guy to her. Sure he was surly, but she found that he wasn't nearly as mean surly as her puddin'. No, her professa was more grumpy surly. And they did have fun. They had loads of fun blowing up city hall.

_But we have fun with our baby, don__'t we?_

_Don't we?_

Realizing that they were finishing the plans on the other side of the plants, Harley furrowed her brow. She probably should have been paying attention to those.

_So, what do we do, girl? Do we find a way to get loose or leave puddin' to his own fate?_

_Get down._

_Don't move._

* * *

><p><strong>**Selina**<strong>

Her throat was dry as hell, which was fine, she supposed. A dry throat was nothing compared to the migraine and the fact that she was coming to all tied up to a chair in what looked like a basement.

Smacking her tongue to the roof of her mouth, she tasted metal and knew instantly just what happened.

Chloroform.

Someone had a beef with her.

Investigating her surroundings she realized that the chair she was in was sturdy, but not secured to the floor.

Their second mistake.

Their first was kidnapping her.

Quickly, she gritted her teeth and dislocated her left shoulder. It hurt like hell, but it was something she was used to.

The trick to being a good cat burglar was to know how to get out of sticky situations.

Wriggling her left arm out of the ropes that bound her, gave her enough room to wriggle her right arm out without having to dislocate it as well. Tentatively she popped her left shoulder back into place. It always kind of grossed her out when she had to do it, but it was a nifty little trick she learned from one of her many travels.

Using her free arms to untie her ankles, she noticed her left was a little rusty. Dislocating a shoulder would do that, but that's why she used her left, it wasn't her dominant arm.

Grabbing the sturdy chair as a weapon, she moved to the small basement window and peered out.

The window didn't open, but she was sure she could break it without a sound.

Outside the world was dark. Across the residential street was a small, well kept home flashing back from to the seventies.

"Who the hell kidnapped me? The Brady's?" She snarled to herself.

Curious as to who kidnapped her, she moved up the stairs quietly to listen at the door.

There were no sounds coming from the other side.

Going back down the stairs, she snooped among the belongings for some clue. There was nothing but regular things found in a basement. Except for a locked trunk.

Quirking a brow, Selina studied the trunk. She wouldn't have time to open it.

It looked like her only option was to find out the identity of her captors the good old fashioned way.

Leaving the chair, but picking up a pair of heavy horseshoe stakes from off a shelf, she went back to the door at the top of the stairs and tried the handle. It was locked, which didn't surprise her.

She studied it for a weak point. Usually a well placed kick to the area just by the knob did the trick, but she wanted to know just how solidly built the door was. There was no way in hell she'd break a foot, it'd be embarrassing to everyone, especially her.

Finding the door was older and made cheaply, she smiled and stepped back on the landing.

With the fury of a hellcat, she kicked the door in and leapt into action.

The kitchen she found herself in was empty.

The commotion would no doubt alert her kidnappers, so she moved swiftly to the back door and out into the night.

Circling the house in the dark, she quietly crept onto the front step as she heard her captors voices in the back. She made a note of the house number, before trying the front door.

No one ever suspected the victim of sticking around. If she was lucky her kidnappers were already searching the backyard and alley for her, while she walked back into the house cautiously.

Holding her metal stakes as weapons until she found something better, she moved around the living room quietly. There wasn't much of a personality to the place, but she knew somewhere she'd find a clue as to who drugged her and brought her here.

Voices coming in the back door alerted her and she moved up the stairs quickly and quietly.

"The boss isn't going to be happy, Nin."

"How were we supposed to know how soon she'd come around?"

Crouching behind the dowling of the upstairs landing, Selina peered down as a dark head and a blonde head entered the front hall.

"We'll get the bikes and go out looking for her, she couldn't have gone far."

"Yeah, with our luck she'll be waiting in a bush somewhere to kick our asses." The blonde replied.

There was something oddly familiar about their voices, but Selina couldn't see their faces from her position.

"Just remember if we lay a bad hand on her, the boss will probably kill us and drop us in the sewers." The blonde went on as they skipped out the door.

Waiting a moment to be sure they were gone, Selina stood up and moved into a nearby room.

Immediately Selina thought of Harley when she spied all the things a young college woman would have in her room, but off-set with soft, fluffy creatures on the bed.

She made a bee-line for the framed photo on the desk and picked it up.

In the picture two women draped themselves around one smugly smiling Edward Nygma.

Query and Echo.

"That rat bastard." She snarled, smashing the photo on a corner of the desk.


	14. Fronds, Groanings & Batmen

_**NoSpillBlood - Thanks for the review. That'll make two of us. I always hate ending a story...V_V**_

_**JannaKalderash - Aw...Scarecrow's really working his magic on you, huh? ^_^ *feels the fear***_

_**Robot521 - An angry kitty is terrifying.**_

_**bleedy - Thanks. The best thing I could ever hear is that I'm writing these character's properly. They're not mine, so I really have to live up to their legacy. You know?**_

_**me-ladie - What's always sad is that a lot of people can't see the humanity in these characters. Sure most of them are insane murderers, but there are still human beings inside those murderers. I sometimes feel sorry for villains, they're there just to have a standard with which to compare our heroes to, but people hardly ever try to see the humanity in them. 'They're villains, because they're evil' isn't a good enough reason for me. All of these villains were at one time innocent children who probably never foresaw themselves being what they've become, which is why the Crane I see has a soft side. He may be a bit of a sociopath, but that doesn't mean he can't appreciate someone's company...wow, sorry. Kind of ranted out on you. *sheepish***_

_**NURSE J0Y - Don't give me that lip, missy...you go to your room and write me a five page story that involves Catwoman and Riddler...now! No, you can't have desert, get a move on!  
><strong>_

_**rockpunk92 - Your sense of humour deeply amuses me. I may just check out this recommendation you've given me...**_

_**jacksparrowlovesme - Once you get a taste of this pairing, it becomes like a crippling addiction. Believe me. Why do you think I have to write these stories? Not enough of this pairing floating around!  
><strong>_

_**Violeta27 - Did someone say something about 'happily ever after?'...heh heh...**_

_**Sorry for the short chapter, but it's a powerful chapter, so...hopefully I am forgiven, yes?  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Fourteen: Fronds, Groaning's &amp; Batmen, Lend Me Your Fears<br>**

**Day Nineteen: Part Four**

****Edward****

They stood for a moment on a rooftop overlooking the quiet, innocent seeming factory.

"General Patton would say something inspirational right about now." The Scarecrow muttered.

Poison Ivy quirked a brow. "Eddie's not much of a leader."

Ignoring her, the Riddler stepped closer to the edge of the building. "_Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'entrate._"

Jabbing the handle of his scythe into the gravel of the rooftop, the Scarecrow muttered. "I said 'inspirational'."

Leaning towards the Scarecrow, Ivy whispered. "I don't speak Italian…"

"Well, I'm not as fluent as Edward, but if I know my Dante, that would be it. All hope abandon, ye who enter in." He translated.

"Ah, not that inspirational at all." She said. "More disheartening than anything, really."

Turning back to face them, his ridiculous cape fluttering in the wind, the Riddler beamed almost madly. "If we win this one, everybody gets ice cream."

"How many scoops?"

* * *

><p><strong>**Batman**<strong>

"Any sign of life, Robin?"

_No, but it__'s so damned dark even with these goggles on._

Kneeling on the tall chimney stack of the toy factory, he kept an eye out for trouble.

Since bugging Selina Kyle's apartment, he had taken to keeping a vigil over the one man in Gotham he hated more than anything. It wasn't out of love for the Clown Prince, but because he couldn't knowingly let anyone be murdered. Not in his city. And Edward had mentioned something about getting back at the Joker, but he neglected to give a specific time.

The past few nights were quiet, nothing really of interest, except that Harley Quinn was sent out with a package and he was forced to follow her.

While he remained with the delivered gift to disarm the bomb the Joker had sent, Robin had radioed him that Harley Quinn hadn't returned.

Somewhere between the factory and the playground where she dropped off the bomb she disappeared.

Scanning the night with his night vision goggles, Batman studied the rooftops of the small sheds surrounding the factory.

"Your ten, Robin. Do you see them?"

_Yeah on the roof of the incinerator, looks like__…Poison Ivy…Scarecrow…and you?_

Focusing his goggles, he nodded to himself. "Yeah, that's who I was seeing too. I'm heading in."

_I__'ve got your back._

Touching a hand to his the area of his cowl that covered his earpiece, he spoke. "Oracle?"

_**I**__**'m seeing what you're both seeing, let me just get a good still and clean it up.**_

Pulling out a grappling hook, Batman aimed it at an overpass across the valley of the industrial wasteland that lay between the factory and the incinerator.

_**Can**__**'t really make out a face with that cowl on, but I'm guessing it's your man. That jaw is definitely a match to Edward Nygma's mugshot.**_

"Thanks. Robin?"

_Yeah?_

"I'm moving in first, you wait until I give the signal. I'm going to see if I can't figure out what's going on."

_Gotcha._

Firing the grappling hook across the gap, Batman secured it on his end and attached the pulley to the rope. Before he leapt off from his perch, he pulled a gas mask from a pouch at his side and secured it to his cowl.

He landed in the shadows just behind Ivy as his imposter spoke.

"If we win this one, everybody gets ice cream."

"How many scoops?" Batman asked, emerging from the shadows.

He wasn't surprised when Ivy moved to attack.

Grasping her wrist, he twisted it and pushed her aside.

The Scarecrow hoisted his scythe.

A batarang sliced his hand enough to belay that mission.

"I'm not here to fight you, Crane." Batman stated firmly.

The Scarecrow's mask tilted. "You're awfully bold with those batarangs, you toffed up night rodent."

Batman ignored him, moving across the roof towards the other Batman.

The imposter merely watched calmly as Batman approached him.

"What are you doing up here, Edward?" He snarled.

"What are _you _doing up here, Edward?" His mirror image parroted.

"I have a feeling you're here to kill the Joker. Am I right?"

"I am right."

"Stop that." Batman warned darkly.

Inside the bat suit, Edward Nygma chuckled. "You have to be one of a kind, don't you?" He mocked.

"I can't let you commit murder in my city. You know that."

Tilting his head, the Riddler beamed. "I do. But has it ever occurred to you, Batman, that you'd be so much better off if you just let the Joker die?"

"I can't do that."

Calmly reaching up, the Riddler pulled down a gas mask from where it rested on his brow and secured it over the lower half of his face.

Batman gripped another batarang and sent it flying in the direction of the Scarecrow, but it was too late. The madman got a good swipe in with his scythe.

Leaping back, he found his boots entangled in a mass of vines that were crawling up from the walls, over the roof to wrap around his legs. He fell backwards, becoming entangled in the vines, struggling to tear them off.

A scythe was placed threateningly at his throat as the Scarecrow forced him to look at his grotesque mask. "There there, Batman, calm down. Accept your fears." He crooned sickly.

More vines wrapped around him, as Robin leapt onto the rooftop, knocking Ivy off the one story drop with a kick.

His young sidekick avoided the scythe that was swung his way, ducking down and rolling, cutting the vines away from Batman in the process.

Leaping to his feet, he noticed that while Ivy was busy trying to scramble back up onto the rooftop and Scarecrow seemed intent on his death, the Riddler hadn't moved from his spot. The man just stood by, watching the action quietly.

Robin, in attack mode, only went after things that moved towards him, ignoring the Riddler in the bat suit who simply stood and stared at the scene before him.

"This doesn't concern you, Batman. Don't make a mess of things by sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong." The Riddler said.

"If I knowingly let you kill the Joker, that makes me no better than you." Batman snarled. "I'm not forged that way."

The Riddler nodded. "Have it your way. But just remember I gave you a choice. I only do that once."

Batman was confused as Edward Nygma touched his forearm and a strange device that was strapped there, cleverly disguised as a gauntlet glove.

When the Riddler just disappeared, Batman didn't even have time to protest, when he was grabbed from behind.

Suddenly they were in the middle of a vacant residential street in Little Gotham and Batman whirled around to find the Riddler stepping back and touching his device. Again he disappeared and left Batman alone with an hour drive back to the industrial area of Gotham.

"Oracle?"

**_What the hell happened? Where are you?_**

"If the street signs are to be believed, I'm in Little Gotham."

**_How?_**

The Riddler popped back before him, tossing an unconscious Robin at his feet.

Before Batman could grab the villain he was gone again.

Kneeling, Batman checked the young Robin's vitals. "Do you remember a little toy the Clock King liked to play with?" Robin took something to the back of his head, but he didn't seem to be hurt anywhere else.

**_Nygma got his hands on one?_**

"Yeah. I'm going to need transportation back to the city."

**_I__'ll send the helicopter your way._**

"Thanks. Have it track me, we'll be on the move."

* * *

><p><strong>**Crane**<strong>

"Why'd you just let them go?" Ivy shouted at the Riddler as they gathered themselves once more on the rooftop of the incinerator. "We could have had them!"

Edward ignored her, eyeing the factory before them. With such a serious, studious look on his face, Crane could have easily taken the man for the bat.

Ivy grabbed Edward's arm and forced him to look at her.

Crane remained quiet, watching the two.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Since when do you protect the Bat?"

The Riddler tilted his head. "I would have gladly killed him and his little bird too, Pam. But that's not what we're here for. There's a time and a place for fighting Batman and tonight on the Joker's back step, isn't it."

"You've gone soft." She spat.

"I've gone supernova!" He growled. "More brilliant than I've ever been. Now, please shut up while I get back on track. That goddamned bat will be back here in an hour and some, two if the traffic is heavy. Thirty minutes if he defiles airspace with those hellish avian contraptions of his."

"Crane? Don't you suddenly feel this might be a bad idea?" Ivy asked. "Siding with a man who just lets Batman walk? Doesn't that seem a little suspicious to you?"

Jonathan quirked a brow under his mask. "I'd rather follow a sane Riddler into the mouth of hell then a half crazed man into paradise."

Ivy placed a hand on her hip. "I can't believe I'm trying to gain support from a man who plays power bottom to Edward Nygma…"

Still studying the factory, Edward smirked. "I haven't heard a comment about my sexuality in nearly a year…hard to believe I actually missed them…"

Touching a hand to the wound on the back of his other hand, Crane grumbled and pulled at the torn glove. "If anything Edward would be the bottom."

Turning back to face them again, Edward nodded. "It's true. Crane has a dominating personality."

"It's what makes me, me." He agreed flatly.

"So, Ivy? Fight or flight?" The Riddler asked. "Last chance."

She dropped her proud chin ever so, green eyes glistening in the light of the moon. "Fight."

"Good, you won't be disappointed." Edward said. "You're up first at bat, my dear."

Ivy smirked wickedly.

"Go do what you do best." Crane added.

As Poison Ivy slipped down from the roof of the incinerator, the two men moved closer to the edge to await the show.

"You know," Crane began. "I think I've reached the age where these kinds of raids seem like far too much work and energy." He turned to eye his friend through his mask. "Maybe I'll retire after this. Head to New Orleans and make a fresh start."

Edward beamed. "You wouldn't be able to stop injecting fear into people, Jonathan."

"Can't do this forever, Edward." Crane replied. "Eventually we'll all get too old to do any of the physical activities necessary in this lifestyle. May as well go out with dignity, taking out the Joker."

"Hn."

"There's no shame in leaving this empire of dirt to the next generation. Even Caesar was replaceable."

* * *

><p><strong>**Ivy**<strong>

The goons at the gate weren't hard to slip past.

Men were so predictable.

Sauntering inside the factory she kept her eyes on her surroundings and her vines ever close, trailing around her protectively, half of them still outside, ready to send a signal to the Scarecrow and Riddler when she was ready for them to move in. Her signal was her vines.

A few more goons, as easily dispatched as the others.

It was hardly even worth three of them going after the Joker.

Arriving in a wide open space, she found a group of goons milling about their Clown Prince, who sulked on a throne-like chair in the middle of the space.

He leapt to his feet as she approached.

"Calm down," Ivy purred. "Just a social call."

Scowling despite his permanent grin, the Joker raised a hand and pointed at her. "Harvest her like wheat, boys." He ordered.

Ivy placed her hand on her hip and tilted her head. "That's a rather rude welcome for a woman who comes bearing a gift." She purred, sending out a soft waft of pheromones in the direction of a nearby goon.

The Joker dropped his arms to his side limply. "Don't do that."

"Aw, he likes it." She replied, scratching the thug under his chin. "Don't you boy?"

"Yes." The big ape warbled, eyes locked on her completely under her spell.

Smiling, she lowered her hand and approached the Joker's throne.

"What do you want?" He snapped.

"I told you, I brought you a housewarming gift." She held out the satchel of seeds she had on her.

Tentatively the clown took it, pinching the burlap sack between his thumb and forefinger. "Huh…" he tossed it carelessly over his shoulder. As it landed it released a cloud of toxic spores into the air. "Where's the actual gift?"

"That was the gift."

Peering over her head at his goons, the Joker snapped. "Kill her."

"Wait." She said. "What would you say if I told you Jonathan Crane was alive and kicking and I knew where he was?"

The Joker cackled madly. "What makes you think I care about that straw brained asshole?"

"Nothing. I just needed you to give my toxins a few more seconds to sink in." She replied calmly, stroking a nearby vine, telling it to give the men outside the signal.

Behind the Joker his goons began dropping heavily.

The Clown Prince angled his body to watch.

"Your toxins won't work on me." He replied sharply, watching with cold, lifeless eyes as his men died.

"I know," she purred. "But then again I don't want you dead yet."

Grabbing her by her hair, the Joker snapped her head back, even as vines crept around his body.

"You venomous bitch." He said, cackling. "I've been looking for a good fight. But it's hardly fair pitting a grizzly against a rosebush."

Above them the Scarecrow emerged from a hatch on the roof.

"Even grizzley's get thorns in their paws, Joker." She cooed.

Ivy's vine's stayed the Joker's hand as he made to slash her throat with a razor sharp joker playing card, it bought the Scarecrow enough time to secure a rope and slip down to the ground.

She was tempted to send the clown holding her a waft of pheromones, but she stayed her hand. Eddie was very adamant about keeping the Joker clean save for the specially formulated fear gas the Scarecrow had provided.

The Joker's attention followed hers over his shoulder and he pushed her away to avoid the Scarecrow's first swing with the small needle provided by Fries.

"What's this? Assassins?" Joker cackled. "Not exactly my most challenging fight this month, but I'll take it." Leaping off into the shadows spryly, the Joker disappeared into the darkness, leaving only his mad laughter behind.

Rising up over the floor on a throne of vines, Ivy scanned the factory for signs of their prey.

She had to keep up high, because while she was immune to toxins, Crane's fear gas was designed to negate that immunity. If she caught a whiff of the deadly batch, she'd be gone.

But from her command centre of fronds and leaves, she could keep an eye on the activities as Crane hunted the Joker on foot through the maze of crates and junk left on the factory floor.

As much as she didn't care one way or the other for Jonathan Crane, she had to admit that he was a born hunter. His long limbs moved swiftly and silently in the dark, as he tracked the Joker's giggling.

"Ever see farmer's burn the rainforest, Pamela?" Joker asked from somewhere to her right.

She turned in time to catch him pointing a nasty looking flamethrower in her direction.

"This is my dedication to those chaotic fellows!" He laughed as the flames shot out of his thrower, licking at her vines.

They moved in defence of her, drawing away from the flames.

Ivy was singed, but still in the game.

Thankfully by showing his location like that, Scarecrow was able to get a bead on the Joker.

The clown slipped back into the shadows again before the Scarecrow could converge on his location.

The factory was filled with mad laughter.

"Oh, come on!" He taunted. "You're running around like a chicken with your head cut off, Jonny-boy!"

Ivy watched as the Scarecrow dropped almost instinctively as a blade of sorts came flying out at him, it whizzed over his hunched back and imbedded itself in an old, rotten crate. The trick to reading the Joker was to know his bad jokes were always more than just a bad joke. She supposed that was his one weaknesses, among a sea of many others.

Her vines crept along the factory floor, feeling around for the man they were after. It was like fishing, her lines were slack, until one jangled, then tightened.

Ivy's head snapped in the direction of the taught vine. "Caught him!"

Gunshots rang out and she could feel the pain her baby felt as the Joker shot the vine free of his body, but he was somewhere to her four o'clock.

She motioned Crane in that direction and he took off swiftly.

At that moment Eddie dropped from the same hatch Crane used, the cape of his bat suit spread out.

He landed in the centre of the factory.

"Batman!" Ivy hissed loud enough for the Joker to hear.

The Joker, unable to resist a pot shot at the bat, emerged from the shadows, a hefty looking semi-automatic in hand.

"Well, this is a wonderful treat!" He exclaimed. "If I play my cards right, I can kill three birds with one gun!"

That was all it took, Eddie playing bait, for Crane to leap out of the shadows as well, the needle from Fries poised in his hand. It made contact with the back of the Joker's neck.

As the clown reeled back to remove the offending object lodged into his spine, his finger tightened on the trigger of his gun and he sprayed bullets across the factory.

It all happened so fast that Ivy only barely noticed that Eddie dropped, she was too busy ducking for her own safety as bullets peppered her command centre.

Crane held tight to the Joker as his body slowly began to slacken.

The madman's eyes lolled about, taking in his soon-to-be murderers.

"You can't kill me," he snarled, before breaking out into mad laughter. "You can't kill the moon with rays of the sun! You idiots!"

When the Joker was good and paralyzed, Ivy descended from her throne of vines and the Scarecrow dropped their prey heavily onto the concrete floor.

Ivy and Scarecrow both huddled over his body, amazed that they actually managed to pull the plan off with only a minor hitch.

The Joker peered back up at them, his eyes alert, his body useless.

They turned to find the Riddler, waiting for him to get into position for the next part of their plan, dragging the Joker out from among the old crates, into the open space of the factory floor as they did so.

The Riddler was on his knees in a pool of blood with one heavily gloved hand planted firmly in the puddle, the other wrapped around his waist tightly, gasping desperately for air.


	15. Girders & Helicopters

_**laal ratty - Don't you just hate those writer jerks who leave us on cliffhangers? ...wait a second...**_

_**NoSpillBlood - LOL, I thought I'd get one person reviewing something about the Eddie/Crane slash implication. *takes off fishing hat***_

_**NURSE J0Y - You have no idea how hard I'm looking forward to those Eddie/Lina stories of yours...seriously, hearing that you have two on the go makes me super happy. ^_^**_

_**Robot521 - I don't think the Scarecrow gets enough credit for how good he can handle himself in a fight. I mean, the guy is a sort of bookish fellow who can hold his own pretty good.**_

_**Pinkqueen - YESSSSSSS! - Spy**_

_**jacksparrowlovesme - Poor Eddie. I have been a little mean to him, haven't I? *makes mental note to not kill Eddie so much***_

_**rockpunk92 - Wait? So by your logic if I was a guy I'd be a douche, but if I were a girl I'd only be a chick...seems a little unfair...I'd say I'm a dillhole, but only because it makes me titter like a schoolgirl to say it. ^_^ ...or schoolboy... *mysterious face*  
><strong>_

_**Violeta27 - Yeah. You know how many lives Batman would have saved if he just killed the Joker to begin with? I mean, there has to be a point where Batman can just go, 'you know what? I think it's time to put the mad dog down'.**_

_**KaylaRocks - So about that homework you didn't do? ...dammit, you said NOT to ask! *sheepish* Thanks for the review!**_

_**Renny777 - So, Renny777, we meet again...*Bond villain face***_

_**bleedy - Wow, I hope it was just my chapter and not too much caffeine that made your heart go into overdrive.**_

_**TanithSeh1011 - You know people have been making a lot of comments about the speed at which I write...perhaps I really outta slow it down...put out a chapter a year or something...*begins to think 'writing too fast' is code* Code for what? I don't know...drugs maybe...or rock and roll...whatever these kids are into nowadays...**_

_**Pharaoh-chan - Noticed the patchwork of arcs and storylines, eh? Yeah, it's hard to not do that when you read so many comics and enjoy bits and pieces here and there...eventually if you want to write Batman fanfiction you need to mix and match. Still though, how many damned origin stories do they need for Catwoman before someone says 'alright, enough! I can't follow them all'.**_

_**For those of you who doubt my story and the direction it's taking, just remember that it's listed as humour/romance. 'nuff said.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Fifteen: Girders &amp; Helicopters<br>**

**Day Nineteen: Part Five**

****Selina****

She had stopped off at home to change into her catsuit, before heading for the old toy factory where the Joker had taken up residence.

Mad as hell, she took along her studded cat o' nine tails, prepared to lay down a hell of a good ass whooping on first the Joker, then Eddie.

Moving across the city by rooftop she dropped to the pavement of the street when the buildings ended for the sparse concrete of the industrial area. Now in the shadows, she headed for the old factory district, keeping out of sight of the bums and whores who lingered in the night. Eventually she arrived at the chain-link fence that surrounded the factory and climbed it easily, dropping onto the other side in time to duck behind some crates as Batman's helicopter set down on the factory roof. The bright blue searchlight, wavering across the factory's property before the man emerged.

Selina watched as Batman disappeared from sight on the rooftop, before climbing onto a nearby building to follow his path.

Up on top of what looked like some electrical out building, she nearly tripped over a dejected looking clown, who clutched her hammer to her chest tightly.

"Harley," Selina whispered.

The blonde sniffed. "Hiya, Lina."

"What's going on?" She asked.

"Everyone's ganging up on my puddin'."

Easing onto the edge of the roof beside Harley Quinn, Selina watched the factory quietly.

"Why aren't you in there then?"

Harley swung her legs a little. "I can't decide."

"Decide what?"

"Whether maybe he should die or not. Savin' him, he'll be awfully mad that I was gone all night and it'd mean I'd have to go in there and fight Mistah E and Professa Crane and Red. But if I let them kill him, then I'll never be able to snuggle my puddin'. Red kidnapped me so I wouldn't be here, but…I don't know. My mind says let the Joker die, but my heart screams save him." She pouted a little. "Love stinks."

"It really doesn't, Harley. I mean, sure sometimes it lets you down, but love shouldn't 'stink'."

Harley rolled her eyes. "Well, sure, says the girl who got Mistah E. He's the best!"

Selina clenched her hands around her whip. "He kidnapped me tonight."

"Why?"

"To keep me from doing something." She replied.

Harley fluttered her feet out from the building. "Comin' here to kill the Joker?"

"I was just going to watch his back."

"And yer mad at him?"

"I don't like being controlled." She snarled.

Harley laughed. "Yer dumber than ya look, Lina!"

She scowled at the laughing blonde, it only made Harley laughed harder.

"I mean, he kidnaps ya because he cares enough about ya, to keep ya out of trouble and ya seem sour about it?" Harley went on. "I only wish someone cared enough about me to do that!"

"I don't think he went about it in the right way."

"By what? Askin' ya? Lina, even I know how stubborn ya can be! Ya can't say no to a cat, ya can only lock 'em in a room to keep 'em out of trouble." Falling quiet, the clown's made-up face dropped back into a serious, almost sad state. "I mean, ya should go easy on him. He always looked at you differently than everyone else. Like ya were only person worth breathin', ya know? I think he really cares about ya. When ya find a guy like that, ya need to just relax and let things happen…"

Looking over when Harley trailed off, Selina found the young woman frowning at her lap.

"I really hurt him, didn't I?" She whispered.

Watching the blonde as a revelation of sorts passed through her, broke Selina's heart. The young woman was just realizing how badly she ruined all the good she had, how badly her obsession with the Joker ruined it all for her.

"I don't care what happens anymore." Harley stated firmly, pushing to her feet. "I'm going to find a place to stay for the night. To hell with everyone."

Smiling, Selina pushed to her feet as well. "You can spend the night at my place if you want, Harley."

The blonde beamed and threw her arms around Selina. "Yer the best, Cats! But only for tonight, tomorrow I'm on my own!"

Harley Quinn hopped down from the building and walked off into the night, with only a single hesitant pause, before moving on and disappearing in the darkness.

* * *

><p><strong>**Crane**<strong>

They moved across the factory floor towards the Riddler.

Ivy knelt in the blood at his side and helped him back to sit on his ass, as she ran her hands over his chest looking for the wound.

Kneeling on the other side of his friend, Crane scanned him for the wound as Ivy began to tear off the fake armoured breast plate of the bat suit.

"Crane?" Edward croaked between pained gasps for air.

"What is it, Edward?"

"I need…an adult." He grunted.

The Scarecrow frowned. "What?"

"Tell…Ivy to stop…molesting me."

Ivy had Edward down to a black Kevlar vest, before she pulled back from the Riddler. "What the hell? Where're you shot? Where's the blood coming from?"

"My leg." Edward gasped, reaching up with a shaky hand to pull a flattened slug from where it had embedded itself into the bulletproof vest. Eyeing it, Edward threw the slug off into the distance where it made a silvery ping on the concrete floor. He still panted, but otherwise seemed fine. "Jesus, that hurts like hell. Think it cracked a rib…"

Ivy looked at the Scarecrow, mildly confused.

Coughing, Edward held his chest and struggled to sit up fully. "Did we get him?"

"Yeah." Crane replied.

"Then let's get this done, we're on a tight schedule." Struggling to his feet, the Riddler leaned heavily on a nearby crate.

"What about your leg?" He asked.

Edward waved his arm. "It'll have to wait." He reached out to playfully knock Ivy on the jaw. "Your concern is touching though."

She slapped his hand away. "Don't touch me."

Leaning down, Crane scooped up the armour she had tore off Edward and handed it back to the Riddler, who took it with a small, cat-like grin.

"That leg is bleeding pretty badly," he observed.

Shrugging, Edward slowly replaced the armoured breastplate with trembling hands. "It'll have to wait," he repeated. Motioning to his scythe, Edward said, "may I?"

Not normally one to give up his weapon, Crane hesitated before handing it over.

Edward leaned heavily on it and limped off behind the enraged Poison Ivy.

Catching up with him, Crane had to ask, "when did you start wearing Kevlar?"

"Since I pissed off one too many people." Edward replied casually. "Best investment I've ever made."

"Riddler!"

All three villains turned their eyes up to the ceiling, where a bat was gliding down towards them, cape extended.

Hastily pulling the device off his arm, Edward handed it off to the Scarecrow. "The plan's changed, Jon. Take this, press the blue button while touching Ivy and the Joker, it'll take you back to our meeting point. I'll take care of the bat. You know what to do."

Crane quirked a brow, but took the device.

He and Ivy raced towards the Joker's body, leaving an injured Riddler to handle Batman.

* * *

><p><strong>**Edward**<strong>

Watching Batman land, he pulled off the cowl and dropped it. It was useless now with the plans being altered.

"You know, half your problems wouldn't even be problems if you just learned to keep your nose in your own business, Batman." Edward said, moving into the bigger man's path.

Batman's fist connected with that cracked rib and it broke, Edward felt and heard the snap as he was flung aside by the man.

"They won't be there!" He called after Batman from where he had landed among some old machinery, holding his broken rib tightly.

As the bat disappeared among the boxes on the trail of Ivy and Crane, Edward struggled back to his feet. If he hobbled away fast enough, he could get away from the bat and meet up with Crane and Ivy back at Crane's lair.

He made it as far as Ivy's abandoned vines, when a hand landed heavily on his shoulder.

Batman whirled the Riddler around to face him.

"Where'd they take the Joker?"

Edward blinked. "I can't remember, I think you scrambled my brains when you flung me into that metal press."

Batman slammed his forehead into Edward's as the stronger man hefted the thin Riddler up by the collar of his bat suit. "Where?"

"Beating an unarmed man is low, Bats." Edward panted.

"Killing a man is even lower." Batman replied coldly.

Edward laughed maniacally. "The Joker? He's hardly a man!"

Outside the wail of police sirens could be heard faintly in the distance.

"You called for back-up?" Edward demanded. "What's wrong? Scared of me?"

"You're going back to Arkham for parole violations, Edward." Batman growled.

Edward laughed again. "No. I'm never going back there. I'll die before I ever step foot in Arkham again."

"You keep treading this path you're on and you just might, Edward."

"Is this really about the Joker? Or is this about losing your little kitty to me, Batman?" Edward asked softly, as he reached for a fake batarang on his utility belt. It didn't work, but it was sharp enough. "Feeling a little put out that she found another man? Feeling like a common man again? Do you want to know why she's with me and not you? Because with you, she'd have to change who she really is. With me, she doesn't have to change a thing." Grasping it, he slashed at the bared part of the bat's face.

Batman threw him down and leapt back.

Taking the opportunity to make his escape, Edward found himself weaving clumsily into the maze of boxes and crates. He ignored the intense pain of his broken rib and his wounded leg, hobbling himself towards the back of the factory. He had to be careful with that rib, it felt like it was in a very, very dangerous place. If it jostled anymore out of place it could very well puncture his lung.

****Selina****

Creeping around on the top of the factory, Selina took a detour to poke her nose into the helicopter's cockpit.

She took in the lights and the switches, before slipping out and returning to her lurking.

Heading across the width of the building, she collided with a form as they popped up out of nowhere.

The Scarecrow peered down at Eddie's device strapped to his own arm, not even noticing her.

"This thing can't be set correctly," he growled at it.

Smirking, she slid an arm around his shoulders. "Neat toy."

Crane jerked in shock, but remained calm otherwise. "Where are we?"

"On top of the toy factory."

"Ah, I had the sea level wrong. It's a good thing I didn't add that extra zero." He muttered. "Where's the Riddler?"

Selina shrugged. "Wouldn't know, I'm not allowed to play with you boys."

With his mask still on the device, Crane snarled. "Well, I'm not going to risk playing around with this thing anymore. It's a wonder I didn't die this trip." He levelled the mask on her. "I don't suppose you have a car handy?"

She beamed impishly at him. "I found a helicopter. It's the bats."

The sound of police sirens lit up the Gotham night and the two of them looked off in the direction of them.

"A helicopter will work." Crane said, moving off towards it. "Think he has the anti-theft alarm set? Last time I tried to steal the Batmobile it blew a nasty flame burp into my face and singed my mask."

"No. I was already inside. Can you fly?"

Climbing into the cockpit, Crane shrugged. "I watched Harley play a flight simulation once…it didn't look that hard. Go get Edward and I'll drop you a rope when you get free of the factory."

Slinking around the helicopter, Selina purred. "Oh, now you boys want me around?"

"I never said you couldn't play." He called after her, flicking the switch to start the blades.

It turned on the windshield wiper blades.

Crane hesitated, before turning them off. "There was a bug. Look, just tell Edward that we have eight minutes until the effects of the tranquilizer wears off and Ivy's faced with a very angry Joker. She has another dose to give him, but even that has a limit."

Selina chuckled. "Right. Just don't kill us when we get out." She moved away from the helicopter and bent to open a nearby hatch as the chopper's blades began.

Looking for danger before hopping down from the open hatch, Selina landed on a steel girder and moved across the beams of the factory rafters, looking for signs of life in the deserted building.

She followed the sounds of crates falling to the floor and shattering, spying a few of the taller stacks toppling messily.

Racing across the beams gracefully, she soon caught sight of Batman moving across the rafters opposite of her, intent on a hunt.

Outside the sounds of police sirens we getting closer, drowned out by the sound of a helicopter.

She'd have to hurry and get Eddie before the cops arrived on scene. If she got to him in time, they could leave without Gotham's finest becoming aware of the Riddler's activities.

Spotting the fleeing Riddler at the same moment as Batman, Selina launched herself over a gap and began moving laterally towards the bat.

It was too late, Batman hurled himself down towards Eddie.

"Eddie!" She called out a warning.

He turned in time to leap out of Batman's way, darting awkwardly to the left and disappearing among more crates. The way he was running, it was unnatural, he favoured his left leg.

Eddie was injured.

Batman paused long enough to look up at her, before he continued the chase.

She too kept on moving with the two men.

The Western wall of the factory was soon coming up and Eddie was running out space to flee, Selina watched as he slammed into a heavy door hard, before trying the knob.

It was too late, Batman was nearing him, bola in hand.

With only a split second to make her decision, she leapt, flying through the air down towards the heavily armoured Batman.

As her body collided with his from the height she was falling, she felt the wind knocked out of her lungs as the two of them hit the concrete floor hard.

Batman grabbed hold of her and yanked her off his body, pushing her roughly to the side. Despite still struggling for air, she rolled onto her feet and knelt there on all fours eyeing him.

By that time Eddie was standing before them, a piece of broken crate in hand, he slammed Batman over the back of the head and while it didn't do anything, it distracted him enough for the Riddler to grab his grappling gun.

Helping Selina up, Eddie pulled her in the direction of the stairs that led up into the supervisor officers floating high over the factory floor.

"Riddler, give yourself up! The judge may go easy on you!" Batman shouted after them.

Eddie laughed over his shoulder at the man who had a batarang aimed at the Riddler. "Why don't you give up, Bat, while I'm still trying to go easy on you!" Shoving the grappling gun into her hands, Eddie glared hard at her. "Take this and get the hell out of here." He snarled.

"Good idea, come on." She took his hand, keeping her other on the gun and aimed it at the rafters overhead.

Taking a shot, she waited for a tense second as the sheep's hook flew towards a girder and wrapped around it.

"Hold on to me." She ordered.

He did so as Batman raced up the stairs towards them.

They only had a mere hair breadth of time to pull it off and she wrapped both hands around the gun and pressed the retract button.

It tore them off the platform with a powerful whirring, drawing them up into the rafters.

Batman was after them, climbing a pipe that ran down the wall from the ceiling.

Helping Eddie onto a beam, she pointed in the direction of a hatch. "Come on, follow me."

He panted. "Kitten, I can't jump like you."

She touched his jaw. "It'll be okay, Ed. Just follow me."

"Selina, if I hit those girders my rib will my lung. Here," he drew the grappling hook gun off the girder and swung it in hand. "If you can get to the hatch, open it and I'll fire the hook."

"We don't have time!" She snarled.

"Exactly, get moving."

Eyeing the bat who was approaching them, moving across the girders, she nodded and leapt towards the hatch.

She had never moved so carelessly or recklessly before, flying over the rafters like a demon.

Reaching up, she forced the hatch open and turned back to see Ed spinning on Batman, firing the grapple into his chest. It knocked the man off his flight path, but didn't knock him down.

She raced back as Ed was caught in Batman's arms, tearing across the precarious girders, leaping across voids that promised a good thirty foot fall. It wouldn't kill her if she fell properly, but if she fell accidentally she wouldn't have time to fall properly.

"Let him go!" She ordered.

Batman held Eddie tight in both hands. Ed was squirming, making both men struggle for balance on the rafters.

"Please?" She asked.

"He's a criminal and will be treated as such."

Scowling, Selina placed her hand on the handle of her whip. "Pull your head out of your ass. Just let him go this one time. For me?"

"There won't be anymore favours between you and I." Batman snarled. "Edward Nygma will be tried for violating parole and attempted murder."

In Batman's grip, Eddie quirked a brow. "Who said it was 'attempted'? As far as you know the Joker's dead."

Batman balled his hand up. "Shut up."

"Or what? We both know you won't kill me. You can beat me if you want, but I've been beaten before, so it's nothing new." Eddie replied.

"Give me the Riddler, Batman." Selina said. "And we'll both leave Gotham for good."

Batman glared at her. "No deal." He leapt back off the girder with Eddie in hand, what no one was counting on was for Eddie to reached out and grab the girder. It shocked Batman into releasing him, as the man opened his cape and fell slowly down to the factory floor.

Selina watched as Eddie's hands slipped across the dusty girder's surface and he too fell.

Time slowed, then stopped completely.

Batman landed gracefully on the factory floor, Eddie didn't.

She didn't care one bit about her safety, as she leapt from the ceiling, falling the thirty feet to tumble and roll gracefully. Her ankle complained, but it didn't break as she landed properly.

Moving towards the Riddler's body, she pulled him into her lap.

"Eddie?"

He looked so young, so pale and so young.

Thankfully he still had a pulse, but he was out cold it seemed.

Glaring at the approaching man in the bat suit, Selina spat, "you son of a bitch!"

With soft blue-grey eyes, Bruce hung his head a little. "They can fix him up at Arkham."

Carefully easing Eddie back onto the floor, she stood, letting the studded flails of her whip drop heavily to the floor.

"He's not going back."

"Selina."

She leapt at him, all claws and whip, landing a boot against his chest and knocking him back.

Outside the police sirens were right outside the gate.

She didn't care.

As her and Batman fought, she managed to knock him down enough to land on his chest, claws around his neck.

She hadn't even realized she was crying until he reached up and gently wiped the tears away from her mask.

Her grip went limp.

"Please?" She whispered, leaning down and resting her forehead against his. "Give him to me?"

"Selina," he whispered softly. "I can't."

"Please?" She had never begged, but this wasn't an everyday thing. It was a time for begging.

His eyes glassed over. "Go."

She pulled away from him, studying his eyes for any hint of betrayal.

"Take him and go." Batman whispered. "Keep him out of trouble."

Selina sniffled, trying to regain her dignity. "Thank you."

"Yeah." He growled.

Moving across the floor towards Eddie's body, she knelt at his side and lightly slapped him on the cheek.

"Eddie?"

He was unresponsive.

"Wake up, Eddie. Come on!"


	16. Epilogue

_**JannaKalderash - Thanks for the review and all the others, I appreciate them. Truly.**_

_**Robot521 - A Riddler theme rainbow? ...so a green and purple rainbow? Sometimes with a little golden yellow? LOL! Thanks for all your loyalty. I greatly appreciate your reviews throughout...gosh, all three stories. ^_^**_

_**NoSpillBlood - Sorry about the second cliffhanger, it was the only good place to cut the chapter in two. Thanks for the reviews. Thanks a whole heap!**_

_**Violeta27 - You jizz a lot. O_o I've heard...o_o...never mind, any way I say it, it comes out dirty...*millions of cariad*...see what I did there?**_

_**Pinkqueen - I'm not really mean, I'm just programed that way. V_V**_

_**me-ladie - Hey, the fact that you review at all is muchly appreciated. I find when it comes to doing the right thing, Bats can't really see past the law. He can be a little crazy when it comes to protecting the people of Gotham. I'm glad you noticed that I brought some of Harley's psychologist out. She's a trained analyzer, so I always imagined she would have pearls of wisdom somewhere beneath her immature attitude towards life.**_

_**NURSE J0Y - I'm glad you appreciate Eddie's humour. He's twisted enough to be fairly calm when it comes to getting shot, plus you know, he should be used to it by now.**_

_**jacksparrowlovesme - LOL! How well you know Crane!**_

_**TanithSeh1011 - Well, Bruce is essentially a nice guy. I can see him being a little extreme in his beliefs of right and wrong, but deep down he still has that sweet, almost touching admiration for Lina. I could never see him being with her because they would both have to change who they are to settle together, but I have a feeling that he still always has her at heart.**_

_**Renny777 - Hell, with how busy you are, I'm just honoured you find the time to read and review period. You know I don't hold anything against anyone who doesn't review. I never started posting these stories for the fame or glory, I just wanted to unite some like-minded people together with a pairing that doesn't get enough love. I'm just glad I got some really kind, respectful people who've gathered together for my stories. If I make them happy, then it makes me super happy. ^_^ And also, as a cat person, I can definitely say 'you can't say no to a cat'. If they want snuggles, they'll damned well get some snuggles, if they want something, they'll get at it.**_

_**KaylaRocks - If you make a video, let me know. I'd love to see it. Someone should make a community somewhere for this pairing where we can share all these stories and videos and such. That would be heaven. ^_^**_

_**ChaoticBane - Your review was 'quite interesting'. Sorry, though, I don't write Bane stories. I wouldn't do him justice, as I tend to skip comics that feature him as the villain. The passion and interest should be there, and it just isn't. Good luck with your hunt to find someone who can bring light to your pairing of choice, though. And thanks for the review.  
><strong>_

_** vaude . renz - Thanks so much! I don't think I could ever truly stop writing this pairing, so don't think you've seen the last of me. (sorry for the spaces in your name, fanfiction won't allow it to show up as it is...silly site).  
><strong>_

_**Beldam - Thanks a lot for you review. It was so nice! Between you and me I wish Fries got more page time, as he's one of my favourites and I'm glad you appreciated the way I've written him. He always seemed like a father figure type to me, maybe because unlike the other villains, his was a truly sad origin story and I really felt for him.**_

_**TO MY KIND REVIEWERS! I would like to say quickly, that I really, truly appreciate the people who have reviewed this and other stories. You don't know just how much your kind reviews and unknowing support has meant to me. There have been days where I would try to slack off, but a dynamite review from a marvelous human being would pop up and remind me that there were people out there who were waiting for an update. If it wasn't for any of you, I'm not sure if I would have ever gained confidence enough to turn a silly story I wrote to entertain myself into a series that birthed more fans of the pairing. It comes off as shallow merely saying 'thanks' in an AN, but just know that I really, really mean it.**_

_**To those of you who have read and walrus'd right through the whole series, just know I'm grateful you enjoyed these stories and I understand that not everyone is bold enough to make contact with someone on the internet. I know how it is not wanting to say anything for fear of insulting someone accidentally or feeling embarrassed by something I may have posted (but then again I can be a neurotic mess sometimes). I'm just glad you were entertained long enough to get to this AN. And for that, I say THANKS! ^_^**_

**_ENJOY THE LAST CHAPTER!_  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

**Christmas Eve: Two Years Later**

****Bruce Wayne****

The tree was perfect.

It was easy having a perfect tree when you hire someone to decorate it for you.

Sitting in his over stuffed chair by the window, Bruce quietly sipped at the egg nog Alfred pushed into his hand and eyed Tim as he wrapped gifts for orphans at the reformatory. The young man was having the battle of his life with a particularly odd shaped gift, but struggled through it anyways.

Since the Joker disappeared off the face of the earth, Gotham had become a lot quieter. Not perfectly quiet, old timers like the Mad Hatter and Killer Croc were still out there, but the newcomers didn't seem to have the passion or abilities of their predecessors.

Deep down Bruce had to admit to himself that without the Joker, things were better in Gotham, but even deeper down he still lived with some guilt over his decision. It haunted him.

But then again it was just one more thing to haunt him, it added to many others that dwelt in the rooms of his mind.

Outside a light, a beacon flared, breaking the darkness and Bruce pushed to his feet.

Tim followed suit quietly, moving past Alfred who was returned to them with a tray of sugar cookies.

Snatching a handful with a cheeky wink on his way past, Tim took to the stairs ahead of Bruce.

"Alfred, tell Miss…" he trailed off. "Carver?"

"Cartwright."

"Yup, that's the one. Tell her I won't be too late."

"Shall I turn down a guest bed for the young lady, sir?" Alfred asked.

Bruce beamed at his butler and long-time friend. "I don't think that's necessary."

The dry man pursed his lips. "Of course, sir."

* * *

><p><strong>**Selina**<strong>

The alley smelled faintly of day old Italian food and urine, despite the fresh scent of falling snow that hovered over it.

High above a young couple, the slinky figure of a cat lurked, watching the encroaching gang who had surrounded them like a bunch of sharks who caught the scent of blood in the water.

"Hand over the money and you won't get cut, fuckers." One of the gang members snarled.

Sighing, the cat dropped from her perch, landing beside the couple.

"Why don't you hopeless little punks take a break," she purred. "It's Christmas for god's sake."

The young men hesitated, but a sharp snap from the whip Selina carried sent them into a slow, unsure retreat, back into the shadows and under the rocks they had crawled from.

Making sure the little bastards actually left, Selina curled her whip up and secured it at her side once more.

"Thank you." The woman cooed softly.

Glancing over her shoulder at the couple, she sneered a little. "Here's a tip, kids. If you're new to Gotham, keep clear of the dark alleys."

"What's your name?" The man asked. "How can we thank you?"

Leaping back up onto the fire escape she had come from, Selina ignored the question and scooted back into the night.

She moved across the rooftops, heading towards the west, away from the bay.

At a boring apartment building in the middle class area, she slipped into a window that couldn't be picked out among a sea of windows and landed on plain, beige carpeting.

It didn't take long for her to strip out of her catsuit, hanging it carefully in the back of the closet.

Strolling across the floor in her underwear, she headed for the bathroom, as another form slipped in through the bedroom window after climbing the fire escape.

"Is that what the kids are wearing these days?" Eddie asked. "Because I like it."

Selina smiled softly. "Give it a few years, Ed. Where were you tonight?"

"Business," he replied, pulling at his tie to loosen it. "You?"

"The same."

"On Christmas Eve?" He asked.

"Same question right back at you," she replied.

Removing his jacket, he walked across the room to hang it on a hanger in the closet,

Selina attacked him from behind, whipping the tie off him and tearing his shirt open.

Eddie turned around with a smile. "Kitten, you pop the buttons off all my shirts and I'll have nothing to wear." His smug smile fell and he tilted his head. "Oh, I get it. That's your intention, isn't it?"

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "See? You're not as dumb as you look."

"I love you, Selina," he said, "but the last man who called me dumb had to have a closed casket funeral."

"Ooh, I'd better watch my tongue then." She replied, pulling her head back as he went in for a kiss.

Flitting away from him spryly, she removed her sports bra and launched it in his direction as she headed into the bathroom.

"I didn't mean you had to keep that tongue to yourself," he called after her. "Don't be too long, Maggie is expecting us at eight."

Poking her head back out of the bathroom, Selina furrowed her brow at him. "Maggie won't care if we're late."

"But it's still ru-ah…" Eddie paused.

Selina watched as his nose wrinkled, before he reached quickly for his handkerchief to sneeze into it. She chuckled softly.

"Still have that cold, hm? Maybe it's a good thing I didn't kiss you."

He politely wiped his nose with his handkerchief and sniffled. "I'm getting over it. Maybe if you made me some soup…showed me a little tenderness…"

Stripping completely, she dropped her underwear into the hamper in the bathroom, before moving back into the bedroom. "Well, I did bring you soup, but you said it tasted like dishwater, so I threw it in your face. Remember?"

"Was that the grey dishwater or the green bog water?" He asked.

Purring, she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned against him. "Keep making smart assed remarks about my cooking and you'll find yourself in a snow bank."

"Again?"

"And you know, another thing, Ed." She went on. "You gave me your cold, I feel it coming on."

He smiled almost proudly. "Good. I'm glad."

"Bastard," she replied.

"Wait until you get exhausted and hungry, then we'll see who brings the soup." He went on.

"I regret ever letting you touch me," she went on, arms still wrapped around his neck.

He beamed. "Ah, well, let's see if we can up that 'regret' to 'rue'." Leaning down, he kiss her on the tip of her nose.

She turned her head away. "Don't. I don't want your germs."

Selina struggled to escape his kisses, but she found herself plastered tightly against him by a pair of strong arms.

"Come on, Ed. We'll be late."

He released her at the sound of someone at the door.

Wandering into the bathroom, Selina waved Eddie in the direction of the door since he was the better dressed of the two.

He pulled a shirt on before moving into the living space that was small, minimalist and tidy.

Listening from the bathroom as she pulled on her robe, she heard a low, feminine tone, then the squeaky chirp of a little boy.

Three years old and thankfully more calm and even mannered like his father.

She hurried into the next room to find Ivy and little Victor at the door.

Little Victor was wearing the green bowler his 'Uncle' Eddie gave him over top of his bright blue ski-cap and holding his mother's hand. He was only three, but acted like a little grown up already. Ivy had flipped the hell out when Eddie gave Victor the hat, she almost killed him then and there, but resisted because the boy seemed to adore his Uncle Eddie.

"Selina, I'm glad we caught you. You two are never home anymore." Ivy greeted.

"Hi!" Victor squeaked.

Leaning down, Selina tipped the bowler up out of the boy's eyes and smiled. "Hey, sweetie. Merry Christmas."

"Um-hm." The boy replied, toying with the cuff on him mother's jacket. He twisted a button almost shyly.

Stroking his chin, Eddie eyed the women. "Well, you two can chatter, I have to get dressed."

Before Eddie could make his escape, Victor was at his side, tearing away from his mom.

"Um?" The boy asked, tugging at Eddie's hand, stopping him.

The Riddler looked down at him. "What's wrong, brat?"

The boy twitched nervously, before fumbling into his pocket for a little wrapped gift. It was pretty much wrapped in a ball of news paper and tape, but Selina could see the love that the little man put into it.

He held it out for Ed.

"For me?"

"Um-hm." The boy nodded furiously, still holding the ball of newspaper up. "Dad broke his cup today. He said a bad word."

Eddie laughed as he took the gift. "Did he now?"

"Um-hm."

Touching the top of the bowler to get the boy's attention, Eddie stooped low to talk to him. "I have to go and change, if you wait around until then I'll give you your gift, okay?"

"Um-hm."

"And you can open it tonight because I said so."

The boy's eyes lit up and he looked at his mom to confirm this.

She glared at Ed.

"You have to do everything to win him over, don't you?" She snarled.

He smiled and adjusted his tie. "I think he's already won over by now, Ivy. Now I just do it to P-I-S-S you off."

Selina smiled as Eddie wandered off to dress and Victor returned to his mom's side, clutching her hand.

Ivy entered the apartment with her son and they plopped down on the over stuffed beige sofa in the living room.

"You don't have any decorations up." She observed.

Taking a seat in the chair across from them, Selina tucked her feet up. "No, we weren't feeling in the Christmas mood this year."

"Huh, would have taken Ed to be the type to over-do the lights and tinsel."

Selina shrugged. "He's been sick with a cold for a while now…I guess he just didn't have the energy."

Hopping down from the sofa, Victor crawled up onto Selina's lap and pulled out a balled up wad of newspapers for her.

She took the present.

"Thanks, sweetie. Did you wrap this yourself?"

"Next year we'll have a bigger tree and it's gonna have a dinosaur." He said, ignoring her question as children were wont to do.

At the 'dinosaur' remark, Selina looked at Ivy over her son's head.

The red head smirked. "Decoration. I B-O-U-G-H-T him one for his S-T-O-C-K-I-N-G this year."

"I saw a dinosaur at the park." Victor went on, fidgeting with his coat buttons nervously, eyes downcast.

"Museum, honey." Ivy corrected.

"Um-hm. Museum. Auntie Lina you have long hair." He went on, taking hold of a strand. Victor didn't pull it, he just stroked it and then let it go.

"It's getting pretty long, isn't it?" She asked.

"Mom puts red soap in hers and then it's red again."

Eddie could be heard in the bedroom laughing hard. It was easy to understand why he seemed so fond of the boy, Victor had a knack of putting his own mother in her place without ever meaning to do so and it pleased Eddie to no end.

Ivy shifted in her seat.

Selina, deciding to save Ivy's dignity, ignored the remark and change the subject. "So, was it a big dinosaur?"

"Yes! He was naked."

"Naked?"

"Um-hm."

"He didn't have any flesh," Ivy helped her son out, "he was a skeleton, wasn't he?"

"Um-hm, skelington."

Emerging from the bedroom in a very flashy black pinstripe, Eddie adjusted the jewel green tie at his neck and smiled broadly at Ivy.

She quirked a brow. "What's with the suit, Ed? Not your usual puke green, three piece disaster."

Leaning his hip against the arm of the chair Selina was in, Eddie smirked. "Oh, haven't you heard, Ivy? Fashion tends to change with the seasons."

"Right." She replied, folding her arms.

"Alright, you caught me," he went on casually, grunting as Victor climbed across Selina to hop onto his Uncle's back. "I have a date with a beautiful woman tonight."

"Anyone I know?" Selina asked playfully.

"Nope." Standing up with the little boy still koala bearing about on his back, Eddie moved across the apartment to the kitchen table where a bag of gifts had been left. He rifled through the bag and pulled out a large present wrapped with blue and green gift wrap. "Well," he said, "I'd give you the gift, but you need both hands to open it…"

Pushing to her feet, Selina walked over and scooped the boy off Eddie's back to set him on the floor.

He could barely carry the gift, so she helped him into the living room where Victor sat down and immediately began tearing into the present.

Selina smiled as Eddie sat on the floor across from the boy to watch.

Victor got down to the box underneath the paper and struggled to open it.

Getting the box open, the little man pulled out a giant stuffed tiger, it was almost as big as him.

Victor's eyes widened and he beamed from ear to ear, he hugged the regal creature, practically riding it's back as he did so.

"Your mom told us you liked the tigers at the zoo, so we thought you'd like one to keep." Selina said.

Victor nodded furiously, still riding the stuffed animal's back.

"What do you say?" Ivy reminded her son.

Remembering himself, Victor pulled away from the giant stuffed cat long enough to thank Eddie and Selina by launching himself at first Eddie then Selina for a hug.

"How's Doctor Fries, Pam?" Selina asked as Eddie and Victor settled into playing with the tiger. It became interactive when you turned it on, growling when you treated it poorly, purring loudly when you stroked or pet it.

"He's good, as far as I know. You know him, he's a veritable mystery. Keeps to himself. He's quiet though, so I can't complain too much. A couple of weeks ago, he had a breakthrough with his research, so I've been giving him some time to himself while he works on it. He's cooking tonight. Making Victor's favourite for Christmas Eve supper, isn't he, sweetie?" She asked her son.

VJ nodded. "Um-hm. Pssgetti."

Pushing to her feet, Ivy laughed. "He can't say spaghetti."

"It is a hard one." Eddie agreed as all the adults stood.

"Well, we should go." Ivy said. "Fries will probably have dinner ready by the time we get home."

Struggling to carry his tiger, Victor followed his mom and the other adults to the door.

Selina peeled off long enough to get Ivy and Fries' gifts from the bag on the table, handing them to her at the door.

"Merry Christmas, Pam."

The red head took the gifts. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas!" Victor chirped, still struggling with his tiger.

"Sweetie, do you want me to take him?"

"No." The boy said, trucking out into the hall with his tiger.

"I'm sensing a lot of Calvin and Hobbes jokes coming from Ed in the future." Ivy muttered.

Eddie beamed innocently. "It never even crossed my mind."

"Um-hm." Ivy replied. "Goodnight, kids."

"Goodnight, Pam." Selina replied.

The two of them stood in the doorway to the apartment, watching Ivy and her son as they turned the corner and took the stairs, before they closed the door.

"Get dressed, kitten." Eddie said. "We'll never hear the end of this from Temple."

As Selina hurried into the bedroom to finish changing, she heard Ed laughing in the living room.

"What's so funny?" She called.

"I just opened the gift from Victor." He replied.

Tugging on a pair of grey twill dress pants, she hurried back into the living room, her black sweater in hand.

Eddie held up a walnut with googly eyes glued on.

"Aw, it's a tree decoration." She mused, smiling at the gift. "It's got little pistachio shell feet!"

Dangling the walnut man by the green ribbon, Eddie chuckled. "Open yours."

After pulling her sweater on, Selina hurried to get her ball of newspaper and tape, and opened it.

There was a very similar walnut person inside, this one had glued on yarn for hair.

"You got a little lady nut."

She laughed softly. "I think they're cute."

"Well, at least he put some effort into making us something." Ed pointed out. "Ready?"

She moved into the small front hall to pull on her coat. "Just give me a second, I have to put my boots on."

As she dressed for the weather and Eddie moved about the small apartment turning off the lights and such, she called out.

"Do you think Pam's on to us?"

Grabbing the bag of gifts and his car keys out of the little front hall table key bowl, Eddie shook his head. "I don't think she has the deductive skills to be on to us." He said, pulling his green and purple scarf around his neck. "Though we should probably think about upgrading to a bigger apartment. I think she might soon figure out that the elegant and somewhat prideful Selina Kyle can't stand to live in a shoebox."

Pulling her hair out of her coat, she glared at him. "I don't need a big apartment."

"Ha! Your clothes alone could fill this apartment as a closet." He replied.

"I've pared them down enough to fit in our closet, haven't I?" She demanded.

"We have a walk-in closet, kitten, and I only have five suits." Picking up a small device that looked like a car starter, Ed beamed. "Lock the door, would you?"

She did what he asked, but moved slowly on purpose. Somehow she still enjoyed being rebellious in her own little ways.

"Give us a squeeze." He went on, pulling a pair of black framed glasses out of his inner suit pocket and putting them on.

"Can we do this without touching?" She inquired.

Reaching out, he pulled her against him and smirked. "Don't be stubborn."

"Don't boss," before she could even finish that statement, they were in a dark, empty parking lot beside a parked, black Audi in the middle of the office park, "me around." She finished.

"Want to drive?" He asked, ignoring her indigence.

"Not really."

* * *

><p><strong>**Fries**<strong>

By the time Pam returned with Victor, Fries had the table in the dining room of his home set.

The red head entered the house, followed by a little man struggling with a large stuffed tiger, both arms wrapped around it, just barely able to keep it from dragging in the snow.

He smiled ever so at the determine look on his son's face as the boy kicked off his snow boots and hauled his cat into the living room where a fake tree glistened with lights.

Pam smirked at her son as she moved to stand beside Fries to watch as Victor set his newest gift down proudly with the other wrapped ones under the tree.

"Well, just be glad Edward didn't give him another Riddler themed gift," Fries said.

Beside him Pam sighed heavily. "I swear he's just doing that to goad me."

"That's not the only reason," he observed. "He also does it to gain the boy's affection so he won't become a victim of his wrath again."

"I never thought of that." She said.

Victor marched over to his parents.

"Hungry?" Fries asked.

His son nodded.

"Dinner's ready, let's eat." He held his gloved hand out to the boy, but stubbornly the little man ignored it. He was fighting for independence, but then again he was at that age. He hated to be carried or treated like a baby, and the fights he gave his parents when they tried to strap him into his car seat were epic.

Beside him Pam could only smile at her son as Fries chuckled at the boy.

"Merry Christmas, Pam." He said as she wandered past him.

She turned green eyes on him. "Merry Christmas, Doc."

"I hope you don't mind, I moved Nora into the house for the holidays. I thought she'd like to eat with us and be here for the morning." He went on almost nervously.

Pam gave him a warm look, something she didn't give many men. "She can go where she wants. I will miss her though."

"I'm sure she'll be back after the holidays." He assured her.

* * *

><p><strong>**Selina**<strong>

They were driving through the quiet, sparkling homes of Little Gotham, twisting and turning down a maze of similar streets.

The radio was turned off, so Eddie quietly whistled Sukiyaki as he turned the Audi onto a quiet, innocuous, maple lined street.

Beside him Selina quietly watched the Christmas lights pass by her window as they drove. The last three or four Christmases had been so different from those she had in the past, but this one seemed especially serene. As though she had hit her stride with the holiday and finally found the peace that people said it was supposed to bring. It took four years for Ed to finally shut up, they had found comfort in silence, but she still loved to hear his voice. For some reason it still comforted her as much as it ever did.

From behind his fake glasses he glanced over at her, a graceful brow arching as he did. "You're quiet tonight." He pointed out. "You must be sick."

She smirked at the world outside her window. "I'm not the one who needs to talk to live." She said.

He chuckled. "Are you feeling okay?"

"You try to deny being pregnant by claiming to be sick once and you never live it down," she mused. "I'm fine. Good actually."

"Happy?"

"As happy as one can realistically be."

"That's my girl, feet planted firmly on the ground."

She smiled.

They passed a house where an entire family had gathered on their front lawn to greet arriving grandparents, the little children huddled around the elderly couple like worshipers at the base of an icon.

It gave her a little pang of jealousy, but she had long learned to repress the feeling of being alone in the world. After all, she wasn't so alone anymore. She had her own small family. It was probably better than most families since at least she wasn't blinded by love and knew which relatives were not to be trusted.

They slowed to take a gentle curving street, before turning onto Harper Drive. House after boring house passed by her window, until the cookie-cutter homes began shifting, morphing into quaint Victorian style homes as Harper Drive became less yuppie and more traditional.

Pulling into the driveway of a good sized, cornflower blue two story with white trim, they parked and emerged from the vehicle.

Looking at her over the top of the car, Eddie smiled. "You know, kitten, I don't say this often enough, but you look beautiful tonight."

She beamed at him. "Keep those thoughts to yourself, Romeo. I'm not looking to get knocked up by you again."

He laughed. "Says the woman who was pawing at me like a badger earlier..."

"Mr. O'Hara!"

The two of them both turned to find the cute, older woman from next door hustling across her snowy lawn towards them, a sweater and snow boots hastily thrown on, a plate of sugar cookies wrapped in cling film in her hand. She had grey hair that was on the verge of becoming a blizzard of white and looked like anyone's grandmother with her perfectly curled hair and well hemmed dress.

"Merry Christmas." Eddie replied. "Mrs. Kennedy, isn't it?"

"Yes, that's me. I keep trying to get a hold of you two, but you're never home it seems."

"We work nights, usually." Selina said politely, moving around the car to stand beside Ed.

"Mrs. Kennedy, I'm Edward and this is Selina."

The woman smiled warmly. "Well, Merry Christmas to the both of you. Alvin, my husband, said I was crazy to make you these cookies, he said strangers don't trust homemade goods anymore, but what does he know? He locks himself in that damned garage of his all day and comes out at night like a vampire."

Eddie chuckled.

The woman thrust the plate into his hands. "But I hope you don't think your neighbour would poison the newcomers." She said.

"Of course not. You don't look like Lucrezia Borgia to me." He replied.

This seemed to delight the woman. "Well, I should get back inside. Our boy's home and he brought the wee one. Oh, he's such a cute little thing! Four months old, but I swear he's smart as a whip." She wave to them again. "Anyways, welcome to the neighbourhood and Merry Christmas again!"

"Same to you!" Selina called after her as the woman hurried back into the warmth of her house. As soon as she had the door close, she turned to Ed. "You told her your name is O'Hara?"

He smirked. "No, I told her our name was O'Hara."

"That's kind of presumptuous of you."

"Not really. We'll stick out less among the yuppie suburbanites if we're married. Hell, in this neighbourhood Lucy and Ricky would be considered scandal." He said.

Folding her arms, she eyed him. "Just don't get any ideas."

"Believe me, kitten, I know better than to sacrifice myself at that alter."

"You'd better get me one hell of a ring..." she added.

* * *

><p><strong>**Crane**<strong>

In an old, warm house in Little Gotham, he sat reading Dickens. Not A Christmas Carol, which would have been typical of a Christmas Eve, but Hard Times which was decidedly not typical.

From out of the hall a naked two year old came thumping gracelessly, having just gotten used to walking, squealing loudly and naked as the day he was born. The boy zipped by once, followed by the woman who was struggling to get him into a bath, before doubling back and going by once more.

It wasn't until the third go, that Jonathan Crane extended a long leg and blocked the boy's escape.

Clasping both arms around Crane's leg at the knee, the boy giggled loudly, blue eyes bright.

The woman on his trail, scooped the little hellion up.

"Thank you, Mister Crane." Maggie said, brushing a long strand of hair off her face.

Grumbling something unintelligible, Crane motioned for her to move on, he was reading.

"Shall we take a bath?" She asked the boy.

The boy laughed and squirmed in her arms.

Apparently he was at the age where he just wanted to go.

Thumping the book closed when the door opened, he looked up to find Selina and Eddie stepping in from the cold, Selina had her hands full with her purse and a bag of gifts, Eddie was carrying his car keys and a plate of what looked like cookies.

Crane's interest was piqued.

"Shortbread?" He asked as Edward stepped into the living room with the plate.

Opening the wrapping, Edward took a bite of a cookie. "Sugar."

"Ugh."

Setting the plate down on a nearby end table, Edward smiled. "Merry Christmas to you too."

"You know, Jon," Selina said as she joined them. "Just because you know where we actually live, doesn't mean it's an open invitation."

He tsked. "You'd throw me out into the mercy of the cold and snow on Christmas?"

"Gladly." She replied.

As they had this exchange the little man zipped by, still naked, but this time dripping wet and leaving a trail.

Everyone watched as he raced by, followed by a damp Maggie Kyle. She gave Lina a drowning look.

"Trying to give him a bath?" She asked her sister.

"He got into the potted plant."

"Ed?" Selina asked.

The man smiled and pocketed his hands casually. "Eli?"

The boy eventually came thumping gracelessly, still laughing like a madman, eyes shining up at his father.

Edward stooped over to come face to face with the little angel faced devil. "Baby soup, Eli. Go make baby soup."

The boy cackled madly and held his arms out for his father.

"No hug, baby soup."

Still grinning, the boy dropped his arms, contemplated his father's stern look and the situation, before thumping off in the direction of the downstairs bathroom, followed by his father.

"That will never cease to amuse me." Crane replied with a sick grin. "Playful suggestions of cannibalism to get a child to bathe. Remarkable."

Selina looked at her sister, ignoring the man who had haunted their comfy chair on and off since they moved in a few months back. "Where's Temple?"

"In the kitchen, he's fixing your wall clock." Maggie said almost nervously.

"In his defence it _was _eight seconds fast." Crane pointed out.

Selina nodded. "Okay. You want to stay in the spare room tonight?" She asked her sister.

"I'm a gentleman," Crane broke in. "She can have my room."

Selina glared at him. "Your _room _is the spare room, you're going home."

Crane pushed to his feet. "After all I've done for you…"

"Goodnight, Jon." She said, pushing him in the direction of the front hall. "You can come back tomorrow if you promise to behave."

He snatched up his overcoat and scarf. "Thanks for the mercy." He snarled.

"Thanks for bringing a dessert tomorrow night." She stated firmly.

Tugging on the warm knit cap that Maggie had given him last year for Christmas, Crane glowered stubbornly at Selina, before opening the door.

"Goodnight."

"See you tomorrow, Jon." She returned.

* * *

><p><strong>**Edward**<strong>

The house was finally quiet that night.

Downstairs the light of the Christmas tree was the only thing that lit the house, eerily touching every corner of the house with a soft glow.

Lying in bed beside Selina, he enjoyed the peace and quiet, it had become hard to find quiet since Eli learned that he could made noise just by opening his mouth. The boy was genuinely a good kid, but he was becoming a handful.

In fact any second Edward expected to hear that familiar thump of Eli sneaking out of his crib and the unmistakable patter of his little feet as he clumsily made his way down the hall towards his parent's bedroom.

How did he get here? He often wondered.

It wasn't like Edward Nygma was ever the type that people expected to have a child and a life that was almost domestic.

It wasn't a terrible leap from what he was to what he now faced, but it was still odd to him. Half the time he forgot he was supposed to be a role model. It wasn't easy. He was used to doing things for himself, but ever since Eli started walking and developing better motor skills, the little man was determined to copy everything his father did.

It was amusing at first, but now Edward found himself changing his ways a little to accommodate his mockingbird boy.

Still. Despite all this, he didn't feel like he would want it any other way.

If changing himself even a little kept Selina and Eli at his side always, he wouldn't mind being someone else. After all, he was getting into the whole Edward O'Hara act. Edward O'Hara was a man who owned a security and alarm system business, who worked most nights checking on clients, who was perhaps outwardly a perfect father and husband. He even wore glasses to help hide his features a little better.

Hell, Edward O'Hara even managed to keep that widow's peak of his from displacing his hair.

Beside him Selina shifted in her sleep and Edward gathered her in his arms a little tighter, pulling her back against him.

What a world.

Down the hall he heard a muffled thump and smirked.

It was like clockwork.

Small feet padded down the hall, getting closer.

The doorknob jiggled as Eli struggled with it. The boy wasn't that good at opening doors yet and had to stand on his tiptoes to reach the knob, but he eventually got it open.

There was silence as the thick carpet of their bedroom muffled the small feet, but soon Edward felt a presence at his side of the bed.

He released Selina and rolled over to find a pair of shining eyes peering over the edge at him, they were wide, scared of the dark and the terrors that lingered there.

"Thirsty?" Edward asked.

The boy shook his head.

"Monster?"

He nodded furiously.

Nodding with his son, Edward sat up to heft his son onto the bed. The boy clutched his stuffed skunk tight as he was hoisted up and over his father and settled into the warmth and safety of the bed between his parents.

Selina opened a sleepy eye, before wrapping an arm around her son.

As Edward settled he slid his arm over both his son and his wife, before settling in for a good Christmas slumber. He'd have to be a fool to want anything more. And Edward Nygma was NOT a fool.

* * *

><p><strong>**Crane**<strong>

He was shuffling through the snow as it fell, hands deep in the pockets of his overcoat, nose nuzzled down into the scarf around his neck.

It was nearly midnight, and oddly still in Gotham, as he moved down the quiet street heading for his lair.

Wondering if it was the weather or the holiday that kept the hoods from skulking in the shadows of the street, he turned down a well lit alley, heading for an abandoned methadone clinic where he had set up shop.

At the end of the alley a lone figure shuffled in a manner quite like his, head bowed to keep their nose inside their scarf, hands in their pockets.

As he drew nearer, Crane saw the person was wearing a garish Santa hat with a light in the pom-pom that flashed red and green.

It was horrible, but at least a person with that kind of fashion sense wouldn't dare rob him.

Preparing to pass by the other person, he moved to the right of the alley, as they moved left. They went by quietly, ignoring him as he ignored them.

He took two steps beyond the form, when the familiar scent of orange blossom hit his nose through the clean scent of the snow and Crane stopped in his tracks.

It wasn't a rare scent or anything, but it was one he didn't often smell on a woman.

Turning he followed the form with his eyes.

From the back the shapeless coat had a little more shape, a round rear, small waist could be made out, moving underneath the material.

Crane followed the person curiously, his brow furrowed.

There was something about their walk, dainty, almost girlish steps, feet one in front of the other primly.

His long legs drew him closer, faster to the shorter being and he was soon right behind it (her?).

Suddenly, the form turned on him, blue eyes flashing. "Hey, pal, you got-!"

Crane took a step back as Harleen Quinzel's hellfire was extinguished.

"Oh…" she said.

He had no idea what to say to her. Since they took out the Joker, he hadn't seen or heard from her. He had a horrible thought once that perhaps the Joker killed her before they got to him.

She blinked at him with startled eyes. They were still wide and deceptively innocent.

The two of them studied each other quietly for what felt like hours, before Harleen dropped her proud chin. "M-Merry Christmas, Professa Crane."

He swallowed thickly. "Harleen."

She hesitated, before speaking again. "Whatcha doin' out this way?"

Crane pointed in the direction of his lair, but he couldn't find words. He had almost forgotten how beautiful she was when she was being her sweet self and not some made up clown carrying a big hammer.

She blinked those long, luscious lashes of hers that were gathering snowflakes like leaves gather dew and followed his finger.

"Headin' home?" She guessed.

He nodded.

She forced a sad smile. "Me too."

He nodded again.

After a few more minutes of silence, he grew uncomfortable enough to spin on his heel and head back in the direction of his lair. He didn't like being uncomfortable. It wasn't his place. His was to be the one forcing discomfort, not receiving it.

He took four steps, before his courage returned and he spun back to face her.

The area where Harleen stood was already empty.

Jonathan Crane stared at it for a moment, brow furrowed delicately, before his foot moved on it's own accord and he was pushing through the snow after her.

Reaching the street, he looked one way and then the other, nearly missing the petite blonde who had pressed herself almost fearfully into a doorway.

If it wasn't for her ample bosom heaving, she would have gotten away with it.

Slowly, he approached her.

She looked sheepish at being caught trying to hide, but took it like Harley Quinn would, with a little bout of anger.

"Hey! Whatcha doin' now? Followin' me again?" She demanded.

Crane tilted his head. He could handle anger. "Are you scared of me, Harleen?"

"No!" She growled.

Unable to prevent himself from being who he was, he said, "would you like to be?"

Her enraged blue eyes softened and she dipped her head. "You could try."

With a slow twist of his head, his body followed and he knew as he marched back into the alley proudly, that a small blonde was close on his heels.

He smiled ever so. That sick, ghost-of-a-grin smile of his.

**The End**


End file.
